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| M the Vampire |
Author has written 9 stories for Supernatural, Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Young Adult. Hey ya'll, My name is well not important. Okay, first things first. I LIKE STAR TREK. That means I like science fiction. I also like mysteries. Those are two of the genres that you'll see here. I also like quotes, whether I know who made the quote or not. Right then. I go to Pillow Academy. I don't like it there. Hope ya'll enjoy my stories. :-) i cdnoult blveiee taht i cloud aulclty uesdnatnrd waht i was rdanieg. the phanmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. the rset can be a taotl mses and you can sill rard it wouthit a porbelm. tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istelf, but the wrod as a wlohe. amzanig huh? yaeh and i awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it on your profile. this is a true story. a girl died in 1933. a man buired her while she was still alive. the murder chanted, "toma sota balcu" as he buried her. now that you have read this chant you will meet this little girl. in he middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. she will suffocate you like she was suffocated. if you post this on your profile she will not bother you. your kindness will be rewarded. (I am posting this just to be safe) How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time Sit In Your Parked car With Sunglasses On And Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries With That. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds" 7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Dont Use Any Punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water Whenever You Go Out To, With A Serious Face. 11. Specify That Your Drive- Through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera 13. Go To A Poetry Reading And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day 20. And The Final Way To Keep a Healthy Level Of Insanity... Copy and Paste This onto Your profile. Funny sayings that i love and you will too part one ! Why do we teach kid that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved Americas problems? Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way your a mile away from them and you have their shoes. People who say anythings possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face. If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. They say I have ADD, but I don't... oh look, a kitty! When someone annoys you it takes 47 muscles to frown about it but it 4 muscles to extend your arm punch the crap out of them. YAY!! Whatever you do follow your heart- Just take your brain with you! Big girls don't cry- we get even. You can fall from a tree, and you can fall from a cliff, but the best way to fall is to fall in love. When I was in grade school they asked me to write i want to be when I grew up. I said happy. They said I didn't understand the assignment. I say the didn't understand life. If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk! Ever stop to think, then forget to start again? Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. The evening new always starts off by saying Good Evening and then proceeds to tell you exactly why it isn't. He who laughs last thinks slowest. If everyone jumped of a bridge would you? No, I would just step onto a pile of bodies. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in many societies. You say I'm not cool. But cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Don't mess with me, I've got a stick. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems. You say I've lost my sanity. But you can't loose what you never had. They say the truth sets you free, then how come every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room? When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN! I don't obsess. I think intensely. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either. We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I'm gonna miss you. "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." This is Bob, you can't see him but he thinks you have some serious mental problems. Right, Bob? Come to the dark side. We have cookies. I wish I was your blanket, I wish I was your bed, I wish I was your pillow underneath your head, I wanna be around you, I wanna hold you tight, & be the lucky person who kisses you goodnite. Try to realise it's all within yourself. No one else can make you change and to see you're really only very small and life flows on within you and without you. Tough times don't last but tough people do! Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else. Laugh your heart out Dance in the rain Cherish the moment ignore the pain Live, laugh, love Forgive & Forget life is too short to be living with Regrets. Be strong now because things will get better. it may be stormy now but it can't rain forever. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose. But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will come after you. Thank you Captain Obvious It's a beautiful day. Now watch some idiot screw it up. Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Daaaamn... What a ride!" Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back. life is too precious to worry about stupid shit. So have fun, go party, &fall in love. Say what you want to say. Do want you want to do. Regret nothing & don't let people who don't matter, Bring You Down. The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget, the more you forget, the less you know. So.. why learn. Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there's foot prints one the moon. Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain. I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn how to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. you believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching. Never give up on something you can't go a day with out thinking about. fall in love or or fall in hate. get inspired or be depressed. ace a test or flunk a class. make babies or make art. speak the truth or lie and cheat. dance on tables or sit in the corner. life is divine chaos. embrace it forgive yourself. breathe. and enjoy the ride. If you don't go after what you want you'll never have it. If never ask the answer is always no. If you don't step forward you're always the same spot. Don't fall for someone unless they are willing to catch you. Sometimes people put walls not to keep others out but to see who cares enough to break them down. Stand up for what is right. Even if your standing alone. believe deep down in your heart that you're destined to do great things. Life holds special magic for those who dare to dream. you may say I'm a freamer but i'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us and the world will be as one. If you love someone put their name in a circle not a heart, because hearts can be broken but circles go on forever. Be original. Warning: Cosumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary, Whose name, and/or species you can't remember. This is Bob. Bob likes you. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob. Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil. It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces. Sometimes all you can do is laugh to keep yourself from crying. Love is like the wind. You can feel it but you can't see it. No Trespassing. Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. i'm the muffin queen. do not question my fluffy golden brown authority! A womens heart should be so hidden in God, that a man must seek God to find her. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day! Some people blame our generation. But have they ever stopped to think who raised us. People are going to want you, need you, exceed you, take you, love you, hate you, play you you, rate you, save you, and break you. But that's what makes you. Obsticals are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. dreams can take you... to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known. Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow. Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Never tell your problems to any one... 20 don't care and the other 80 are glad you have them. