Author has written 24 stories for Life, Romance, Biography, General, Love, Family, and Song.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.”
― Phil Woosnam
( updated every Sunday, if you have suggestions, please pm me)
I am a HUFFLEPUFF. We are loyal and tenacious. We try to do what is right. Yes, the other houses think we are not competition, that we are not brave enough or smart enough or cunning enough. But you don't have to be in Gryffindor to be brave, or in Ravenclaw to be tough, or in Slytherin to be cunning. I am all of those and more. Hufflepuffs are resourceful and will have your back. We can be secretive. No hufflepuff has been a dark wizard. No people outside of our house have entered our common room in over a thousand years. If you try to enter you shall be douse in vinegar. DO NOT MESS WITH HUFFLEPUFF. HUFFLEPUFF RULES!
If you want to find out what house you're in go to http://www.pottermore.com/en-us, it is J.K ROWLING APPROVED.
Hi, my pen name used to be wensdays just so you know(yes it's spelled wrong). I'm of the female species.
I am the girl who sits in the back of the class. The type of person people look at,but never really see. The person who has been classified as smart, but isn't really that smart at all. If you looked at me you could see right through me. I guess I just sorta disappear in plain sight.
I write a lot of stores in this little blue notebook and start a lot of stories on word but I doubt many will make it here. Some don't even make it to paper. Or the webbernet.
I Know I'm not an amazing writer. I'm just average, at, like, everything. But I really want to get better at writing. There are stories in my head and I'm trying to find out how to write them. So please, read them and tell me what you think. Because, if there is one thing I want to be above average at, to give my all, it's this.
Life Rules, Sayings and Guidelines
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
What doesn't kill you... usually succeeds in the second attempt.
It's not a complete day unless I scare the crap out of one of my friends.
It's you and me against the world...we attack at dawn.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you all think all the same way.
It's Band GEEK, not Band NERD. If you are going to try to insult me, at least do it right!
Don't look at me in that tone!
WARNING! Do NOT walk in my footsteps. I run into walls...and off the occasional cliff...
I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone!
Why spell it out to you, if I can scream it in your face?
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back, and watch the world wonder how you did it.
How come parents always say, "Don't take candy from strangers," But on Halloween, it is encouraged?
Your mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, then it's gone.
The past is just the future with the lights on.
"Secret Admirers" are just stalkers with stationary.
Sarcasm is your mind's natural defense against stupidity.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children
2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts
3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping
4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire
5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Away from Children
9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap
12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness
13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use
15. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
16. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
17. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
18. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
19. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought??...)
20. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
21. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
22. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because??...)
23. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
24. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)
25. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
26. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)
27. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
28. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children." (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
29. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it!
15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"
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