I use logic like a deadly laser weapon. (Not really.)

Hi, I'm beansie, and I like giving my characters tedious and weird names for no reason.

More about yours truly:

I am -CENSORED- years old, and live on a planet, on a continent, and in a city, which I like to refer to as Mordor.

I write poetry that is apparently unfit to be put on a bus, original stories which I never seem to finish, and bad fanfiction, which you can find here: beanpaste-chan. Seriously, it's really freakin' bad, and should probably not be read. Hey, but if you want to... at least I don't write Twilight fanfiction, okay? Oh, and I should warn you that I haven't updated any of the fanfics that I have in... say, about a year or two. And my profile hasn't been updated for months. So, look at it if you must, but it's not really a good judge of my current writing skills.

I like: chocolate, Fang from Maximum Ride, LocoRoco, The Dark Knight, Japanese candy, GOOD manga and anime, Fringe, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, Hellboy, Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland, Doctor Who, China Mieville, D.M. Cornish's Monster Blood Tattoo series, Stephen King, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Glee, horrible physical deformities, Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan trilogy, the Gormenghast trilogy, Torchwood, Jack Harkness, the guy who plays Jack Harkness, guys with skinny legs, Sendhil Ramamurthy, apples, Katamari Damacy, webcomics, and a plethora of other things.

UPDATE:

Doin' stuff. Too lazy to update further. Love ya.

-beansie

END UPDATE

Stories yet to come:

The Long Dream

It's hard to understand fully what I've been through unless you know the details. First, I woke up in a dingy, freezing shower, fully-clothed, with the worst hangover of my life. Second, after I had dried myself off, I found myself to be in an apartment. This apartment looked like a tornado had run through it. There was some guy, completely stoned, saying that I had told him that he could 'crash here'. There was also a dead fat guy in the kitchen. Might I add that the aparment wasn't even mine? And third, after I left the apartment, I realized that I wasn't even in my own city... or even, for that matter, my own world.

"At last, the mysterious Donna B. finally enters the stage."

(I have always wanted to write something this decadently weird since, like, forever. Heavily inspired by Jhonen Vasquez's work, Fringe, Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei, Silent Hill and other 'ambient horror nightmare world' games, and some other things. Expect srs surreality and lots and lots of water.)

Suicide Kings

Juliet Wagner has lived all her life in the city of Gates, and never found a single irregular thing. Her city is her city, plain and simple, with no added flavors. But this familiarity is quickly interrupted by the arrival of a noisy, bombastic American, who literally breaks through her quiet ideals on his pink Vespa. Quite suddenly, Juliet is thrust into a strange, shifting world in search of a magical Sharpie which may or may not exist.

To know you is to hate you, then loving you must be like suicide.

(The one and only. I love this story, it's amazing and filled with fish. Quite literally, in fact. So, I'm writing it, and I don't know if I'll put it up here 'cause this story is the one I want published most of all. Heavily inspired by The Order of Odd-Fish, Doctor Who, Tekkon Kinkreet, No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain, and The Umbrella Academy. Parent of many sequels. Expect fish fish fish fish fish, food, horrifying things, spectacular things, weird creatures, Lucky--who is famous in his own right--, and a bunch of other things that I can't tell you about. Probably M for naughty words and violence. Fantasy all the gorram way.)

(Untitled until I can think of something good)

"Thanks to anyone who's listening, we really appreciate it... The precious time that you are taking right now to listen to me may mean the difference between life and death. My name's Nicky Gallman, and I'm going to tell you a story..."

Nicky Gallman's been living in Tokyo for all of his life, skipping from school to school, apartment to apartment, never lingering anywhere for more than a year. His ex-military half-brother, Charlie, tells him that it's because his aunts are trying to kill him. One day, Charlie disappears; Nicky, confused and alone, searches Charlie's room, and finds more than he ever imagined: not only are his aunts actually trying to kill him, but his very existence may well mean the destruction of everything.

In desperation, he travels back to his aunts' house, in search of the one person who may be able to help him: the Chosen One, his supposed adversary for the fate of the human race.

(I love playing with character roles: in this story, the Dark Lord/Adversary character is the hero, confused and scared; the Chosen One is also the hero, and is also confused and scared; and everyone else trying to pick sides is the villain. It's Hero vs. Society, Hero vs. Self, and TOTALLY AWESOME! Heavily influenced by Jhonen Vasquez's works, especially Johnny The Homicidal Maniac; The Order of Odd-Fish, which is another great book that plays with character roles; and Let The Right One In. It may very well be one of the strangest combinations of awesome I've ever thought of. Genres and rating currently unknown.)

Doomsday Boys and Girls

In the near future, a biotoxin nicknamed "fish flu" has wiped out the majority of the fish, crustacean, cetacean, and cephalopod population on earth, leaving only several species of deep-sea fish immune. Robbed of much of its food supply, the world begins cloning and bio-engineering fish from the remaining population. With this endeavor a success, scientists move on to other animals--mammals, reptiles, birds, and, very slowly, humans--to try to improve them as they have the fish.

The world is changing.

But still it turns on its axis, despite the fact that humanity inches ever closer to complete anihilation...

(An awesome sci-fi biopunk sorta-horror story. Yes, this is the one that I was working on a while ago, but then dropped for a bit. But it's back, now with 25 more super sexy Abel goodness! Heavily influenced by Maximum Ride--but I promise it'll be BETTER--, Heroes--BUT IT'LL BE BETTER! NO ROACH-MOHINDER, I PROMISE!--, Torchwood, Invader Zim, and Fringe. Expect scarily-mutated medical experiments, head-exploding, scarily-depraved clones, super sexy Abel, espionage, humor, fish, awesome near-future technology, tricked-out cellphones, and tons of butt-kicking action! T or higher; Action: Sci-fi/Horror or something.)