Reviews for Epyon Gospel: First Book of the Archon
Jaded Optimist chapter 5 . 1/3/2003
This is really impressive, I'm glad to finally have insight into Eiji's thoughts. The plot seems to be develloping quite well and I hope to see you continue this great piece of creative work. If only you would update more often, then the world would be a far better place...
Vague Lenore chapter 4 . 12/17/2002
This story is good. I find it both funny, sacastic, and realistic. Please write more soon.
Jaded Optimist chapter 4 . 11/9/2002
Very impressive. I like the journals, they add an insight into the character's thoughts lacking in most other fics. The story so far is very reminiscent of Neon-Genesis Evangelion. Gabriel seems very much like Shinji. That isn't a problem though. Your characters are all very well developed and maintain their personalities well. I would like to read a chapter from the POV of Eiji or Sophia though as I'd like to know what their thoughts are. All in all I'm quite impressed by what you've written and I wish you luck in getting it published.
Creator of all Chaos chapter 2 . 10/27/2002
I really enjoy the journal idea of this. One thing i thought of though...(don't necissarly take this advice because i often give bad) what if this was not a linear story. I was a little lost as to where we were in the first chapter but after i read the second chapter it became a little clearer. So initally the idea came to me to do a switcheroo. I know it is most likely a bad idea but it would be a good idea if it was bad idea weekend.
Hazel Bite chapter 2 . 10/22/2002
I sense a Neon Genesis Evangelion feeling to this, but that's not a bad thing at all because I love the series. I'm really liking this; I'm hooked. I found a couple of typos (uncapitalized words, misspelled words, etc.), but only because I tend to be a fanatic about that stuff. As for grammatical errors, I think there might be a very few, but I can't be sure because everytime I'm taught grammar, I'm told something different, so I've made up my own rules for grammar (In your face public education!). Other than that, no problems that I can see.

One thing that I really think is cool, is the history in it. It's not that far into the future (relatively), but there's still so much history.

And then I realized, history books are only going to get longer.
guess who chapter 2 . 10/19/2002
nice 4 horseman reference, watch your grammar it will be your undoing, i also like the depiction of ITER as a bunch of cheepskates (i like these guys already) :).
Greg Nieto chapter 1 . 10/16/2002
I like the format of this story very much. This is definately something new. I'm not much for reviews, which is why I don't write many, so goodbye.
Ben Molini chapter 1 . 10/16/2002
Well, overall, I do like the writing. First of all, it seems a bit predictable, however, that's probably just because of the striking resemblance to EVA, though I know that's kinda the idea. Either way, I'm sure you'll go in your own direction. I'd also like to reccomend that you keep one specific feeling in mind with Gabriel. I mean, if you want him to change throughout the story, that's fine, but not in the midst of the first chapter. The journal entries are probably a good idea, I just wonder how it's going to work out if between two journal entries in one day he says he's fine now and not 'mentally unstable' and then later on he's considering suicide again.
Guest chapter 1 . 10/15/2002
Good start, like the physical descriptions, but you need to mention the name of the speaker more often, and limit the profanity if you want it published, don't end chapters in an intro a good ending here would have been "Maybe, just this once, he should take a look around—it couldn’t hurt." also for ease of reading please use margins. thats all good luck cam
John Santana chapter 1 . 10/14/2002
Firstly, I would like to say very good work.

Now the bad news. Okay, my first nit pick - I get the sense that it is the future, but not really of where. There is not enough information neither in the background nor the cryptic texts - although the Electrodyne does kind of cue me in - to discern the time period.

Next, I keep asking myself, where am I? Although I have a great picture of the characters, (good job on that by the way) I don't get a real sense of what their immediate or even remote surroundings are... I have a feeling you're somewhere in Europe but to assume that would be extra homework on my part. Frankly, I don't like homework (lol).

Your main character seems quite depressed. What troubles me, is why? I don't really get a sense of what is bothering him so much as to have engineered such a bloody "cry for help" as you call it... Is this a secret you are purposefully keeping from us until later? if so you may not want to emphasize it so readily.

Alas - a reward. In the end you tell us where we're at, but I still have no sense of it. As a reader whose never been to Europe, I would definitely love to see your depiction of it at this stage in time...

In the end, I must say that I found your story somewhat confusing. Although it is written well, I cannot discern any point whatsoever in your brief chapter... Please, don't take my critisism personally, I am just being brash because as an avid reader and writer I must.

I am quite interested in your work, you seem to display an innate skill that many writers lack. But you must work and harvest this skill in order for it to be of any use to you whatsoever.

I shall watch your progress with interest. Keep up the good work, fellow artiste.

Sincerely,

John Santana.
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