Reviews for Segment Stories
xspringdaizyx chapter 3 . 4/10/2009
wow i thought the 2nd segment was funny. more!
youshida101 chapter 1 . 1/4/2008
I wish that was me with my sister. I'd make love to her nonstop.

Needless to say, write more bro/sis
Rei chapter 3 . 3/2/2007
I liked them, especially the second one. It looks like you wrote it, then went through and deleted all of the 'be' verbs without fixing the sentences to make them grammatically correct. IE: you would write something like 'She liking it' which looks like you just deleted 'was' from it [IE: she was liking it] it could have been fixed by changing 'liking' to 'liked' [For example: She liked it]. sorry for the English lesson, but that really bothered me and i know that it's not an uncommon problem for authors to have, especially when new authors know that 'be' verbs make a weak sentence, but seem to not realize that simply removing it makes the sentence worse than before.
el-emmens chapter 3 . 9/1/2006
make more thisstuff is good
Pull chapter 3 . 6/14/2006
I didn't like this one. It makes me uncomfortable because I picture myself as Cynthia and what do ya know, I get RAPED. In front of several other horndogs hoping for a turn. Creepy. But I did like the FIRST two. You're very talented.
Uytes chapter 1 . 6/14/2006
I liked this segment. You're a very talented writer!
Lightning Storm chapter 3 . 5/26/2006
You're wikket at writing graphic sex, I love it. I wish I could read more though.

The first two were my favorite, but I wasn't too crazy about about the last one. I agree with the others that the thirteen-year-old sounded too immature. But other than that, I loved it too.
Biannila chapter 1 . 5/14/2006
I loved it, dude... made me cum.. lol just kidding I'm a girl so I can't cum. But man it did get me horny. You write sex scenes really well.
Dark Gethsemane chapter 3 . 4/24/2006
I loved the first two, but the last one I wasn't too crazy about. I agree with the others that the thirteen-year-old sounded too immature. But other than that, you write graphic sex so well. I wish I could read more.
ally chapter 3 . 4/17/2006
more please?
ur just you chapter 3 . 2/26/2006
hmm... its really interesting. so please update if you have more.
paper dolls chapter 3 . 2/25/2006
I have a comment to make about how overly innocent Crystal was- most thirteen year olds know all about that, and I know a girl who lost hers at age eleven.

Also, in my school district, fifth graders watch puberty films and seventh graders have sex ed classes.

Completely unrealistic.
Clarice Jacobs chapter 3 . 1/18/2006
Please write more! I am hoping that I can learn from you becuase I am planning on beginning to write my own like this. The Institution...Contiue your work please!
SplintofGrass chapter 3 . 7/6/2005
I like these stories, but this chapter was a bit too unrealistic. A thirteen year old isn't that stupid. Trust me, I know. Heck, not even a five year old is like that. And a thirteen year old girl probably knows all about sex and stuff, so when she heard all the noises, she probably would've run right out of there, or at least wouldn't have talked at all to the man. (That is, if she went into a dark unknown place at all.) Sorry for the rant, it's just I get frustrated when people underestimate children. (And Cynthia was already a teenager, just young.) Again, really sorry.

This is a nice little series you have here, I like that it's in segments, I don't think it's been done before. Any way, happy writing!

)~(Piscean)~(Wisdom)~(
FatedDarkness chapter 3 . 7/1/2005
Incest and stuff makes me laugh for some reason...
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