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| Mackenzie Anderson |
Author has written 32 stories for General, General, Life, Friendship, Family, and Love. "Some will call this self-indulgence This is becoming my normality” “…who lied and said it was nice to see me. Who lied. And said it was nice to see me.” “…it’s not losing you that hurts me, but your bare-faced f---g falsehoods that masquerade as medical notes. Your truth, your lies, not mine. And while I was believing that you were different and that you maybe even felt the distress that sometimes flickered across your face and threatened to erupt, you were covering your arse too. Like every other stupid mortal ----. To my mind that’s betrayal. And my mind is the subject of these bewildered fragments. Nothing can extinguish my anger. “I need to become who I already am and will bellow forever at this incongruity which has committed me to hell” “I’ve never in my life had a problem giving another person what they want. But no one’s ever been able to do that for me. No one touches me, no one gets near me.” “my thought walks away with a killing smile “Built to be lonely Find me “I can fill my space Breakdown” “Please don’t switch off my mind by attempting to straighten me out. Listen and understand, and when you feel contempt don’t express it, at least not verbally, at least not to me.” “It’s not your fault, that’s all I ever hear, it’s not your fault, it’s an illness, it’s not your fault, I know it’s not my fault. You’ve told me that so often I’m beginning to think it is my fault.” “I dreamt I went to the doctor’s and she gave me eight minutes to live. I’d been sitting in the f---g waiting room half an hour.” “…let’s shut down the higher functions of my brain and perhaps I’ll be a bit more f---g capable of living.” “drowning in a sea of logic” “Every act is a symbol “Embrace beautiful lies- “Stop judging by appearances and make a right judgment.” “Sanity is found at the centre of convulsion, where madness is scorched from the bisected soul.” “You’ll be all right. You’re strong. I know you’ll be okay because I like you and you can’t like someone who doesn’t like themself. The people I fear for are the ones I don’t like because they hate themselves so much they won’t let anyone else like them either. But I do like you. I’ll miss you. And I know you’ll be ok.” “I’m angry because I understand, not because I don’t.” “no way to reach out “I thought it was silent "I’ve never understood “Despair propels me to suicide “the only thing that’s permanent is destruction “this is the sickness of becoming great this vital need for which I would die to be loved” “Validate me “I think that you think of me “I have no desire for death watch me vanish” “It is myself I have never met, whose face is pasted on the underside of my mind” -from 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane I am a poet. I write to release the pain that overwhelms me. I write to show that you are not alone. I write to tell you of the pain I've been through, in hopes that you'll come to terms with your own. I write to help. I write to love. I write to survive because without my writing, I am but an empty shell, devoid of emotions and love. I write for myself. I write to release the pain in a non-destructive manner. I write to live. I am not perfect, whatever perfection is. I've made mistakes. Still do. I've hurt those who only tried to love me. I am learning to live again. | |||||||||
1. Sparring reviewsVerbal sparring... what happens when someone struggling to remain "good" is forsaken because of their inclination towards "evil? Bad summary. M/F, F/FGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,660 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4-19-06 - Published: 4-19-062. Thin Enough reviewsstream of consciousness, third person narrative. Anorexia. Don't read if it's triggering. Not glorifying it, just trying to make sense of it all. R/R if you want.General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,849 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 10-9-05 - Published: 10-9-053. Reversing the Hourglass » reviewsIs it really possible to judge someone based on their actions? Maybe it's a matter of looking at the past to explain the present... May be a little confusing at first. Some f/f, m/f, hints of abuse... updated! Please review... constructive criticism.General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,879 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 9-27-05 - Published: 8-4-054. Falling Numbers, Lying Mirror reviews"the more the numbers fall, the more the mirror lies..." struggles with an eating disorder. R&R if you willGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 598 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 9-14-05 - Published: 9-14-055. Already Dead reviewsa 'fallen angel' mourns the loss of the ability to cry as she continues to fall. Odd style for me.General - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 162 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 5-26-05 - Published: 5-26-056. Time Bomb » reviewsLooking back at how it started, and inevitably, ended. Cycle of abuse, female/female relationship. Based on true events.General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,422 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 3-16-05 - Published: 3-4-057. Memories » reviewsshort vignettes dealing with serious subjects...you decide which are real. found one I never posted, and added oneGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 1,173 - Reviews: 38 - Updated: 3-2-05 - Published: 3-14-028. You Don't Know Me reviewsNothing like someone seeing your old scars to make you feel alone in the world...General - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 134 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 1-16-05 - Published: 