Reviews for Shadow Spinner
Lailassi chapter 26 . 12/16/2003
I didn't get a chance to go through the whole thing yet, but I liked it. I thought it started out a bit rushed, though. Interesting, and I'll try to finish it when I get a chance.
Redkun chapter 26 . 12/16/2003
Redkun: Merry Christmas AG! And as a token of friendship between two authors, I give you this present!
*dumpster truck deposits large, human shaped present wrapped in shiny red/green paper with a huge golden bow under AG's christmas tree*
*Nikko approaches Redkun*
Nikko: What is it?
Redkun: AG has to wait until Christmas to find out!
Nikko: Where did you get that Guardian that's mounted on your arm?
Redkun: ... sent away twenty tokens from the back of "Guardian Os" cereal boxes. It's a replica.
Nikko: *sigh* You kidnapped Rettin, took his Guardian, and wrapped him from head to toe in Christmas paper to give to AG, didn't you.
Redkun: ... Maybe.
Nikko: I thought you said you were against kidnap.
Redkun: Yeah. Of Celeste.
Nikko: Against *all* forms of kidnap.
Redkun: Yeah. Of Celeste.
Nikko: Against all forms of kidnap of *everyone*.
Redkun: I would define this more as "self defense". My bear trap didn't work, he didn't stay on the "X" long enough for the huge log to hit him, and don't get me started on the ineffectiveness of the Acme Protagonist Capture Net. After those peaceful options were exhasted, he suddenly attacked me for no good reason.
Nikko: -_-
Redkun: _'
Nikko: What do you have to say for yourself?
Redkun: Thank god the sleeping bomb was on target?
Nikko: *sigh*
*Celeste wanders past, her eyes trained on the ground*
Nikko: I thought you said you were against kidnap.
Redkun: She... she came of her own accord! I swear!
Celeste: Hey... the line of hair care products ends here! O! Is that styling moose?
Redkun: I gotta go! She's nearly at the hall I lined with mistletoe! Oh! one more thing: Zeke was with them and... I think he might need another air-hole.
**Merry Christmas AG!**
Kirby chapter 1 . 12/14/2003
Nice story here is a peom 4 u.
Many a Star may b Seen in the night. Seeing a Star in the day is a rare sight. Alice to me is the Star of the Day. Attracting my attention without delay. -
Redkun chapter 25 . 12/9/2003
Heya AG! Sorry for the late review, but better this than never!
Team up with you? Hmm... I am intrigued by your proposal! Even though I am completely against any kind of violent action such as kidnap, especially to my beloved Celeste, I wouldn't really complain if I *happened* to come along at the right moment! -
Ahem... onto the actual "review" portion of this... review... _' This chapter flowed quite well, and there were a few good, stand-out moments in it! (Such as the dress and that little "who is the leader?" debate) But the best part of it was that Yram is back! I love that girl! All in all, another fine addition to the Shadow Spinner saga.
Oh, one more thing: Happy Birthday! I know it's not much, but I came up with a really good name for your "Thing Without A Name"! Think of it as a late birthday present. (And like all birthday presents, you can exchange it for store credit if you don't like it!) Behold the name and embrace the punniness!
"Insanimé" -
Luki Dimension chapter 25 . 12/5/2003
Well, the chapter was great (Yram is back!) but I can't say much for the author notes. You don't like Irvine? He's one of the best characters!
Although, I must admit I totally agree about Bush and Blair. They're going to destroy these countries from the inside and then the Japanese will take over!...wait, that wouldn't actually be that bad a thing, imagine the games and manga!
Okay, okay, back to the chapter. It's really flowing well, and its easier to follow than some of your other chapters, and its funny at points without being insanely hysterical (which, since I'm doing this at school is a VERY good thing_) Ciao and keep writing!
Ps: Happy b-day! Hope you got my email greeting card!
Lisa chapter 25 . 12/4/2003
happy birthday! i wish you the joy of it!
this chapter is really good, especially because of Yram comming back. i was laughing so hard i got quite a few puzzeled looks for people. i'm glad there is more of Rife in this chap, too. (he's my fav)
thx, write again soon!
hiro0911 chapter 25 . 12/4/2003
hey, happy birthday :-) ~hiro
tawnyfawn chapter 25 . 12/3/2003
yah, congrats on your birthday soon!
*gasp* do my eyes decive me? is there a, dare i say it, relationship development between Rife and Aryah! And then just about every other guy in the room liked her at the ball! YAY! Yram and Erif are back! They are so cool. Anyway, keep up the writing and update soon! ) from tawnyfawn
hiro0911 chapter 5 . 11/24/2003
hey, yeah, why don't you make a website for your story? That's a good idea. Someone suggested the same thing to me, and when I did the website, it really feels nice to see people becoming curious about the story and starts to read. It's like a promotion strategy, I must say. If you need any help, drop me mail.

