| MidNight The Magnificent |
Author has written 30 stories for Mythology, Humor, Fantasy, Biography, Life, Song, Fantasy, General, Family, War, Friendship, School, Romance, and Sci-Fi. Name: MidNight The Magnificent(Yeah, that's my real name. & that's all you're getting.) Age: Immortally 18(I'm invincible too.) Hair: Short black crew cut. I like it like that. (I'd also like purple highlights, but... The mother says “NO WAY”. End of discussion. So much for that. No matter. It's better that way. She couldn't recognize me when I've escaped from house arrest as I will, eventually... Mawhahahahaha!) Gender:Female. (With Testerone.) You decide for yourself who/what I am. Skin tone: Nice healthy tan with big beautiful tattoos all over. (Yeah right. I fucking wish.) I'd really like to get a caduceus tattoo on my back though. All in shades of royal purple. (Again, no way the mother can ID me then... Heh.) Mawhahahahahaha! Eyes: Black. They'd hypnotize you into doing whatever I say. Who I've got in my CD collection: A rather wide (& totally random) list which includes just about everybody & anybody from The Carpenters & Air Supply to Queen & The Police Shania Twain”Man, I feel like a woman! Yeah”/Lobo/Metallica... Not forgetting Matchbox 20, Garbage, Mika, Micheal Jackson, Oasis, Rod Stewart, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits, Pink Floyd... & gods knows who else I've forgotten(i.e. neglected to listen to lately) It totally helps to have so many different artists to choose to listen to, depending on what I'm in the mood to write. Not that I'd ever write a love story (sorry, Air Supply.), more likely erotica than a conventional love story. Are you fucking kidding me! Oh, and I just signed up for a deviantArt account, MidNightMagnificent on deviantArt so please drop by if you do have the time. Flash animations and random photomanipulations I do are all up there. See ya! As Said By... ME! Being the egomaniac yours truly is, I hereby present you with some quotes from/about yours truly. Heh. “It's never the ending that matters, but rather, the events leading up to it.”2005 “Thank gods for hate. It's a feeling just as strong as love, only NOT self-destructive.”16th Jan 07 “I'm really not a greedy girl. All I ask is one superpower. Invincibility.”29th Aug 07 “On second thoughts, I guess I'd settle for Batman's GREATEST SUPERPOWER OF ALL. Limitless moolah. After all, ANY thing/one can be bought these days, as long as you got the .”9th Sep 07 “I really wasn't lying when I said that I preferred girls. I am female & I do love myself above all others.”15th Sep 07 “No, I won't have a camera crane. I want a cherry picker so I can put my cameraman up there. It's no fun shouting at a computer.”8th Mar 08 “We are perfection incarnate.”8th March '08 “Believe me, tons of people would be dead already of I lived my life like in a movie/video game.”19th March '08 “We'd never have to worry about a sex tape featuring yours truly because “Nope, I'd never been interested in playing Princesses. I saw the appeals of being Queen though. Queens get to order 'OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!' Mawhahahahahaha!”24th March '08 "Saying 'falling in love' or any other variation of that phrase, for that matter is so... YUCK!, so I'm now putting it this way: 'Hell freezes over before I fuck a man over what he's done to me emotionally.' Yeah baby. I may hate his guts, but as long as the sex is good, I don't fucking care."5th Apr 08 “I'd rather turn my back on my world than on the family. Not out of love, believe me, it's simply because I know that the world is less likely to stick a knife in there.”19th April '08 “Love? What use would I have for love? All I need is hate. Hate, & all the luck in the world, with Hermes' blessing.”23rd April '08 “The one thing I'll never be is sui-cidal. Homi-cidal is all fine and good 'cause that ain't MY survival on the line. Other people? Who fucking cares?!”25th April '08 “Lovers? I don't do lovers. Just fuck buddies.”Turquoise, 13th May '08 "I do not live in the world of reality."29th June '08 “I am not A big fat bitch. I am THE big fat bitch.”30th June '08 “Can't be a goddess? That's alright. Monsters are immortal creatures too, are they not? But, one way or another, I will live forever!”15th Jul '08 "What's the use of an altar without AT LEAST some dried (Human) bloodstains?!"-23rd Jan '11 "Yes, I was born with a vagina. It's a birth defect. Shut the fuck up about it."-9th March '11 "I am an exception to every rule I know, including the one I just made up." 21st Jul '10 "Me? I'm just the one with a vagina that guys call out to trade dick jokes over football and beer, NEVER the one who gets invited back after for a make-out session. And you know what? I'm perfectly in love with this arrangement." "Modesty is for people who are ashamed of what they've accomplished."-16th June '11 "In a battle of wits, I don't bend. I just break. I break all the people I toy with."-17th June '11 "I drink because my liver is transplantable. I don't do drugs because my brains are NOT."-19th Jan '12 The Origins Of The Realm Of Delusion... (You know, that imaginary fantasy land in my head that I keep referring to occasionally...) @ here!Thank you! (Oh, & don't worry about that content warning thing. It's just me joking randomly & often, irreverently about sex, religion & other "sacred" stuff. Knowing me, as far as I'm bloody concerned, NOTHING ought to be sacred & everything's just a whipping boy for me to have fun with. Really! No harm meant.) It started as an in-joke between me & a few close friends that I was delusional enough to be crowned the Queen of Delusion(“I'd never been interested in playing Princesses. I saw the appeals of being Queen though. Queens get to order 'Off with their heads!'"24th March. Yes, Alice In Wonderland has been a tremendous influence. Still dig it.) Now, all Queens needed something to rule over, so we created my domain, the Realm Of Delusion. It was really REALLY funny & the absolute BEST part was that everybody else