The Writer of Whitewater 's Beta Reader Profile
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since: 07-11-17, id: 1096798
Author has written 3 stories | Fantasy, and Romance.
β : The Writer of Whitewater is a registered beta reader and is currently accepting beta reading requests.
Beta Description
Beta Bio: general description as a beta reader
Chances are, if you're using this site, you already know what a Beta Reader is. If that is so, disregard this section (but do not pass Go and do not collect £200).

If not: welcome, valued stranger! I will assume the answer to the following question is yes: "I would like to donate a vital organ/many vital organs to your trust fund, Mr. Writer of Whitewater." Fantastic news, valued stranger!

As the brief moments of lucidity that can be tentatively called my consciousness inform me, I have spent a substantial chunk of my life reading stories and offering advice/critique/tears of joy-agony, and as a result, I do enjoy it quite a bit. Think of it as a sport, but in which there are no winners.

Except for *you*, valued stranger!

As a Beta Reader, I tend not to get bogged down in the nitty-gritty of a writing style, nor do I obsess over the placement of punctuation in a sentence. I want to see your writing and I want to tell you if it works. That is, if there is a story to be had. Most commonly, the answer to that question (like the previous organ-related question) is yes. Fantastic!

More often than not, there is that primal spark of creativity that you can see dancing in front of your eyes that you simply do not know how to transcribe—you write and write and write and what comes out is not what you expect. It is my job (and my way of actually remaining "alive") to take these... preliminary notes and transform them into a flourishing masterpiece. You have the ideas, and I (like to think that I) have the technical know-how to make those ideas a spectacular reality.

Like investing on a Kickstarter project, but with a chance of success suffixed with the words "many orders of magnitude greater." If, at time of reading this, Kickstarter has gone bankrupt/been investigated for malpractice, I would like to take a moment to say "suck it, I told you so, future-me!"

I do not particularly care what sort of person you are, so my expectations are incredulously low of you. If, however, you are a maniacal, blood-driven psychopath whose connection to actuality is strained at best, I may... bump you up in the queue. That sort of client always produces the *best* stories, if my past experience is anything to go by.

Now, valued stranger, continue on! Read more about me—as required by your donation of one/many/all of your vital, life-sustaining organ(s).

My Strengths: beta, writing, or reading strengths
Like any well-aged wine, I'm fun to show off at parties but taste like death. Fortunately (for both of us), you're not here to sample my (many) flavour(s). You're here to have your brain drippings pressed and fermented into something you can be proud to call your own writing, and prouder still to have stolen from your possession three weeks after finishing the first draft. I swear, the Lord of the Rings was *my* idea!

I hold a particular skill—if we are so kind as to call it that—with fantasy writing, particularly those of the older, nondescript medieval ages. I have spent damn near an eternity writing the stuff and adore having tonnes (for I am English) of ancient and noble families slit each other's throats over who ate the last boiled ham. Do not let this fool you: I enjoy all forms of writing and would be happy to review them, just make sure there are plenty of ideas, not necessary complete ones.

Even more precisely still, I have always had a sweet spot for characters in particular. All shapes and sizes: Statues-made-Flesh, Overweight Circus Masters, Skinny Gremlin Co-Workers of Mine, et cetera. I adore characterisation and will immediately have to be your friend if yours are well-developed and possess many counterbalances. If they are not, we will have to fix that by making your characters better than everyone else's, valued stranger!

Being the fluffy, cuddly, classical-basis-of-education creature that I am, I like to make others believe I know how to punctuate properly, too. My tenure in the printing industry, in which I only lost seven of my eleven fingers and eighty percent of my will to live, taught me something rather special indeed. What was it? A secret. If you have questions about all our hyphens/en dashes/em dashes (hereinafter known as "the funky dash things that few can use"), I would be more than happy to assist.

Teaching is what I am employed to do, despite what the newspapers may say.

Now, valued stranger, continue reading: there is more to come, or so I am told... at time of writing, it has not actually been written yet, but I like to imagine future-me exists ten seconds from the end of this sentence.

My Weaknesses: beta, writing, or reading weaknesses
"Perfection is the pursuit of perfection."

I have never heard such cyclic rubbish in all my life. Someone was probably paid to write that. Probably someone with a name like "Geoff."

Just as you should read the warnings on a bottle of powerful opiates (and here, especially the side-effects), I do have several important things of which you should be aware:

I possess a need to sustain bodily function such that I cannot betaread for prolonged stretches of time uninterrupted/submerged in boiling mercury. Please note that the process therefore may take some time, especially if I am juggling more than one person (like a series of chainsaws but with—hopefully—fewer teeth).

Material that is particularly chaotic may require additional time to process, like trying to force milk back into a cow, or a nail into my skull with only a drinking straw and a Friday night of alcohol reserves.

As I will no doubt repeat in a few minutes, I have not had so much experience with some genres as I have with others (read: fantasy/high fantasy/the highest of fantasies), so do bear in mind that "Cyborg Strippers from the Planet Violation" could stump me for a bit while I wrap my head around why the cyborgs have only access ports and massive coolant leakages unbecoming of the situation.

That's it folks, move along. Don't gawk at the Writer of Whitewater's many flaws like a school full of only drama students being dramatic about something that doesn't need such a song and dance—like the drinking fountain or the floor tiles.

Preferred: types of stories I prefer over others
As "the easy-to-beta ones" does not constitute a valid answer according to my cadre of personal assistants, I adore anything fantasy-based, especially if it has a wondrous world to explore/become lost in/be assassinated with poison in: preferably in that order and with exponentially increasing severity levels.

To be perfectly honest, for the first and final time in my life, I'll read anything that isn't Braille. Mainly because reading Braille on a computer screen is more time-consuming than people told me it would be, although I am led to believe (by perfectly reputable sources, no less) that it can be done. Excuse me while I run my hands along these LCD monitors in search of hidden truths.

Would Rather Not: I do not beta for these stories
Top tip, FictionPress: don't capitalise "of" in titles. "It's a Waste of Time and Makes the Title Look Second-Grade: There Are Rules, You Know!"

As previously stated, I will read anything if it helps you write better, valued stranger!

...

That's it. We've reached the end of this fiasco and you are now (apparently) ready to know everything about me. I hope you do, because in the time it has taken you to get to this point (do feel free to speed up next time, okay?), we have already successfully/partially donated your organ(s) to the resident cannibals association. They're great people, really: a bit full of themselves, but good nonetheless.

Especially on the barbecue.

Tally ho, valued stranger! Go forth and be betaread!

Beta Preferences
Language: English
Content Rating: Fiction K » M
Categories: categories in black are ones this beta has authored for
Fiction Fable
Fiction Fantasy
Fiction Historical
Fiction Mystery
Fiction Romance
Fiction Young Adult
Genres: genres in black are ones this beta has authored for
General
Romance
Humor
Drama
Adventure
Mystery
Horror
Angst
Supernatural
Suspense
Fantasy
Spiritual
Tragedy
Family
Hurt/Comfort
Friendship