Reviews for Violet Sky
McQuinn chapter 1 . 10/21/2005
Criticism:

-The punctuation needs a ton of work. A LOT. My advice to you is to make sure that you remember the following: not every line within a poem needs a comma at the end of it! I'm being completely serious when I say that your excessive use of commas baffled me and made me want to exit your poem. You have to fix that.

-"The oceans waves" should be "The ocean's waves."

-"Violet Sky" has nothing to do with the main point of the poem, so I have no idea why you would name this like that.

-The first half of the poem had completely nothing to do with the rest of the poem. It's like you wrote two different poems and somehow glued them together. There is no transition and no similarities between the first two stanzas, and the last four. What you should be doing within those two stanzas is describing the mood and setting around the girl's/boy's house on Halloween night, since she/he is currently inside the house, looking out. Correct?

-Your syntax very rarely changes. You have several lines where you use "I see" and the poem becomes hum-drum and redundant because of that. Use various verbs and adjectives to make the poem more interesting and alive.

-The overall theme of the poem isn't "wow"-inducing, you know?

Sorry if this seemed harsh. Just trying to be one-hundred percent honest with you and leave some constructive criticism. I hope you don't take this as a flame. Anyway, if you have any questions about what I wrote, or if you need any help, please feel free to E-mail me - my E-mail is found on my profile. I encourage you to write more, and to improve...

McQuinn
Shadowz the Silver Wolf chapter 1 . 12/10/2003
Very good. i like_
Crybaby chapter 1 . 11/7/2000
Errie...but cool...no, wait, not like that, I'm not morbid, I'm saying ur way of words wuz cool, not death...ok I'll shut up now...
Willum chapter 1 . 11/6/2000
Sorry, didn't like this as much as the others, but it is nice. Keep writting from the heart and you can't go wrong. (Yeah, I know, it sounds corney).