Hey good job. I'm not sure where the mistake is, when I read stories I just make little marks in my head if there is a misspelling or a word left out. If it's big, I usually put it in the review, but you probably won't see anything like that. You do a good job checking over your chapters.

You also do a good job "painting a picture" in my head of what's going on in the story. Not many people have that talent, and you definately do. All I have to say is keep up the good work, and please, POST SOON!

That kicked $$. Put up the next one soon.

~Twisted Rose

Excellently written, and very nicely executed. I found no problems at all, well done!

hey, well your story is really good, and you have a lot of talent. as for grammtical mistakes and the like, i found very little...your sory was great :)

hmm i guess a prologue would help, bt i can't really say things that could help, ecxcept for more character information. and i like the way you slowly introduce the characters bit by bit. unfortunately i'm not the patient type and want to know their history and etc. lol. well thats just me, and i'm sure other people dont have these issues...ja ne!

Great job, as usual. Plz put up the next chapter soon.

~Twisted Rose

ooo, how exciting, you better post the next chapter soon, i can't wait. that zath guy seems like such a meanie-butt. i lreally like your story, please add more

Eek! Save her Eric!

hehe...Great chapter. Written really well, just like the others. Please keep up the great work, because I love this story!

Great job. Put up Part II soon. I need to know what happens.

~Twisted Rose

Okay, that was pretty good, and really intruiging. (I know most people don't review for the first chapter when there are more, I just have to get off and I want you to know that I'm reading this) You had a place where you were a little unclear on the meaning, talking about the door of the Dungeon. Instead of saying "and tended not to be" try "and tended not to be so friendly." just a suggestion, because you should always make your meaning clear when your writing a story. Read it out loud (I know this is corny, but its true) and have an english teacher or a friend read it, especially if that friend reads a lot of books. You catch a lot of mistakes. I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, but I catch a lot of mistakes before I post my stories, which really has helped lately. Good job, and keep up the good work, but I have to go now so I'll read the rest later. C ya!

Wonderful story-I really enjoy it! I love your expressions and usage of words...it's truly fantastic. I can't wait to read more of it! Great plot, and I just want to read more! Keep writing!

This was a pretty good chapter. I hope to see the next one soon.

~Twisted Rose

I still want to know what the plan is! I hope that it works and Mayla kicks some serious Zathe butt! Great story, can't wait for the next chapter!

Please put up the next chapter. I wanna know what's Malya's plan.

~Twisted Rose

Eeee! I want to know their plan; it sounds interesting. This chapter was great, written very well, and all. Your characters are very neat. Great job! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Again somethings were a little confusing but still very good. But I would say that you tried to establish a hint of there going to be a relationship between Egen and Malya way too quickly. But the cliffhanger was good.