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. A simple act of kindness can change the course of a lifetime. You just have to live your life not caring what they think and shake off the drama and prove to them that you're better than they think you are! Boredom Alert: Self- Entertainment necessary for maintaining consciousness. Warning: Do NOT set self on fire. Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel. Sometimes I tell friends that I'm busy when I'm really not. I can spend the night alone. By myself. I am a bomb technichian. If you see me running Try to keep up. The last thing I want to do is hurt you... But that's still on the list. I may look safe. But as soon as I get you alone... I will eat you. Genius by birth. Slacker by choice. Pain is a good thing. Let's you know your still alive. When the world says "Give Up", Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." When you play with some that is not on your level it is your job to help them reach your level. Love is blind. Marriage is the eye- opener. One only need to things in ife: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. This is not the life I ordered. Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring so, I go back to being me. If a man speaks in the middle of a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? YES I am me. Plain. Simple. We're born cold, wet & hungry. Then things get worse Life is great. Don't let circumstances and society fool you into believing it's not. The resurrection gives my life meaning, direction and the opportunity to start over. No matter what my circumstances. I live in the present. I only remember the past and anticipate the future. If you spend your life waiting for the storm you'll never enjoy the sunshine. Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. Believe in he impossible. When nothing goes right... go left. People who are too weak to follow there own dreams, will always find a way to discourage yours. What's meant to be... will always find it's way. Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised we lied about having cookies? The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth it has always been a sign that you're alive. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. Be happy and grateful for everything in your life. You never know how strong you until being strong is the only choice you have. People change, things go wrong, but just remember, life goes on. Defeat the defeat before the defeat defeats you. Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them but you know there always there. Would you like a side of epic with that fail? Don't you try to outweird me Be original, spontaneous, loving, crazy, proper, loud, daring, classy, unique, kookoo. trust yourself, you know more tan you think you do. That which does not kill us only makes us stronger. I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends. Don't gain the world & and lose your soul. Wisdom is better than silver & gold. fail with honor rather tan succeed by fraud. "latte" is italian for "you paid to much too much for that coffee." Take risks. If you win you will be happy; if you lose you will be wise. You can choose your destiny, but which path will you choose. When you feel like giving up remember why you held on for so long in the first place. I still miss him. I really hate that. I'm a lover not a fighter but I'll fight for what I love. Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you. Rock is dead! Long live paper & scissors! a person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. I'd rather have few days of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special. You are beautiful... No matter what they say... My hunger for success is fueled by my passion. Love is when wake up next to him, and he's looking at you and smiling. Nothing's bigger than love. The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will. Forget the risk. Take the fall. If it's meant to be. It's worth it all! Nobody is ugly after 2 a.m. Love lights more fires than hate extinguishes. In case of emergency... Run Like Hell! You crazy, I love you. But you crazy. Love the person who saw you when you were invisible. Smile ever minute of the day. you never know who might be falling in love with it. If you want the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain. i like poetry, long walks in the beach, & poking death things with a stick. I'm not fat. I'm puffy. Rawr! Piss me off and I will posses you! I smile because I have no idea what is going on. I will eat your soul like a nut. If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? Rule #13: If you see an angry chainsaw zombie coming at you... run for your life!! I'm not deaf. I'm just ignoring you! Sometimes I wish I was a monkey, so I could throw bananas at people and it would be legal. If a robot does the robot would it still be called the robot or is just dancing? Ryou Bakura- Cute enough to kill... you. Break the rules. Stand apart. Ignore your head. Follow your heart. I'll try to nicer if you try to be smarter. When we truly realize that we are alone is when we need others the most. Be yourself because there is no like you Never run away from your problems because once you have to face them again it'll be twice as hard to over come A dream is a wish your heart makes when your fast asleep Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. You know you've been reading too much yaoi when... 1. You can't remember the last time you've read a no-yaoi story. 2. You write your own yaoi and its full of nothing but smut and lemony goodness. 3. You can't stop saying lemony goodness! 4. You see to dudes in an anime talking and you chant 'kiss! kiss!' over and over again. 5. This list actually makes sense to you. If all these thing actually make sense to you, copy and post this list into your profile and add your own yaoi obbsesed thing to the list. You are a Badass Uke! Sensual, rebellious, and intuitive, the Badass Uke can truly be a work of contrasts - an innocent appearance clothed in dark clothing, and a shy smile with eyes that suggest a naughty, darker nature. They are at once easy and hard to approach, as their energy draws people to them, while their intensity and distrust pushes people away... for maybe more than any other personality, the Badass Uke hides away deep in a fantasy world of their own creation, letting few, if any, in. Searching for the one person able to understand their need for something more, someone to protect them and share that mysterious world with them, the Badass Uke can seem lost and wandering, their loneliness sometimes reflecting an inner anger - as they cannot be content until they have been found and claimed, sensually and emotionally. Most Compatible With: Don't Fuck With ME Seme and Chibi Seme. Least Compatible With: Sadistic Seme, Romantic Seme, and Opportunist Seme POP QUIZ TIME!! What would you say about your boy/girlfriend? What is the first thing you say in the morning? Your teacher is... What is written on your classroom blackboard? How would you describe your next door neighbors? What would your best friend say about you? What is on your bedside table right now? What did you do when you woke up this morning? When you open your wardrobe you see? What did you say when you last attended a concert? If you had to right a fanfic write now what would it be called? A song you would sing at your school talent show Your life's theme song? If you had to go and jump off a building what would your last words be? Your motto is? If you could buy anything is this world you would buy? What did you dream about last night? Any last words? Things To Do On An Elevator: 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly. 7. Say "DING!" at each floor. 8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. 9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 21. Swat at flies that don't exist. 22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it. 23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off. 24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it... quick!" then whistle innocently. 28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it. 29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..." 