Reviews for Deceit
spazzle dazzle chapter 6 . 3/23/2006

i have read a couple of chapters of your story so far, and this is what i would like to comment on.

-brianna hiding her hair under a baseball cap every day is really unrealistic-your story seems kind of lose, like its missing something-i think you need to think about the situations where brianna is around the guys masquearding as one of them. you make it sound and look so simple and unrealistic, i would work on that part more.
strawberryaid chapter 29 . 3/13/2006
Read it all finally! I have to say that I'm a fan of these plots, being an anime freak myself and I absolutely LUV your name cuz it's basically the only thing I can draw well...

Anyway, your story! I guess I have to agree with you on the ending. I think it could've been better. But maybe that just becuz of it's cheesiness?

I'm kinda sad that it's over, but ah well! Looking forward to your other stories!
Alenor chapter 29 . 2/6/2006
oh this was a great story. i kinda feel sorry for clay because although what he did was wrong he had some serious psychological problems caused by neglect. ahh well, cya later.
just a little paranoid chapter 29 . 1/4/2006
alright. this story has but one word to describe it...unoriginal and predictable. Have your read False Facades by chance? It's a rather similar plot line. I'm not accusing you or anything, but I was bored through the entire thing. I didn't finish it.
kay chapter 29 . 11/21/2005
happy ending! yay!
kay chapter 10 . 11/21/2005
can't they tell her voice is high pitched? especially when she shouts.
kay chapter 9 . 11/21/2005
lol joel is so twitchy. hes like a fucken spaz. its funny. great story btw.
kay chapter 5 . 11/21/2005
if jesse starts to like brianna, is he gonna start thinking he's gay? hm. i wonder what happend to mouse (or joel). my bet's on clay.
kay chapter 3 . 11/21/2005
dude don't they notice that their "male" friend is so feminie. or at least she's a wimp for a guy.
shelly chapter 2 . 11/21/2005
jesse's kinda... well he's not like a normal guy. k that's not quite it. well he talks more like how a girl would talk. i guess that's ok though since he goes to an art school or whatever. this story's cool btw. it has a fun plot.
kay chapter 1 . 11/21/2005
"If the sky collapses, I’ll hold it up for you. I promise."

lol. this last lines' a winner.
Dirty Secret chapter 29 . 11/6/2005
I'm speechless. This story is fabulous! It's so sweet! *wipes tear away* I just love happy endings. :D
Kristen-Roxanne chapter 1 . 9/16/2005
Ha, I loved the last line in this story.
pneumothorax chapter 3 . 8/18/2005
Unrealistic story.
pneumothorax chapter 1 . 8/18/2005
Some parts of the chapter seemed cliche - not solely the plot, moreso the writing - like: '"Oh, gosh. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Let me help you…" Came a deep, soothing voice.'

Might have potential.
465 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 12 .. Last Next »