Warner Hedgehog

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since	: 06-01-12, id: 844499, Profile Updated: 02-01-13
country	: UK

Author has written 22 stories for Fantasy, Humor, Life, Humor, and Fantasy.

I write whatever strange tales enter my head. Sometimes it's a drawn out story, other times it's a short tale. I must go where my muse takes me. One day it'll get a collar and a GPS tag.

For those interested, very bored or with too much time on their hands, here is a bit about me.

Age (see 'Big Hairy Lies')

806 give or take a few thingumy-doodads.

Interests:

Writing weird tales and peculiar poetry, listening to music, playing guitar and ukulele, painting.

Influences:

Just about anything I read or hear probably, but for listing's sake:

Rosie Jackson, Terry Pratchett, Lisa Swerling, Ralph Lazar, Grant Naylor (I know), Douglas Adams, Tom Holt, Tom Clancy, Spike Milligan, That M. Python crowd, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Mary Gauthier, Stephen Fry, Nanci Griffith, The late great Kirsty MacColl, Hayao Miyazaki, Elmore Leonard , The DORC podcast, the writers of Dangermouse and many others.

Big hairy Lies:

For the interests in continuing the sillines of the stuff I write...

Jupiter is home to a race of nuclear shrews, Eating the right cereal at the right time will turn you into Abraham Lincoln, Birmingham is available in gingham and shades of pastel pink, Michael Stipe has spent the last three weeks sitting on an egg in the hopes it will hatch. It won't as it's a Kinder Egg, If you bite a radioactive duck you will turn into Mother Goose and thus you will appear in pantomime in Grimsby with Helen Lederer in 1876.

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1. Empty Head on a Saturday Night
The chav. All bling and stuff in a pimped-up car.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 199 - Published: 2-7-13 - Complete

2. Forlorn Eatery
Based on one lunchtime in a cafe in Dorset, this tells of the general fact that no-one was about. Exciting isn't it?
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Published: 2-4-13 - Complete

3. The second book review
Another round up of fictional rubbish.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 548 - Published: 2-3-13

4. Waiting
Sitting in a waiting room, an this enters my head.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 84 - Published: 1-30-13 - Complete

5. The Book Review reviews
A fictional review of fictional books, which gave me an excuse to use the phrase 'Bombastic tones'. This is probably inspired/plagiarised or something similar by Monty Python's 'Rock Notes'. If anyone has been on the sauce and feels like having a crack at one of the fictional tales that are mentioned, then go for it.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 529 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1-27-13 - Complete

6. The Strange Man Stories: Nurdle's Twist
A story in the Man's world, yet not about or involving him. This probably needs more work and some refinement, which it may get. As for the idea of the monument: It's the subject of several paintings I've done. I just thought it'd be nice to put it into a story somewhere.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,216 - Published: 1-25-13

7. Beguiling Spongaloo
Another nonsense poem, again in a Spike Milligan style (Cheers Spike!). I think this one vaguely originates from the idea of the Gnolls in Terry Pratchett's Discworld. Nice one Terrence.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 239 - Published: 1-24-13 - Complete

8. Snockpods above reviews
A nonsense poem for modern times (or something like that). For the record, I didn't invent the word 'Snockpod', though I wish I had.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 131 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1-24-13 - Complete

9. An Anglo Perspective
Living in England (a land where it rains far too much), there's a very common topic of conversation. This is about that very thing.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Published: 1-22-13

10. The Tale of Duckwhiskers »
The Cinderella story without the emphasis on that attention-seeking little madam. Inspired by...to be honest I have no idea. Now slightly re-worked with a better end.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,211 - Updated: 1-20-13 - Published: 1-19-13 - Complete

11. The Pearly King of the Theatre »
The Phantom of the Opera meets Eastenders. Sort of. It's a quite a bit longer than my usual output and will come in many chapters (ooh-err) so who knows how this will go. The 'Magical Lasso' bit is now there. Progress at it's best.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,695 - Updated: 1-19-13 - Published: 1-14-13

12. Gettin Singey With It
A silly little poem about choral life.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Published: 1-16-13 - Complete

13. The Elixir
Vaguely cautionary tale about a not particularly mythical drink. It's not hard to work out what it is.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Published: 1-11-13 - Complete

14. Requiem for a Kitty
What is a house cat, but a hairy paperweight?
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 120 - Published: 1-11-13 - Complete

15. The Strange Man Stories: One of the Chosen
The strange man chooses someone. This is a bit of her story. It's not complete and at the moment the ending is a bit of a cop-out. Suggestions on how to end it a bit better would be appreciated. Starting a story is simple, ending it does your brain in.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,972 - Published: 1-10-13

16. The Flickering Light reviews
A poem about the nature of television. It's a bit of pretentious twaddle, but never mind.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 145 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1-10-13 - Complete

17. Climb the Wall
One of those mildly irritating, life-affirming bits of poetry. It's so sappy that I should apologise for it, but...I'm not going to.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 47 - Published: 1-9-13

18. The Strange Man Stories: The Day of the Dare reviews
Once upon a time a man was dare to cross that road. This is that day.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,574 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1-2-13 - Complete

19. The Sea of Illusion
This story is the result of a weird dream. It's nowhere near complete (miles off in fact). It hasn't even got a proper plot yet! Any ideas/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,039 - Published: 11-15-12

20. An Archer's Plight
A list poem written last year while on a creative writing course. Essentially it's the thoughts of an archer as they shoot.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 100 - Published: 6-11-12 - Complete

21. The Ballad of Mandy the Chav reviews
Originally intended as a song, this tells of a girl without a clue.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 188 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-10-12 - Complete

22. The Strange Man reviews
A very short tale of a man no-one has met who somehow grants instant fame to those he favours.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 394 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-6-12 - Complete