Hello! I'm new to Fictionpress and I'm on Fanfiction.

Below is some random stuff ->

My friend spilled some spot remover on their dog... Now they can't find him

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific

I love to go shopping... I love to freak out salespeople... They ask me if

they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask

me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium"

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

I'm not as dumb as you look

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to punch the person. (hehe...)