| jk713 |
Author has written 19 stories for Young Adult, and General. Hi! Welcome to my profile page! I'm also on fanfiction.net and my pen name is fina2212 so if you want to read my other works but based on shows/books go there! Cinderella walked on broken glass. Girls Calling me Fake, won't make you Real. Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school Some words of wisdom: Killers stab you in the head. How to Tell if You're a Writer -If you talk to yourself. Spread the Stupidity Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. (THEY KILLIN THEMSELVES!!!!!) Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. (U GONNA GET FAT ~except from tha soda~ HAHAHA!!!!!) Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. (IMA GONNA ROB A BANK!!!! ~the pens, of course~ JUST TO PROVE I CAN!!!!!!! ~then ill return them nicely~) Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. (OOHH... SHINY...) Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. (HAHA!! UNPROPORTIONALNESS!!!!!!) Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. (STUPID VAMPIRE GOVERNMENT!!!!!!!) Only in America ... ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. (BLIND DRIVERS!!!!!) OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Things To Ponder: Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? So what's the speed of dark? How come abbreviated is such a long word? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station.. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches? What disease did cured ham have? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do alarm clocks “go off” when they start making noise? Why do we yell “Heads up!” when we should be yelling “Heads down!”? How can something be both “new” and “improved”? Why do we shut up, but quiet down? How did the “Keep Off the Grass” sign get there in the first place? The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: Funny Phobias~ If you laugh at any of these, paste it in your profile! Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words~ Doctor: "You have Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." Patient: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" Androphobia- Fear of males~ A guy wakes one morning, "OMG!!!" Unatractivephobia- Fear of ugly people~ You walk outside to your car and some old ladies walking down the street and you run inside screaming. Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful woman~ A guy looks at his fiance Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting~ Teacher: "Bobby, it's time to SIT DOWN OR ELSE." Bobby: "It's alright, I'm not *yawn* tired, I'll stand." Sophophobia- Fear of learning~ Mom: "Honey, what did you learn today?" Kid: "MOMMY!! DON'T SAY THE 'L' WORD!!!" Scriptophobia- Fear of writing in public~ A famous person. Signing autographs. Ouch. Scolionophobia- Fear of school~ Kid: "But Mommy, you're a teacher, what do you mean you don't like school?" Mom/Teacher: "I can just hear all those fingernails on the chalkboard!!" Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking~ Wife: "Just think how wonderful a trip to Paris would be..." Husband: "I WON'T DO IT!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!" The pessimist sees the darkness of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train heading straight towards them, the engineer sees three idiots standing on the railroad track. DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE: SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: Okay, so read my stories and I hoped you liked my profile. I thought a lot of the stuff was funny. | |||||||
1. The DarkI wrote it so please read itPoetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 76 - Published: 4-15-13 - Complete2. BlinkI blink, and you're gone.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 77 - Published: 4-15-13 - Complete3. Numb reviewsWhen you're on the sidelines, seeing the one you love and your friend this is how you feel. Numb.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 177 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3-9-13 - Complete4. Frownjust read please!Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Published: 3-8-135. Hate reviewsJust something I wrote about a topic that has been on my mind, hate.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 161 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 2-17-13 - Complete6. In my head reviewsHappy Valentine's day!Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 58 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2-14-13 - Complete7. Sushed voices and Wondering eyes reviewsThis is what happens when boredom strikes and you are in study hall, with computers!Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 67 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1-10-13 - Complete8. Nothing reviewsI can't summarize a poem, sorry.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 121 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1-7-13 - Complete9. True Love reviewsSomething I wrote.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 137 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1-6-13 - Complete10. ImagineNot my best work, but I am bored and had to write something.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 59 - Published: 1-6-13 - Complete11. Lost HopeA poem on trying to find something that isn't there.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 53 - Published: 12-7-12 - Complete12. 911 reviewsI know I am late for this, but this a poem I wrote in English, and just well, please read it!Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-12-1213. My notebook of poems »All the poetry I have in my notebook. Some are depressing, but like two or three are not because it is proof that I can't write anything but depressing stuff!Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 201 - Updated: 9-12-12 - Published: 6-4-1214. Snapshots » reviewsAlyson's best friend died, and she gave her 17 pictures, one for every year in her life making her find out why she died.Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,538 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 7-7-12 - Published: 6-20-1215. Broken inside reviewsA poem I had to write in ELA class, has more inside just please read1Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 84 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5-8-12 - Complete16. Sonnet1 reviewsSomething I wrote for ELA but ended up using a different one.Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 87 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5-7-12 - Complete17. Off the map » reviewsFour kids go on a journey to find an ally. But they are expected to die. Will they? Or will the live? Swiches POVs!Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,954 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 5-5-12 - Published: 5-4-1218. The one reviewsJust a small poem, my first poem and I hope that you like it!Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 138 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5-3-1219. IdentityHaley is the new girl, but there is something strange with her new school. For starts she can't remember anything after her 15th birthday.Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 876 - Published: 4-3-12