wow! your imagery is awsome! i hope you make this into a story. it would be incredible with the virgin as the protagonist or told from her point of view. great work!

heyyy, this is the person whom you always say never leaves a review...so this phantom has decided to sit down and spill it out.

hurry up and get started with the story already...

if you leave it hanging as a "poem"...so wasted...

ummmmmm

this okay, but it needs somework.

And you mix past tense and present tense waaaay to much

Although if you made it a story, I think it'd have potential...