hallo.

i have read a couple of chapters of your story so far, and this is what i would like to comment on.

-brianna hiding her hair under a baseball cap every day is really unrealistic-your story seems kind of lose, like its missing something-i think you need to think about the situations where brianna is around the guys masquearding as one of them. you make it sound and look so simple and unrealistic, i would work on that part more.

Read it all finally! I have to say that I'm a fan of these plots, being an anime freak myself and I absolutely LUV your name cuz it's basically the only thing I can draw well...

Anyway, your story! I guess I have to agree with you on the ending. I think it could've been better. But maybe that just becuz of it's cheesiness?

I'm kinda sad that it's over, but ah well! Looking forward to your other stories!

oh this was a great story. i kinda feel sorry for clay because although what he did was wrong he had some serious psychological problems caused by neglect. ahh well, cya later.

alright. this story has but one word to describe it...unoriginal and predictable. Have your read False Facades by chance? It's a rather similar plot line. I'm not accusing you or anything, but I was bored through the entire thing. I didn't finish it.

happy ending! yay!

can't they tell her voice is high pitched? especially when she shouts.

lol joel is so twitchy. hes like a fucken spaz. its funny. great story btw.

if jesse starts to like brianna, is he gonna start thinking he's gay? hm. i wonder what happend to mouse (or joel). my bet's on clay.

dude don't they notice that their "male" friend is so feminie. or at least she's a wimp for a guy.

jesse's kinda... well he's not like a normal guy. k that's not quite it. well he talks more like how a girl would talk. i guess that's ok though since he goes to an art school or whatever. this story's cool btw. it has a fun plot.

"If the sky collapses, I’ll hold it up for you. I promise."

lol. this last lines' a winner.

I'm speechless. This story is fabulous! It's so sweet! *wipes tear away* I just love happy endings. :D

Ha, I loved the last line in this story.

Unrealistic story.

Some parts of the chapter seemed cliche - not solely the plot, moreso the writing - like: '"Oh, gosh. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Let me help you…" Came a deep, soothing voice.'

Might have potential.