|Reviews for Deceit|
| spazzle dazzle chapter 6 . 3/23/2006
i have read a couple of chapters of your story so far, and this is what i would like to comment on.
-brianna hiding her hair under a baseball cap every day is really unrealistic-your story seems kind of lose, like its missing something-i think you need to think about the situations where brianna is around the guys masquearding as one of them. you make it sound and look so simple and unrealistic, i would work on that part more.
| strawberryaid chapter 29 . 3/13/2006
Read it all finally! I have to say that I'm a fan of these plots, being an anime freak myself and I absolutely LUV your name cuz it's basically the only thing I can draw well...
Anyway, your story! I guess I have to agree with you on the ending. I think it could've been better. But maybe that just becuz of it's cheesiness?
I'm kinda sad that it's over, but ah well! Looking forward to your other stories!
| Alenor chapter 29 . 2/6/2006
oh this was a great story. i kinda feel sorry for clay because although what he did was wrong he had some serious psychological problems caused by neglect. ahh well, cya later.
| just a little paranoid chapter 29 . 1/4/2006
alright. this story has but one word to describe it...unoriginal and predictable. Have your read False Facades by chance? It's a rather similar plot line. I'm not accusing you or anything, but I was bored through the entire thing. I didn't finish it.
| kay chapter 29 . 11/21/2005
happy ending! yay!
| kay chapter 10 . 11/21/2005
can't they tell her voice is high pitched? especially when she shouts.
| kay chapter 9 . 11/21/2005
lol joel is so twitchy. hes like a fucken spaz. its funny. great story btw.
| kay chapter 5 . 11/21/2005
if jesse starts to like brianna, is he gonna start thinking he's gay? hm. i wonder what happend to mouse (or joel). my bet's on clay.
| kay chapter 3 . 11/21/2005
dude don't they notice that their "male" friend is so feminie. or at least she's a wimp for a guy.
| shelly chapter 2 . 11/21/2005
jesse's kinda... well he's not like a normal guy. k that's not quite it. well he talks more like how a girl would talk. i guess that's ok though since he goes to an art school or whatever. this story's cool btw. it has a fun plot.
| kay chapter 1 . 11/21/2005
"If the sky collapses, I’ll hold it up for you. I promise."
lol. this last lines' a winner.
| Dirty Secret chapter 29 . 11/6/2005
I'm speechless. This story is fabulous! It's so sweet! *wipes tear away* I just love happy endings. :D
| Kristen-Roxanne chapter 1 . 9/16/2005
Ha, I loved the last line in this story.
| pneumothorax chapter 3 . 8/18/2005
| pneumothorax chapter 1 . 8/18/2005
Some parts of the chapter seemed cliche - not solely the plot, moreso the writing - like: '"Oh, gosh. I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Let me help you…" Came a deep, soothing voice.'
Might have potential.