Reviews for Simple Sweetness
SenderWithheld chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
I really like the relationship that he has with his brothers (it's cute), but 'Hunter', because aren't they in Japan, would be 'HUNTA' or something of a similar ilk, would it not?
Emoboylover83 chapter 1 . 2/2/2012
Ooh I loved it! Wish it wasnt over! Thank you!
nomy chapter 1 . 12/29/2007
ah...so sweet...its unoriginal but still i like it..its different than the usual romantic story that a hurdle in their life..this is like a fairy tale story..in love is so much fun.._
crane chapter 1 . 3/9/2007
I'm not Japanese, I just took Japanese Studies, so don't take me as the authority on this: I was delighted to find that the main characters' surnames were actually REAL surnames. Kobayashi and Mochizuki are quite alright in my books, and get a thumbs-up. (As you may have guessed, I'm kind of bored of all the Yukis, Sakuras and Tsukinos out there. :3;; )

I think this is a really sweet story, with consistently good writing, and a nicely-written sex scene at the end. However, overall I found there were some logistical and psychological details that I'm curious about - I'm pointing them out not so that you can get worried about the quality of this story, which is fine. I'm just contributing so that maybe you could ask yourself these kinds of questions in the future, you know? You're obviously a good author, with a solid grammar, and great spelling. Your characters are sweet and you bring the family element in a little bit, which I always tend to like, for some reason. However, like I said, I've got a couple of problems. (Mind you, although this review is as long as the Great Wall, it's NOT A BAD ONE. I liked this story. I'm just a literature person.)

Firstly, I'm a little irked by the /way/ in which they are a couple at the festival. Besides Shiraha's not minding being called a girl because they were called a couple (because I thought that was really sweet), I'm irked anyway because he doesn't mind being treated like a girl. I like that you've included a short explanation, "It doesn't bother me. I just like to let things go sometimes", which definitely gives a kick in the crotch to the 'gender line' and makes me happy. This sentence goes on to explain that it doesn't matter to Shihara in the short term. That's a really interesting feeling of his, to me, mainly because I really haven't heard that explanation from anyone before.

Probably 'cause, although I have male friends who have stereotypically 'feminine' tendencies and crossdress, they're either totally outrageous (in a fun way) as people, or are, variously, dealing with their sexuality - whereas Shiraha seems fairly certain of himself. To me, I guess, it seems like he's living in a completely distant era, like his mind has been raised somewhere else way in the future - I don't get from his behaviour that he's been raised in this time, for some reason, just because, from personal experience I guess (and that's limited), I've never ever met anyone like him.

As you can tell, I'm interested in more exploration of his character - it's clear to me that he is a very mild person in general, and is very sweet as a person, which is wonderful. He seems like the kind of person I'd want to be friends with. :3 However, I would've liked this story even more than I do if that part of him were really delved into. What are his motivations, aside from the 'I don't mind because most people are a transient part of my life' thing? I'm not entirely satisfied with that answer, although, like I said, I find it interesting, and it IS really sweet.

I could also make a point about 'mine'-ness in couples, but that'll get me some weird looks. XD I'm not a gender and women's studies person generally, but I DO share a lot of John Stuart Mill's feelings about 'ownership' in marriage. I know they're not married, but I still have a problem with 'mine'-ness in coupledom. What can I say, I LOVE John Stuart Mill. XD (I've got one of his quotes front-and-center on my profile... yeah, I'm a nerd...)

Blah. I'm kind of annoying, I'm sorry. I'm just letting you know my true and critical opinion of some of the issues the prose brings up for me.

And... takoyaki. Oh, man. That breaks my heart with love and goodness. Yum... I could really go for some takoyaki right now. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE takoyaki?...

I'll mention my problem with the words "I have loved you for a long time", because out of context, I'm sure you can see what's weird about that sentence. As I understand it from reading the story, they've only known each other a week - correct me if I'm wrong. To me, a week is a flash, filled with things to do which really just make it go by faster. I just... maybe I'm horribly jaded, which I understand I could be, and I'm certainly not the mild-personality'ed, lovely Shiraha or the patient Hunter. I just wish, for the sake of this story, which is so lovely and sweet already, that there were more development there, that there were longer, lingering sweetness in dating each other, in preparing themselves mentally to have sex - that kind of thing. Of course, that would demand a much longer story. XD;;

And a minor technical quibble: when you say that Shiraha's brothers both have black hair of similar length, that doesn't tell me anything. The antecedent is misleading here - 'similar' could refer EITHER to their hair being similar to Hunter's in length, or to Natsuo and Keishi's hair as being similar to each other's. That was the only grammar point I really have to make, but you're not alone. I have to consciously think about antecedents when I'm writing my literature papers. XD

And... I KNOW YOU'LL PROBABLY HATE ME for bringing this up, but - no condoms, and, in lieu of no condoms, no reaction to having a bum full of gross glue-like fluid. 'Cause - yuck. And sorry, but semen doesn't taste good at ALL, so wearing protection would help with the whole swallowing issue, which Hunter seems pretty eager to... well... ignore completely - I'll assume he's done this a lot before. SORRY FOR BRINGING THIS UP! It's a really gross little quibble to have, sorry, but a lot of people forget that even if you think you're clean, haven't ever had sex, and stuff like that, you should really be wearing something anyway, just to be safe. (I sound like a brochure at a sex clinic - I KNOW THIS IS ROMANCE FICTION. XD)

Otherwise, it's a very sweetly-written scene, although I'm curious to know whether Shiraha has ever done this before or not (he seems not, because he doesn't know that you don't have to do it back-to-chest necessarily).

Anyway. Oh my GOD, this review is as long as my ARM, I'm SO SORRY! I just wanted to point out logistical and technical stuff I think would help make the story better, so. Thanks for reading my review, I really appreciate it!
r.mai chapter 1 . 2/18/2005
lol and sometimes busybodying matchmaking actually works. P
Nina chapter 1 . 8/10/2004
I loved it. It was amusing yet simply nice. It was very cute and very well written.
MagzRL chapter 1 . 6/21/2004
No. No, no, no, NOT Simple Sweetness; Total Beauty!
Great work. Yes, I did find some errors that could stand fixing, and at some points the name part got confusing, and maybe the emotions were just a LITTLE bit rushed, but otherwise: STUNNING WORK! Well done!
Magz.
White Sakura chapter 1 . 12/15/2003
Hoe
Specularia chapter 1 . 10/2/2003
Oh excelnt one-shot was really sweet.
Nanshi chapter 1 . 8/23/2003
Great Story! Bravo Bravo!

Write more just like this one!
Silver Scaled Dragon chapter 1 . 8/15/2003
I really love your stories. I don't know how you manage to write so well around different cultures. This story is brilliant I really loved the way it unfolded. I hope you write some more soon.
Kyaroru Fanel chapter 1 . 7/10/2003
Your ability to paint imagery with words never fails; great job!

I've noticed this in your first two stories...your uke's a quite effeminate, aren't they?
newtypeshadow chapter 1 . 6/12/2003
aw. _ that was sweet.

i love the descriptions of the characters. i also really liked how you wrote the japanese culture. you didn't explain everything, just let it be understood that this is how things are. i was conscious all the time of how different it is (eating, working, dating, etc.), while simulaniously being so much the same as the american way of doing the same things. i like your writing style as well.

(do i -not- like anything?...*shrug* not that i can think of. love it _)
White Raven chapter 1 . 5/16/2003
gods i hope this is rate R or higher...love it tho! realy do, but just wow. that was just, realistic.
Eternal Twilight chapter 1 . 2/1/2003
Awwww...will there be more? I love it! :)
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