Cute doesn't matter if you don't smell good. -Classic me.

Hi, I'm beansie, and I like giving my characters tedious and weird names for no reason.

More about yours truly:

I am -CENSORED- years old, and live on a planet, on a continent, and in a city, which I like to refer to as Mordor.

I write poetry that is apparently unfit to be put on a bus, original stories which I never seem to finish, and bad fanfiction, which you can find here: beanpaste-chan. Seriously, it's really freakin' bad, and should probably not be read. Hey, but if you want to... at least I don't write Twilight fanfiction, okay? Oh, and I should warn you that I haven't updated any of the fanfics that I have in... say, about a year or two. And my profile hasn't been updated for months. So, look at it if you must, but it's not really a good judge of my current writing skills.

I like: chocolate, Fang from Maximum Ride, LocoRoco, The Dark Knight, Japanese candy, GOOD manga and anime, Fringe, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, Hellboy, Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland, Doctor Who, China Mieville, D.M. Cornish's Monster Blood Tattoo series, Stephen King, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Glee, horrible physical deformities, Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan trilogy, the Gormenghast trilogy, Torchwood, Jack Harkness, the guy who plays Jack Harkness, guys with skinny legs, Sendhil Ramamurthy, apples, Katamari Damacy, webcomics, and a plethora of other things.

UPDATE:

Doomsday Boys and Girls has gotten disturbing (finally!), which means that it's pretty much ready to be put on FP. Now, all I have to do is WRITE IT...

-beansie

END UPDATE

Stories yet to come:

The Art of Losing: a Fairytale

He was completely aware of his tenuous position in the world, and even though he realized that fact, he didn't try to resist it. At least, until the stranger with a croquet mallet wormed her way into his life. Then, things got complicated.

(Apocalyptic fairy tale, anybody? Expect it to come sooner than you think. T.)

Hero Syndrome

Nicky Gallman can glow in the dark. Well, the technical term is 'bioluminescence', but really, who knows what that means, anyway? All his life, he's been felt inconvenienced by this strange ability... until he meets Quinn, a homeless teenager with massive untapped psychic powers and inherent leadership qualities. They quickly round up a group of outsiders who share the same sentiments as they do: confusion, boredom, and inconvenience. Nicky becomes the 'power behind the throne' to Quinn, but he again becomes distracted by the loss of a friend and the appearance of a mysterious vigilante who always wears a gas mask.

(This comes from reading a lot of 'superhero team' comics when I was little, and now, my continuous fascination with Teen Titans, Heroes--even though it's gotten bad--and any other what-have-you. It kind of mixes that element with court intrigue and that special brand of Marvel Comics' Runaways teenage superhero angst. It's all good. Drama: Action/Sci-fi, T.

Suicide Kings

It seemed like the hottest day of the summer when Juliet met him. The sweat was making her sundress stick to her back, her just-straightened hair was starting to frizz, and her feet were sliding off her flip-flops... when he almost ran her over on his motor-scooter.

Soon, she found herself on a quest for some so-called magic Sharpie in a city that's crazier than hell with the jackass who tried to run her down in the street.

This is gonna be a weird day, she thought.

(This is my weird epic. Inspired by several readings of such glory as The Order of Odd-Fish, Un Lun Dun, and Abarat. Set in a surprisingly Asian-inspired city. Expect street food, hot guys, flying motor-scooters, abandoned buildings, scary things, danger, awkward romance, and just general totally-jacked-up craziness. Lots of swearing, too. T or M, Fantasy: Adventure/Humor. Or something of that sort.)

Doomsday Boys and Girls

In the near future, a biotoxin nicknamed "fish flu" has wiped out the majority of the fish, crustacean, cetacean, and cephalopod population on earth, leaving only several species of deep-sea fish immune. Robbed of much of its food supply, the world begins cloning and bio-engineering fish from the remaining population. With this endeavor a success, scientists move on to other animals--mammals, reptiles, birds, and, very slowly, humans--to try to improve them as they have the fish.

The world is changing.

But still it turns on its axis, despite the fact that humanity inches ever closer to complete anihilation...

(An awesome sci-fi biopunk sorta-horror story. Yes, this is the one that I was working on a while ago, but then dropped for a bit. But it's back, now with 25 more super sexy Abel goodness! Heavily influenced by Maximum Ride--but I promise it'll be BETTER--, Heroes--BUT IT'LL BE BETTER! NO ROACH-MOHINDER, I PROMISE!--, Torchwood, Invader Zim, and Fringe. Expect scarily-mutated medical experiments, head-exploding, scarily-depraved clones, super sexy Abel, espionage, humor, fish, awesome near-future technology, tricked-out cellphones, and tons of butt-kicking action! T or higher; Action: Sci-fi/Horror or something.)

When You're Evil

Edward Ivan Saint-James is the ultimate force of good in the universe.

Alexander Petrelli, the boy Mr. Saint-James bullied all through junior high and high school, decides to retaliate by becoming the ultimate force of evil in the universe. However, he never realized it would be so hard being evil... especially with an ill-tempered right-hand man who seems to barely respect him, a trio of punks in pinstriped suits proclaiming their allegiance to the forces of chaos, a rather ghetto delinquent demanding a title, and, of course, the legions of various dictators, demons, and psychopathic teenagers also claiming to be the ultimate force of evil in the universe.

It gets so lonely being evil...

(An idea I got while enjoying such things as Invader Zim and Evil Genius by Catherine Jinks. It's fun writing characters who aren't inherently evil, but try anyway. Expect Death Note references. Humor: Parody/Adventure or something, I dunno. T, probably.)

Marvelous Things

A street urchin witnesses the death of a sword-swallower, and is soon brought into a world full of fear, treachery, and unspeakable danger.

(Alternate-history steampunk horror fantasy, from the idiot who tried to bring you UnLucky and Dare! I know this is, like, the fourth story I have tried to write with the title of Marvelous Things, but hopefully I will actually WRITE this one, and maybe it will be posted on FP. That sentence just made no sense. Wish me luck! Expect carnies, witches, sword-swallowers, contortionists, bad grammar on the part of the heroine, zombies, and if you're good, maybe some Eldritch Horrors. Probably T.)