30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't. 31. Ask people which floor they want, say in "Who want to be a millionaire" style is that your final answer. 32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "You should be ashamed of yourself!" and leave the lift tutting. 33. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 34. Tell people that you can see their aura. 35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..." FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this I SPEAK MY MIND so I MUST be a bitch I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER so I WILL go to hell I'm LIBERAL so I MUST be gay I'm IRISH so I MUST have a bad drinking problem I WEAR BLACK so I MUST be goth or Emo I'm a WHITE GIRL so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend I LIKE VAMPIRES so I MUST be a Gothic freak I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention I'm INTO THEATER AND ART so I MUST be a homosexual I'm GERMAN so I MUST be a Nazi I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH so I MUST be fat I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot I support GAY RIGHTS so I MUST fit in with everyone I'm WHITE so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on this planet: past, present, and future I'm a TEENAGER so I MUST steal, lie, and cheat I love YAOI so I MUST be gay I'm a PERSON so I MUST be labeled I DON'T CURSE so I MUST be an outcast I like GAMES, ANIME, and COMICS, so I MUST be childish I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS so I MUST be a pedantic bastard What My Mother Taught Me 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. I UNDERSTAND that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Forget scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, jerk!" America's Intelligence: On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) One day, a little boy took his brand-new baseball and bat outside. He said, "I am the greatest baseball player in the world." Then he threw the ball up in the air, swung, and missed. He repeated, "I am the greatest baseball player in the world!" Then he threw the ball up in the air again, swung again, and missed again. Once more, he yelled, "I am the greatest baseball player in the world!" He threw the ball up in the air, swung, and missed yet again. "Strikeout," the little boy said. "Man, I'm a great pitcher." BE OPTIMISTIC! 29 reasons why girls are the best A POEM Roses are red violets are blue on my list of favorites twilight is waaayy above you I'm a BRUNETTE and I'm a cutie, Mess with me and I'll kick your booty, Redheads are smart, Blondes think they're cool, Well think again, 'Cause BRUNETTES rule! Losers stare Make a fuss. Just one question- Jealous much? Brick Wall Waterfall Girl u think u got it all but u dont! and i do so BOOM wif dat attidude peace punch captain crunch i got sumfin u cant touch bang bang choo choo train wind me up i'll do my thang no reeces peaces 7up mess wif me i'll mess u up punch punch kiss kiss cry now girl u just got DISSED You Say Pink I Say Black You Say Paris Hilton I Say Amy Lee You Say Zac Efron I Say Frank Iero You Say Pop I Say Rock You Say I'm Weird I Say I'm Different Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART, Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG, Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY, Calling me POOR won't make you RICH, Calling me FAT won't make you PERFECT, So why bother? Funny Sayings That I Love and You Will Too Part Three ! ! ! If you don't know what to write in a story, kill a character off! Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. I'm not so good at advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH LOOK! A BIRDIE! When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. I will kill you in your sleep. . . . You laugh like I'm kidding. I don’t suffer from insanity . . . I enjoy every minute of it. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies) I know hate is a strong word. That's why I'm using it. Two wrongs may not make a right, but three rights make a left. If you're reading this - - OH NO! THERE'S A VAMPIRE BEHIND YOU!! Ha ha, you looked, didn't you? In your dreams! I am a Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios. Family is like fudge; mostly sweet with a few nuts mixed in. A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again. I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me? Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but hey, it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone. If it wasn't for physics and the law, heck, I'd be unstoppable. We are best friends. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a bridge, I laugh harder. Music is like candy- you throw away the wrappers. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. Boys are like slinkys: useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil. Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on. I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. (Don't let this happen to you!) Legit. . . . Because we're too cool to say legitimate. I find it ironic that the musical term for "slow down" is ritardando. They say that a team is only as good as its worst player. Sucks for my team. "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?" We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration! "We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box." When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. He who laughs last didn't get it. When a guy tells u “girl, you must be a thief because you just stole my heart” reply by kindly telling him “I only steal valuable things” Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? If darkness is bad, why does it hide you? If light is good, why does it blind you? Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody's weirdo. Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people. Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within If olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?.. You cannot just float above me while I'm drowning in the abyss! Sunsets aren't consistent...IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...i wonder... If two wrongs don't make a right, try three Silence is golden but duck tape is silver TGWF: Thank Goodness We're Female If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? You know your addiction to Harry Potter is getting serious when you've added "Quidditch" to your computer's dictionary. I dream of a better tomorrow, where Chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned. A Recipe for Disaster Optional: Added spoonful of Dyslexia, Attention Deficit/Hyper-activity Disorder, Hyperlexia or other learning difficulty/giftedness/a plump, juicy talent. How to prepare: Set aside concentration and leave to stagnate. In a larger mixing bowl, mix together co-ordinisation problems, disorganisation, short-term memory and social awkwardness. In a separate bowl take original thinking and beat until smooth before stirring in special quantities and pouring into a large mixing bowl. Add stagnated poor concentration and whisk thoroughly until completely mixed together. Finally, add is optional ingredients (as many as desired) and sprinkle determination on top. Mix until it forms a sticky paste. Spoon paste into ready sliced teenager and bake in the oven for the approximate length of childhood. For a sour, bitter taste, serve cold with discrimination, frustration, a lack of co-operation and a distinct lack of understanding. Or, for a lighter, sweeter taste, serve warm with good friends, assistance, acceptance and respect. AT THE MOVIES: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end STAR TREK QUOTES! It is not a lie to keep the truth to oneself. -Mr. Spock Today is a good day to die! -Mr. Worf "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." -Montgomery Scott Truth is an excuse for a lack of imagination. -Elim Garak I never met a chocolate I didn't like. -Deanna Troi Spock: Captain, you almost make me believe in luck. It is possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life. -Jean-Luc Picard War is never imperative. -Leonard McCoy I always hope for the best. Experience, unfortunately, has taught me to always expect the worst. -Elim Garak Do not mistake composure for ease. -Mr. Tuvok Men will always be men — no