started thinking I was into some BOY called RoD(Are you fucking with me?! I'm obviously not into BOYS. Men, perhaps, but even then, not emotionally.) And so, the Realm Of Delusion still exists happily to this day. It's a safe refuge for the Queen whenever the real world gets too much. In fact, I haven't ventured out since 5 years ago when I pretty much moved here permanently. Yes, all mail to be directed here too: sg_loudhailer@hotmail.com. Get in touch for a chat! Thank gods this place has broadband. It might interest you to know that inhabitants of this fantasy land include the one & only, yours truly, MidNight The Magnificent(aka the Empress Of Delusion...), Evil Twin(who I recently discovered is actually MALE, which would explain all the testerone. He likes to take over my body from time to time. Yes, Evil Twin is a pervert. BUT! He's MY pervert, so that's alright, I guess.), Conscience(whom I've locked it up in the deepest, darkest dungeons. Couldn't stand it nagging in my ear all the time then. It's so much better now.) I will be a movie director someday, just you watch me! But in the meantime, I think I'll probably work as a stand-up to make ends meet or something. I'm pretty sure I can handle all that humour stuff. I certainly write a lot of it. Homophobia and You: They're people too! Stop the hate and spread the love! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it. Personally, I'm “Female with Testerone”, so I'm rather confused about where I fit into all this too. What/Who am I? Sigh... Doesn't matter. I still love me anyway. Oh, & yeah, still dig men in that SEXUAL way. Just not interested emotionally. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... The dream I'm currently working on is, MidNight's Twisted Tales, so please R&R. Thank you so much, I love you guys! Excellent news! How To Be A Supervillain is now COMPLETE! You know what to do, dears, R&R! Advice that's always worked for me that I figured I'd share with ya'll... "Write the exact book that you yourself would be thrilled to read."Lee Child "Writing is easy. All you have to do is stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."Gene Fowler | |||||
1. Parody Songs » reviewsFamous songs that I've rewritten for humour's sake. Usually quite general, though I try to give a bit of a backstory where needed. Inspired by all the bloody talented parodists on youtube. But I can't sing, so I just post them HERE. Warning-Getting dirty.Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 11,321 - Reviews: 39 - Updated: 1-5-12 - Published: 2-6-102. Six Word Stories » reviewsA collection of six word stories that I'll be writing on a weekly basis as part of challenges for theWrittenRevolution on deviantArt. There's no fixed theme on the challenges so I'm just putting this under General. Wide scope of subjects covered.Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 295 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 8-13-11 - Published: 6-27-113. A Forest Of Wires reviewsWritten for a writing prompt, "a forest of wires"Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: K - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 122 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-12-11 - Complete4. Tic Tac Toe World Cup reviewsPrompt: "Fans riot outside the Tic-Tac-Toe World Cup"Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 281 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8-12-11 - Complete5. Nine Tattoos Of Women's Names reviewsFor a writing prompt "Nine tattoos of women's names".Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 772 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-12-11 - Complete6. Intellectual Masturbation reviewsA poem about how much I hate Literature classes in school. That's not to say I hate Literature. Just the classes. How were Lit lessons for you, in schools?Poetry: School - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-27-11 - Complete7. NERF Guns reviewsA loving ode to my favourite childhood toy!Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 185 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-11-118. Psychological Mindfuck reviewsIt's fun to mess with people's minds. Plus, great intellectual stimulation if you manage to find the right person to wage your war against. I never break. I never back down. Who wants to play with me?Poetry: War - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 46 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5-10-119. MidNight's Twisted Tales » reviewsFairytales. Cannibalism. Bloodlust. What could go wrong when MidNight The Magnificent throws them all into the creative blender she calls her mind? Enjoy!Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 86 - Words: 28,803 - Reviews: 170 - Updated: 4-9-11 - Published: 6-26-0810. Driving My Teachers And Lecturers Up The Wall » reviewsIt's insane having yours truly for a student. Here's a little taste of what happens. All incidents have been recorded down in their entirety. Screw the "innocent". Rated T for no-holds barred sexual innuendo.Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,996 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 3-8-11 - Published: 6-15-1011. Truths reviewsJust a random, sorta angsty poem that I wrote when I was pissed. Warning! Very much not my usual style. Feel free to tear me apart over that.Poetry: Family - Rated: K - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 176 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10-1-10 - Complete12. Youth Olympic Games » reviewsOh no! Nobody wants to buy tickets for the all important international event. Nobody wants to volunteer to help organize this event either. What can they do! Genre would be political satire, but I don't know what comes closest so I'm just putting it inFiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 972 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9-18-10 - Complete13. How To Be A Superhero, Supervillain » reviewsWant in on the Superhero/Supervillain bandwagon? Let MidNight The Magnificent show you the way! Let's take over the world! Okay, you can all be my evil minions. It MY world! Mawhahahahahahaha!Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 18 - Words: 6,282 - Reviews: 31 - Updated: 4-9-10 - Published: 8-25-08 - Complete14. The Impossible Rhyme reviewsAn "impossible" rhyme that formed in my head one night Yes, it happens. And possibly some other silly poems in the future? Maybe some random short stories too?Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 88 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3-17-1015. INVINCIBILITY reviewsA poem on the ONE superpower that I ask for. I'm really not such a greedy girl, after all. ONE superpower is all.Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 208 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2-1-10 - Complete16. Split Personality » reviewsI'm putting an end to this. Too many in-jokes that general readers will not understand, so... yeah. Go read my other stories, not this one. The other sides of my personality show through in the tales I spin too... Now, GO.Fiction: Biography - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,341 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 11-8-09 - Published: 11-3-0917. Michael Jackson:My Tribute » reviewsMy tribute to the greatest King of Pop there ever was, or will be. RIP, Michael.Poetry: Song - Rated: K - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 328 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 7-24-09 - Published: 7-1-09 - Complete18. Immortality reviewsThere's only one thing that I'm asking for. That doesn't sound too greedy, does it? What am I taking about? Come on in & find out... My first attempt at original poetry. R&R if you can figure out what the title is.Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 251 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5-19-09 - Complete19. 100 Words Biography reviewsAll about the one & only MidNight The Magnificent. Squeezed into a 100 words. Tough, but funnily enough, POSSIBLE.Fiction: Biography - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 264 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4-15-09 - Complete20. 7 Deadly Sins NOT! » reviewsYes! I talk Philosophy too. Mixed with tons of humour. If only all churches preached like me. FINISHED!Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,614 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 4-5-09 - Published: 9-22-08 - Complete21. How To Hire Evil Genius Scientists reviewsEver needed to hire an Evil Genius Scientist? Let MidNight teach you how to exploit them fully! Oneshot.Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 400 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 2-15-09 - Complete22. Word Vomit Humourous » reviewsStuff that runs around my head at night before I fall asleep or pops into my head at midnight, waking me up & leaving me unable to fall back into slumber until I record it down. Bedside pen & paper's always necessary for me.Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,282 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-14-08 - Published: 3-20-0823. How To Remain A Happily Unemployed Teenage Slacker reviewsResist ALL attempts by Adults to bug you into getting your own job. LEECH off them for as long as possible. You're still a TEENAGE slacker, damnit. Act like one! One-shot.Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 544 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11-4-08 - Complete24. Childhood Dreams »Some bored violent fantasies that a friend & I are working on to develop into a proper screenplay/movie script. A Crime/Fantasy/Noir thing... R&R, thanks! Should have a proper screenplay in a abt a year or 2? Really kinda unable to work on it together nowFiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Crime/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,235 - Updated: 10-10-08 - Published: 9-5-0825. How To Create An Epic reviewsLet MidNight show you the way to creating your own epic blockbuster! MidNightTheMagnificent will not be held responsible capital for lost on such reckless ventures. Good luck anyways, guys! Now, get out there & make your own epic movie!Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 615 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-18-08 - Complete26. MidNight's How To Deal With Raving&Ranting Adults reviewsLet MidNight The Magnificent guide you on how to deal with that person who just so happens to have more authority than you & is hollering into your ear. Annoying, I know. Believe me. I call them the Ravin' & Rantin' Adults.Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 294 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8-26-08 - Complete27. The Trojan Horse » reviewsA skit about the Trojan War, with all the gods involved. Chapter 2 with all the handwritten comments/edits added in. Still hilarious & irreverent. "Please, Zeus, I mean no harm. Don't strike me down with a mighty thunderbolt."Fiction: Mythology - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,779 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 6-11-08 - Published: 2-22-08 - Complete28. Dating Etiquettes For Dummies reviewsThe Do's & Don'ts of the dating world as presented to you by the utterly dateless MidNightTheMagnificent.Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 396 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 3-23-08 - Complete29. Hazard SpoofMy interpretation of the song Hazard by Richard Marx. I didn't write the song, though.Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 726 - Published: 2-28-08 - Complete30. A Comedy Class Skit reviewsA short class skit I came up with for English lesson. Funny comedy... Totally random, I promise. & "Ah Boy" is a v common way of addressing young males where I live. Pretty much the USA version of "Dude"... Anyways... Enjoy some randomness...Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 256 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 2-22-08 - Complete