1-16-059. Reverie » reviewsA girl is haunted by the events in a strange dream world where she’s kept as a slave to a powerful man... But what is reality, and what has her mind fabricated? (COMPLETE)General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 9,969 - Reviews: 14 - Updated: 11-30-04 - Published: 11-12-0410. Twenty Seven Tuesdays » reviewsLove twisted by abuse. (warnings: f/f, abuse, language)General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,296 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 11-6-04 - Published: 11-6-0411. You Think reviewsPeople always think depression is stupid until they're the ones suffering...General - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 116 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 6-30-04 - Published: 6-30-0412. Because of You reviews"I die softly, so sweetly..." Is it wrong to hate the one who brought you into the world...?General - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 32 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 2-26-04 - Published: 2-26-0413. Jonestown Tea reviewsWARNING: (nongraphic) incest... a girl goes through years of sexual abuse at her father's hands... but how will she escape? *strong warnings* based on song by OtepGeneral - Fiction Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,727 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 10-26-03 - Published: 10-26-0314. Suddenly reviewssuddenly I have found my reason to live again... another sappy poemGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 100 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 9-25-03 - Published: 9-25-0315. Underneath a Moonlit Sky reviewslaying under the stars with the one I love... it's very sappy... wrote it for my beautiful girlfriendGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 63 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-25-03 - Published: 9-25-0316. Numb reviewssongfic to "Numb" by Linkin Park. "I'm tired of being what you want me to be." f/f implied.General - Fiction Rated: K - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,059 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9-8-03 - Published: 9-8-0317. My Goodbyes reviewsfinally... i am free from your lies.General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 162 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 9-8-03 - Published: 9-8-0318. Beyond the Fake Smile reviewsodd style... I like how this came out. Another victim of circumstances beyond my control... a broken girl behind a fake smile.Family - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 5-23-03 - Published: 5-23-0319. The Way I Was reviewsI suppose this is for you, Mick. I truly am sorry, and I deserve your hatred for the way I once was... and never will be again.General - Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 213 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 5-15-03 - Published: 5-15-0320. Walls of Glass reviewsI see you behind your walls and I wonder... do you only hurt others to justify your own pain?General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 5-14-03 - Published: 5-14-0321. Forgetting You reviewsI forget you... finally, I will be free from your influence.Love - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 167 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 4-11-03 - Published: 4-11-0322. Always Wrong reviewsalways second best to my mother's girlfriend... why am I always wrong? why is she always right? please r/rFamily - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 4-8-03 - Published: 4-8-0323. Self Destruction reviewsIn me, destruction is all you'll ever find.General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 133 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 3-30-03 - Published: 3-30-0324. In Loving Memory reviews"I will always love you/And will forever carry this sorrow within my soul." Perhaps my best poem to date... please r&rGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 194 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 3-26-03 - Published: 3-26-0325. The Very End reviewswritten for KLM. May your tattered wings finally take flight...Friendship - Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 143 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 3-18-03 - Published: 3-18-0326. Slipping reviewsalways so tempting to slip into the abyss of oblivion...General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 118 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 3-12-03 - Published: 3-12-0327. Whispers of Eternity reviewsshe's finally allowed to escape... but will she? f/f undertonesGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 792 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 3-12-03 - Published: 3-12-0328. Embracing Death reviewswhat do you think?Life - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 109 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 3-11-03 - Published: 3-11-0329. Complicated Simplicity reviewsa girl struggles with anorexia and cutting... very graphic.General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 277 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 3-1-03 - Published: 3-1-0330. I am reviewswho am I? no one knows for sure...General - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 3-1-03 - Published: 3-1-0331. Kill Me reviews"Kill me, darling, you're almost there/Go on, destroy me with your lies."General - Fiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 153 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 12-10-02 - Published: 12-10-0232. Pain Inside reviewssong in beginning; not songfic. My experiences with depression, eating disorders, and cutting. All true for those who're gna askGeneral - Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,326 - Reviews: 23 - Updated: 7-24-02 - Published: 7-24-02