matter where they are. -Harry Mudd Leonard McCoy: You mean ... you're gonna leave here without them, and run off on some wild goose chase halfway across the galaxy, just because you found a discrepancy in a hydrogen cloud? One of the advantages of being a captain, Doctor, is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it. -James Kirk You have a lovely daughter. She must take after her mother. -Elim Garak We must acknowledge once and for all that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis. -Mr. Spock In this galaxy there’s a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all that, and perhaps more. . . only one of each of us. -Leonard McCoy I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I’ll let you know. -Jean-Luc Picard Madness has no purpose. Or reason. But it may have a goal. -Mr. Spock Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you or would you like to break some more furniture? -Deanna Troi You can't evaluate a man by logic alone. -Dr. McCoy Kirk: I suspect you're becoming more and more human all the time. I'm immune to most toxins. It comes in handy when you're a diplomat. -Weyoun I'm beginning to think I can cure a rainy day! -Dr. McCoy I loved her. . . but she wasn't nice at all. -Charlie Evans Too much of anything, Lieutenant, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing. -James Kirk Live long and prosper. -Mr. Spock Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind. -Dr. McCoy The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank. -Montgomery Scott Kirk: You'd make a splendid computer, Mr Spock. I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer! That thing is practically made out of stone! -Dr. McCoy I'm a doctor, not an engineer. -Dr. McCoy I'm a doctor, not a coal miner. -Dr. McCoy I'm a doctor, not a mechanic. -Dr. McCoy I'm a doctor, not an escalator. -Dr. McCoy Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 17 to smile but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face. If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. They say I have ADD, but I don't. . . oh look, a kitty! When someone annoys you it takes 47 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. YAY!! Whatever you do, follow your heart- Just take your brain with you! Big girls don't cry- we get even You can fall from a tree, and you can fall from a cliff, but the best way to fall, is to fall in love. When I was in grade school they asked me to write what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said happy. They said I didn't understand the assignment. I say they didn't understand life. If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk! Ever stop to think, then forget to start again? Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. The evening news always starts off by saying Good Evening and then proceeds to tell you exactly why it isn't. He who laughs last thinks the slowest. If everyone jumped off a bridge would you? No I would step onto a pile of bodies. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick! I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems. You say I've lost my sanity. But you can't lose what you never had. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me, he said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet. They say the truth sets you free, then how come every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room? When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN! That is the wrongest wrong that ever wronged. If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete. I used up all of my sick days . . . so I'm calling in dead. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? Thanks Stephenie, now I will NEVER get a man. I don't obsess! I think intensely. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I'm gonna miss you. "It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it" "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to" "A day without sunshine is like...you know...night" "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese" "Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway." "you say physco like it's a bad thing" (some people just don't understand) This is Bob, you can't see him but he thinks you have some serious problems. Right Bob?" "There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those who want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the heck happened" I hear voices, and they don't like you I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS! I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. (points acusingly) Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. I like my men pale, immortal and bloodthirsty.( Anybody have any #'s ?) I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Let me call an ambulance. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate. You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you?( ooooooh! BURNED!) YOUTUBE myspace and I'll Google your YAHOO I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again My heart is not a playground I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms. (Not really, I'm a big morning person, but I thought it was funny so I posted it here anyway!) Life was so simple when boys had cooties Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling! When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. (And everyone else is inside while I have a heck of a time in the rain.) Be a loser! Because being cool is soo overrated. (Haha, that's like my motto!) Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you. Frankly my dear, I don't care. Twilight: because we all secretly own two copies. (But not me - - honest!) Love can come in many different colors. I used to care, but I take a pill for that now. I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. Here's a joke... there are 3 men who need to get across a lake... the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across... he gets big muscles and swims across... but almost dies 5 times... the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across... he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across... but he almost dies 3 times... the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains... he turns into a woman... walks 4 yards... and crosses the bridge RACISM IS WRONG! JOIN THE MOVEMENT The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Annoying things to do in an elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, 2) STAND silent and motionless in the 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look 12) TRY to make personal calls on the 13) DRAW a little square on the floor 14) WHEN there's only one other person 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they 16) ASK if you can push the button for 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. Funny Sayings That I Love and You Will Too Part Two ! ! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the guns help, because if you just stood there and yelled "BANG!" I don't think you'd kill too many people. You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever. I'm not weird, you have a perception problem! If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what is the opposite of 'progress'? Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life. Let's do something manly like football, or hockey, or knit fuzzy sweaters! Lie to me once, I hate your guts. Lie to me twice, I hate your corpse. Violence never solves anything. Unless you're not on school property! I would rather you hate me for everything I am than have you love me for something I'm not. It's mind over matter. If I don't mind you, then you don't matter. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. When everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Death is hereditary. There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side, and the right side When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance? If you can't see the bright side of life polish the dull side. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. Save the earth! It's the only one with chocolate! Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You decide. Procrastinators unite! . . . Tomorrow. Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg? If a kid asks why it is raining I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." If he asks why God is crying I think another cute thing to tell him is "Probably something you did." "I forgot to remember" What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. People are like slinkies, basically useless; and yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down stairs. You shouldn't say "I love you." unless you mean it. But if you do mean it, you should say it often... people forget. You know your in love when the hardest thing to do is say goodbye. Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now. Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Everyone has a wild side - me and my friends just prefer to make them public If you don't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you. :-D WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Trying is the first step toward failure Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese, there are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. It's ether my Mom or Dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. And lead me not into tempation... especially book stores. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon. Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought. Stupid shiny Volvo owner. (Ha ha, my dad's car is a silver Volvo. I couldn't help but laugh when I read that Edward goes 100 mph in one of those things. My sister freaks out when Dad gets to seventy!) I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. If Tylenol, duct tape, and a Band-aid cant fix it, you have a serious problem. All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies. When I lose my mind, will you help me find it? The world would be a better place if fictional characters were real. Smile...it confuses people (it truly does) I'm an angel honest... the horns are just there to keep the halo straight! You are too sarcastic for your own good!! Whatever look you were going for... you missed it... I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes They laugh because we're losers... We laugh because they just figured it out. The trouble with life is there's no background music. I'm getting that fixed... You will learn that over time two things will not change: boy's brains and the fact that all schools are boring. God made man, knew he could do better, and made woman Oh, I get it... you're vegetarians because you ONLY eat animals... that makes perfect sense! Ever noticed that company... SIRIUS... has a symbol... A DOG... just thought I'd point that out 'Don't ever frown because you never know who might be in love with your smile.' 'Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does.' 'The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.' Shin: a way of finding furniture in the dark. A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before. I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his rib cage open. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. Remember the world is a big place. Even if you're one in a million, that means 1000 people in China look exactly like you. --Philosophical Moment: Child Abuse-- TRUE STORY!! Her name was Auroura Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible and should be stopped, put this poem on your profile. This is a story about a little girl who was abused that nearly made me cry. If you care at all, copy and paste this into your profile: My name is Sarah child abuse, MAKE IT STOP! 15 FUNNY THINGS TO DO AT WALMART 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! UNANSWERED QUESTIONS Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? What's the speed of dark? If the number 2 pencil is so popular, why is it still # 2? If Wal-mart is lowering prices everyday, how come nothing in the store is free yet? Isn't it funny how the word politics is mad up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? What hair color do they put for bald men on a driver's license? What's another word for Thesaurus? If practice makes perfect & nobody's perfect, why practice? Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh...I could be eating a slow learner. What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way? Why do our noses run and our feet smell? What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? When someone with multiple personalities threathens suicide, can that be considered a hostige situation? What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice? Why do they call it "common sense" when it's so rare? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? If you get corn oil by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? If electricity comes from electrons does it mean morality comes from morons? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Psychics never win the lottery. Why is that? How can two space ships meeting always face the right way up in Sci-Fi movies? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? If you blame someone for your failures, do you credit them for your achievements? If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? How come everyone's going so slow if it's called rush hour? Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?? Why do we chop a tree "down" and then chop it "up"? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? Why do we wash BATH TOWELS; aren't we clean when we use them? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If money doesn't make us happy, then what does it do? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? When people say "I woke up on the wrong side of the bed," What side is the right side? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? Why do we put suits in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? When Puerto Rico joins the union, where will they put the 51st star? Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G? Why is dyslexic so hard to spell? Why is verb a noun? Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there? Why is it called after dark when really it's after light? Your One and Only Wish Do it one by one, don't look ahead! 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, yellow and green. 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California of Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.) Are you done? If so, scroll down (Don't cheat--) The Answers 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you choose: Red: You are alert and you life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If you're initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If You were born in: Jan-Mar: The year will for very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you but you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose... California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laidback person. 9. If you choose... Lake: You are loyal to you friends and you love. And you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 10. This wish will come true only if you Re-post this bulletin in one hours and it will come true before your next birthday. (This is SoulMate4All talking and is it weird that I named my husband as 1, i could not choose between blue and red for 2, my initial is A for 3, birthday is in June for 4, Black for 5 and when I was younger I was in the Honors program for as long as I can remember? HARD, and all my physical Martial Arts work! ;D, I picked my best friend for 6, coming close to the limit for 7, CALIFORNIA rest in peace, for 8, Lake Lake Lake Lake Lake for 9, I have no idea yet, 10!) INTELLIGENCE QUIZ! 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it? Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. Many preschoolers got several correct answers. Most adultS got them all wrong. Use this to frustrate all of your friends: Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No. Good Camouflage, eh? This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. (I am posting this just to be safe! ;D) LOL! FEISTY! Man: Where have you been all my life? 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. (..)'(..) -If you can totally see how this series of parentheses, periods, equal signs, apostrophies, quotation marks, and other punctuation marks is a bunny, paste this under him. (I pick this one!) (THIS ONE IS ME!) -If you have absolutely no clue how this series of parentheses, periods, equal signs, apostrophies, quotation marks, and other punctuation marks is a bunny, paste this under him and go see an eye doctor. (Haha) lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllll lllllll llllllllllll If you feel random copy and paste this into your bio. lllllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Beep If you didn't get this, copy/paste this onto your profile. REMEMBER WHEN .. Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?') When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?') After uttering a profound peiceof wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. IF YOU HATE KARIN FROM NARUTO FEEL FREE TO PUT THIS IN YOUR PROFILE! Sing to the tune of 'I love you, you love me' I love you You love me Let's go out and KILL KARIN with a 'death bomb' BANG! BOOM! KARIN'S ON THE FLOOR No more stupid SLUT SLASH WHORE!
