Preface, [literal] Definition: Before face; or about face, was it? It’s the “before book” in literal speak, but I put it at the end. It defies convention,

-- and some people tell me that’s art.

If I want to defy a little convention I’ll just go to nearest strip mall, crash a Star Trek convention, and tell them Captain Picard already pwned Captain Kirk, though neither of them is real, and Vulcan is not a real language, and be rocketed probably into space by their many technological advances in the realms of the pocket protector.

“But let’s get this bad boy done,” says Kwestor. And so he and Q-bert made every sentence crackle and pop, like a Fruity pebble, because they're allergic to Rice Krispies.

Kwestor is short -- not physically -- but to the point -- a very sharp intellectual point Aunt Martha could use for shaving. You know she should every blue moon.

He was the only sex-obsessed teen who remembered the Japanese Hiragana characters “hi” and “shi” as “he” and “she,” because the Japanese characters reminded him of each gender’s respective anatomy. But now he's 25 and can only speak in French and read in Spanish.

And so one day, he and his co-author, Q-bert, went to Universal Studios Florida for some education.

“Universal Studios Florida. Isn’t that an Oxymoron? Just one little state isn’t universal.”

“But we Oxenfolk can relate.”

Shh! Hey! they're watching a movie now. It is the shakey camera scene that screams, yes, metaphorically into your retinas, “ignore all the fine visual details!” And then it whispers, yes, into your ear, in a soft way that you just might miss it, “what’s going on?” You never really can tell.

"This movie's crap."

"Dismissing something as 'crap' makes both you and the thing your dismissing look like crap. And now I look like crap. Thanks a lot, man!"

"But the book was better. Who wasn't addicted to Dr. Seuss?"

"I know I wasn't. I preferred Shel Silverstein."