Anyway, with the story, yeah, it's kinda short. And again, this one seems rushed. The scenes came too hastily that the descriptions were left hanging. Well, yeah, I'm sorry if I'm bragging you with your descriptions. It's just that after seeing your earlier chapters which were so well written, I just believe that you can do something to make this better. I mean, you have the plot and all, you just need to be more creative, imaginative, and adventurous in putting them into words. Drop those 1-2 sentenced paragraphs that make the scene transitions and transform them to the more wide-scope type. I suggest not only concentrating on what the scene looks like. Feel the scene. Like if it's cold, that's there around other than the snow? Could the characters feel something more than the cold? Anxiety, perhaps, or tension, or loneliness. Or was there any foul smell? Some withered pine trees? Wild animals? Ya know, see more - feel more kind of thing going on . . . That's one of the techniques in making fics longer that DOESN'T bore readers but rather helping them create a vaster world in their brains. They'll say "Wow, this world's big. . . it's freakin' interesting, I'm eager to read more."

Till next chap . . .

hiro0911 chapter 4 . 11/23/2003
now that's where everything dramatically improves! Hey, the dialogues here are more impressive. And the Lady General reminds me of my own Lady Knight in my fic. She must be really strong. Is she an enemy? Oh well, I must find that one out, shouldn't I? It's good to see that Aryah's getting really helpful to Ilo. Wonder what's up with his bro anyway. I'll cut off up to here. I've got my next class coming up, it's not good to be late, is it? till next time.
hiro0911 chapter 3 . 11/17/2003
some new terms to learn like Elkerzorts and King Protectors . . . I do that too, ya know, making up cool-sounding terms for my own story. And hey! Dragons - fyi, my fic's about dragons too (but they're not enemies though in my fic). Anyway, enough of that.

I suggest that you revise the first paragraph. It has too many spelling errors that will 'turn-off' your readers if they see it (revise the 'to' and 'of corse' at once!).

And one more thing that really bothered me (I mean, reviewer's gotta be honest. That's what I wanted my reviewers to do to me anyway. . .) It looks like you've been hurrying in this chapter. Compared to episode one which has really good and fitting descriptions and totally animated, this one's tad lame. HEYHEYHEY! DON'T GET MAD! LET ME EXPLAIN! (ahem, ahem). Notice how the scenes of this episode unfolded. First paragraph, some misused and mispelled words. 'She was pretty cross' or did you mean something else than 'cross'? Then suddenly that dragon appears out of nowhere. You could have made the dragon part a lot more action packed than the escape scene in the first episode because, hell, it's a dragon we're talking about here, right? If you want Aryah to get hell freaked out or pretend brave or anything, you could have made it up! I mean, hey, this scene is a chance for you, as a reader, to introduce Aryah more, I mean, how she reacts to certain things. Then in a very quick transition, that new guy comes in all of a sudden. I BELIEVE you can make these scenes more powerful and surely you can grab the readers to your fics as sure as the day!

Good luck! (gotta log off. it's getting late. till next time)

~hiro ()
hiro0911 chapter 2 . 11/17/2003
geez... what a girl. Aryah sounds tough. Tension's building from episode one. However, before my story rev, I like to suggest that you justify the alignment of your paragraphs to make them more organized. That way, it would be more attractive to read. Try HTML formatting instead of Word or .doc extensions. Anyway, about the plot, well I could smell some great story unfolding here. I haven't read the whole story though but I dunno. . . when I get to read a story's start, I could sense whether the story's going somewhere sensible or not. ANd this story seems really interesting. It's too early to judge so I'll stop up to here first about the story line. I've seen some common spelling errors (like 'nowhere' not 'no-where' like what most people usually use). So check those little mistakes out because even they're so little, they usually interrupt the flow of the story. Off to the next chap (if time still permits me . . .)
hiro0911 chapter 1 . 11/17/2003
flames... sounds interesting... hm
Maria X chapter 24 . 11/6/2003
Why on Fucking Selmak is Typh comin out to be an asshole? I thought he was supposed to be a nice guy that liked flirting with Yram a lot... Or maybe, a guy who thought he was a god but was just flesh and blood (like Tidus *sigh*)

Hey, I'm still reading Shadow Spinner you know. Ahem, if you know who this is. Oh wait, my address should be over there... Mental here, Immortal there... Well, uh, I have to go. I have an intro to post. And btw, don't mind me mentioning my other half's meant-to-be in it, do ya? *grin* Ok, I'll keep my stinky keyboard off Typhonas. Ok, ok...

Clio: Damn. One cutie less for the 'Outlaw-opening' party.

Keith: CLIO!

Clio: Oh! Uh, come on K, you know I dont like him... Liana does!

Liana: ?

Lucas: Liana!

Liana: She's lying!

Clio: Yeah, thanks for the help Lia. But really! I couldn't care less if he came!

Shut up guys. Argue outside the review, you're wasting space!

Keith: Stay out of this!

...Apologize. Or I'll... I'll make BD marry Clio.

Keith: I'm so sorry, you know you're the sweetest person in the universe! I was SO WRONG to snap at you!

Everyone: *laugh*

(I'm hyper. so, eat me.)


*screen fades*
tawnyfawn chapter 24 . 10/28/2003
Ah! No more chappies for a while! *sad* ( Oh well, i spose i'll live...barely! No but seriously, this is turning out so good! How long is it going to be in total! Pretty longa presume! Anyway, keep up the excellent wrting and ihope to read more fromyou in the future.

from tawnyfawn
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