My Account on Fanfiction:

http://www.fanfiction.net/AlmostGenius

I'm Almost Genius.

About Me:

Um... hi. I've never actually written one of these before... As I'm writing this (2013), I'm 14 years old. I LOVE comedy. If you can make me laugh, I'll probably give you a chance. But I also like horror. I'm kind of mentally disturbed, and it shows in my stories. Be warned. Also, enjoy my profile.

I own none of the below (except my stories, obviously):

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. (I don't own this)

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(What if you don't know how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(a little too late, huh?)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Really? Are you sure?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(I think something got lost in the translation)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use on Mars?)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(No shit Sherlock)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Was that a popular problem...?)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Children's Asprin:
Warning: Keep Away From Children
(How are they supposed to get the medicine?)

Candle:
Warning: A burning candle is fire
(WOW! I'm amazed and enlightened!)

Frozen Pizza:
Warning: Do not eat before cooking
(So... You first.)

Blanket from Taiwan:
Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
(No comment...)

Frisbee: Warning:
May Contain Small Parts
(Um... How? I always thought frisbees were just one little disc...)

Railroad Sign:
Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
(Wouldn't they be already dead?)

Hair Coloring:
Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
(Yummy! Hair dye!)

Puzzle:
Warning: Some Assembly Required (
Well darn, I was planning on just enchanting the picture!)

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Yeah right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?! Do people do this? Who and where are they?!

5. When people say while watching a film "Did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fricken floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What the heck can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?!?