Monkeys are sexy!

Hello! I'm a psychotic perverted lesbian. The only real-life acceptions to that rule are Bill Kaulitz and Pierre Bouvier (Both males I find extremely attractive).

I believe in aliens and ghosts and mythical creatures and all that other stuff.

My nickname is 'Bob the Caveman'. Dont ask.

One time, when I was seven, I got my legs stuck inbetween a staircase. it took four hours to get me out.

Once, I called up a Chinese place and ordered a hundred thongs.

A few years ago, me and two friends snuck into an abbandonned house, broke a window, and splattered paint all over the walls.

When I was little, the Mattress Giant gave me nightmares. He's freakin' scary!

I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico!

Ever noticed the similarity between Ernest Hemmingway and Sean Connery? Look at pictures of both; The resemblance is freaky! It's just like the resemblance between the Mattress Gaint and Mr. Clean.

Does anyone actually know the meaning of the word Antidisestablishmenttarrianism?

You like sea food? (Opens mouth) See? Food!

People don't want to hear about other people, people want other people to hear about themselves. Think about that if you ever decide to write an autobiography.

Violence may not be the answer, but it's sure as hell a lot more fun than signing a peace treaty!

I can be very blunt. One time, at school, I kept asking to go to the restroom, but the teacher was ignoring me, so I yelled, "Hey! I gotta pee, man!"

Happy peanuts soar,

Over chocolate covered mountain tops,

And waterfalls of caramel.

Prancing nougats in the meadow,

Sing a song of satisfaction,

To the woooorld...

Okay, that just proves I'm a loser.