2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public. 3.Do not answer fictional characters in public. 4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public 5. Do not go out in public. 6. Disregard above note. Perform numbers 1 to 4. 7.Note expressions. 8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you. 9.Floor is slippery when wet. 10.Lake is slippery when dry. 11.Only talk to strangers you know. 12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all. 13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note. 14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you. 15.Kill them for security purposes. 16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings. 17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible. 18.The men in white coats are not your friends. 19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects. 20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket. 21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning. 22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. 23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age. 24.Always remember, um... um... Damn. 25.Train army of flying monkeys. 26.Goldfish don't like milk. 27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits. 28.Find out who invented the word "pianoist". 29.People are staring at you. 30.So act insane. 31.People are weird, but not as weird as me. 32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth. 33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people. 34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible. 35.You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding. 36.Never pet a burning dog. 37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka. 38.Naked men dig parkas. 39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka. 40.You know what would look good on you? 41.Immolated cockroaches. 42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug. 43.The size of Danny DeVito. 44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. OO 45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers. 46.Stalking is fun. Do it more. 47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!" 48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world. 49.That way is rum. 50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t. 52.You cannot kill the snow. 53.The snow can kill you. 54.Grass can also kill you. 55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms... 56.Catch and castrate leprechaun. 57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say. 58.Staple paper in the middle of the page. 59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally. 60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that. 61.Pretend to be so around the n00bs. 62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon. 63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway? 64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork. 65.Remember to kill HIM... 66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood. 67.Note reactions. Avoid parents. 68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory. 69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice. 70.Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions. 71.Eat the evidence. 72.But not if it's broken glass. 73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run. 74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids. 75.Disregard last note. 76.Note reactions. 77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year. 78.Stock up on ball point pens. 79.Learn to fly. Tell no one. 80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing. 81.Do not stick fingers into blender. 82.Blender... Bad... Ouch. 83.Blood loss is bad. 84.Find way to re-attatch fingers. 85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM. 86.Answer every question with a question. 87.Ask people what gender they are. 88.Note reactions. 89.Refer to people as "mortal". 90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me. 91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible. 92.Start by drowning them in fire ants. 93.Find the creators of pop-up messages. 94.Kill them. 95.Brutally. 96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination. 97.Dunk head in boiling water. 98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7. 99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling! 100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down... 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, C&P this into your pro. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you know what a lemon fly is(for those who dont, it is a mythical lemon with wings. ha! now you know!) If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile. If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile! If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. If you have a friend that scares you when they have sugar (or you scare them when you have sugar), copy this into your profile If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have deja vu a lot, copy this into your profile. 92 percent of teenagers would die if Ambercrombie and Fitch told them it's not cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people who answer "Where to begin?" If you ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, C&P If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, C&P If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfiction, copy this into your pro If people think you are mentally insane...copy this into your profile If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your pro If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile! If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, C&P Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, C&P If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile! If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile. If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile. If you've ever run up a "down" escalator, paste this into your profile. If you have a sibling who has the ability to beat your butt on a daily basis, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile If you've ever started laughing at something that is remotely funny and can't stop copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you've ever read past two AM in the morning copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever walked into a doorway you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this into your profile My best friend is insane, if you agree or have an insane friend, copy and paste this on your pro. If you think the kids should just stop chasing Lucky and leave the freakin' leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If you have a problem with counselors, copy and paste!! If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile If you love rain, copy and paste. If you think Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann -- Disney's PIRATES OF THE CARRIBBEAN -- are made for each other and that, no matter how awesomely awesome Jack Sparrow may be, he should never, under any circumstances, be with Elizabeth, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YUR PROFILE!! (Me: besides, that means he's still available...tehehe...) If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this into your profile (Me: I was listening to music) If you are a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is plotting world domination,copy and paste this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile! If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste into your pro If you've ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile If you have a really long profile, C&P this to make it even longer. (hehehe) If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in the middle of a conversation, C&P If you are one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste Chocolate chip cookies are the best! If you agree C&P!! If you have your own little world, C&P If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste (me: in other words, if you are actually taking the time to read all this...) 98 of the teenage population has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile. I am not so good with advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? If you can't convince them, confuse them. Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? I did what they said and took the road less traveled, now where the heck am I? Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable if chocolate comes from cocoa beans and all beans are a vegetable? Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face? All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. Calling me Fake won't make you Real, Calling me Stupid won't make you Smart, Calling me Weak won't make you Strong, Calling me Ugly won't make you Pretty, Calling me Poor won't make you Rich, Calling me Fat won't make you Thin, Calling me Uncool won't make you Cool, So why bother? WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff. I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me? I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter. When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate. It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with. The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER. So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun. If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you. Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them. Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Tell the truth and run. Don’t follow me, I’m lost too. This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob. If you think that writing fanfics are fun, put this in your profile! If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide. When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up! Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you! I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again. I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals. There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count. ur parents lied. ur not special. ur just stupid. Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head Pass it on... Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. "Love your enemies! It really pisses them off" "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration! Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin. Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly i think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," i don't think many people would be dead... I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong. Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much. Emo kids have cool hair A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?” Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes. Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake. Guns don't kill people. I do. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron." "They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?" "People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual." "When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE." my imaginary friend doesn't like you either i hate it when the voices argue with my imaginary friends Smile. It confuses people. I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot. I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. I’ve got problem for your solution… Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left. Every rule has an exception. Especially this one. Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything. The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as the go by. When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade. Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship. Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Don't mess with me I've got a stick. I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons! I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have Somebody needs a Happy Meal. Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. Being normal is overrated. Never hide the bodies in the same place, your closet gets full after a while. "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing." ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO! I could tell you what happened in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, but then I would have to kill you. I ran with scissors, and lived! You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor If two wrongs don't make a right, try three "When all else fails blow shit up." I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock! "I believe 'die bitch' conveys my feelings properly" "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." "You say tomato...I say fuck you." When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?" Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. "Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again To put it nicely, I hope you choke "True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream" Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn I'm not insensitive, I just don't care True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it real life isn't full of happily ever afters, just bursts of happiness that don't last very long If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. The world is cruel... get used to it! Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal. If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler. The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick. Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies, except my dog scruffy, he got hit by a car. Welcome to the world of very scary fearies! For those who think faeries are innocent little creatures... Killing gnomes with sporks! Would you like a cookie? So would I. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle. Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. A day without sunshine is like... night. A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?" A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water! Behold the mighty...chihuahua? Busy poking my neighbor with a spork. shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!! Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls. Feeding my pet old person right now...! Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-profile. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the profile. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy-profile! I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I? I do what cheerios tell me. I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my...other handle? Shit. now i'm a sugar bowl I'm bartending at an AA meeting I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in background Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me That wasnt my fault!! It was poor construction... I SWEAR!! Don't look at me like that... I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet... If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet... Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions. The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole. yo-yos were invented as a weapon If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall. You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash. The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why is it called common sense if it's so rare? A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore. A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial. A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story. A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries. A good friend will help you find your way when you are lost. A best friend will be the one who stole your compass and your map and is giving you bad directions. A good friend will help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll your car into the lake to collect the insurance. A good friend will watch your pets when you go away. A best friend won't let you go away. A good friend will help you up when you fall down. A best friend will point and laugh because they tripped you. A good friend will go to a concert with you. A best friend will help you kidnap the band. A good friend calls your parents "Mr." or "Mrs.". A best friend calls your parents "Mom" or "Dad". A good friend asks you for your number. A best friend asks you for his number. A good friend will hide you from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after you in the first place. A good friend lets you make an idiot of yourself in public. A best friend is up there with you making an idiot of themselves too. Friends hug you good-bye. Best friends rape you in the hallway Friends will ask you why you are crying but best friends already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry. She's my best friend, break her heart and I'll break your face! A friend will laugh at you when you play the air guitar a best friend will be standing there next to you doing the drum beat on your head A friend will know your favorite pop song a best friend will know your secretly into death heavy metal Friends will love your mom, best friends will want to marry your mom so they can officially be your father A friend will start talking like you, with a best friend it will make no sense when you talk A friend will try and find you a date to the dance, a best friend will be your date A friend will tell you "yes you do look good in that dress!" a best friend will be telling you, in detail, how hideous you appear A friend will take a bullet for you, a best friend will be the one pulling the trigger A friend know of the guy you like, a best friend knows all twelve of them A friend will keep track of the guy you like a best friend will track the guy you love A friend will try and calm you down when your pissed, a best friend will be cracking jokes until your over it A friend will be jealous when they see you kissing a guy, a best friend will be over-protectively ready to kill the poor guy for it My friends are people who would spend hours trying to drown a fish but I love them to death! You know you've got the greatest friends when the only time they make you cry is when you're laughing too hard. Good friends fade. Best friends are forever. Random List of Common Sense 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. 7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. 8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Did you know... kissing is healthy. bananas are good for period pain. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. lying is actually unhealthy. you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. "Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've had at least two friends (And doesn't it just plain suck ass?) move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. My biggest fear. My biggest fear is not the be the victim of a crime, nor to be the one that commits a crime. My biggest fear is not that everyone around me will die, nor that I will die. My biggest fear is something that I can’t touch. But something that constantly flies above and beyond the world. My biggest fear is not to be dumb, nor to be too smart. My biggest fear is not to fail in school. My biggest fear is not to get pregnant and have ten kids, nor is it to live a life without any kids at all. My biggest fear is around us at all times. My biggest fear watches us. My biggest fear is not that the earth and all humanity will disappear. My biggest fear is not that you will not love me, or that I won’t love you. That is not my biggest fear, no. My biggest fear crawls on you at night. My biggest fear can hide in every corner of the room, I can’t see it. My biggest fear is not emptiness. My biggest fear is the unknown. Girls Don't realize these things; I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry But most of all I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm Sorry I'm sorry Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" If you're a boy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' | |||||||
1. Children of Politics (working title)After a third World War (that nobody knows about), the children of the social elite are sent to one school, for training to take over for their parents when they die (which will happen as soon as they hit the age 50). The school seems like a nurturing place, but something lurks in the shadows. Tessa and the new student, a shy boy named Sean, must find it or lose everything.Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 99 - Published: 5-14-132. The Beginning » reviewsA long time ago a prophecy was made that told of a boy who became supernatural through unnatural means. Without meaning to he would gather an army and tear at the very fabric of the seven realms. It also told of the half breed girl who would defeat him. Who is the boy and the girl? Will she be able to stop him? Or are there forces at work that neither can overcome?Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Horror - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,969 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 5-6-13 - Published: 11-11-123. Pierre and Taylor reviewsmy fairy tale for my best friend who has fallen in love with a cartoon character that I drew. I hope she, and everyone else enjoys it. Please read and review.Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 696 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4-24-13 - Complete4. Our Little World reviewsA little family broken up by cruel fate. Two boys without a mother and with a father who can't take care of himself, much less them. They take care of each other, learning and living. WARNINGS: twincest, infanticide, attempted rape, murder, mpreg. Please read and review. NO FLAMESFiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Horror/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 689 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1-11-135. Rebellion reviewsAfter an unspecified war Humanity comes into contact with an alien species. 200 years later the descendants of that species are trying to rebel against their human master, but first you need to understand their situation. Rated M for mentions of adult themes. Read and Review Please!Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 637 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11-22-126. The Only ExceptionRE-UPLOAD. I figured it would be easier to read this way, and maybe more people would read the entire thing. The summary is the same as it was the first time that I put it up. Please read and review. I would like to know how my work really is.Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,993 - Published: 10-4-127. Guardians » reviewsAnnie is a eight year old who is still afraid of the monsters under the bed. But the early morning of her ninth birthday she finds out that not only is the monster a good guy, the bad guys have also murdered her parents and brother. The creature under the bed, Jones, then takes Annie to his world and she finds out more about herself than she ever thought possible. Rated T for murdrFiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,324 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 7-4-12 - Published: 7-3-128. Flower of Despair reviewsThe story of a young teenage girl who picks a deadly flower.Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 450 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 10-24-10 - Complete9. Deadly Attraction: The Beginning reviewsWhen the world is about to be plunged into war can Alyxis save it while also trying to not fall in love with the enemy? Who will win? The Elementals or the Destroyers? Rated T. Rating might change.Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,122 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3-11-10
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