WHOAH! That Is AWESOME! Talk about unique regarding vampire stories! This one I really, really appreciate! You have to understand that I CRINGE at typical vampire stories (a pain in the neck. Ha ha, pardon my pun)This one is pure gold! I like a lot!

This is really good, but I do agree with the other reviewers, it sounds like an R.L. Stine Goosebumps story, but still good and I don't even like horror stories.

this is a little too fake-horror-story for my tastes. it started out creepy with the abandoned warehouse idea, but then once the children turn evil i just got turned off. and then the ending, where you start warning the reader.. i agree with another reviewer, when they said that it draws too much from r.l. stine. it just gets a little cheesy. i do, however, think that this could be a really great story, if you just made a few changes. and i do like your writing style for the most part. good job.

I am in love with this story, I can't explain why but I love the line: "I guarded those children...and I still guard them."

Amazing story, great job.

The idea was awesome! I wish I'd thought of it...

You could also add some description add to the atmosphere a bit. It also might slow down the action so it doesn't seem so rushed.

And lay off the side comments, would you? It makes it look unprofessional. I have that tendincy too so don't feel insulted.

Decent story, original twist on the vampire myth. But I think this might draw just a little too much from Ann Rice's ideas, without her style. No offense but your style seems distinctly 'R.L. Stine.' Minimal description, odd corny, bad taste or out of place coments 'and it's playtime.' and a rushed story. Could be much better, but no bad.

Quite, quite interesting. A very complete story. Rather creepy.
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Clean of grammar/mechanical errors: Yay! Anyway, good job. Keep writing!
-PTG

This story is great! I love it so much, keep up the great work!

This story was awesome. Wonderful use of first person, great suspense - and evil children are always cool. Everyone should be warned of the evil children! Of course they don't have to be vampires to be evil . . . evil children. . .

That was really good.. I really enjoyed it. It being in first person was really awesome. Everything is in third nowadays, and it makes me wanna smack someone. Good job. Keep Writing!

Wow... awesome... awesome! Man, this rockith almighty! And thats about all i can say.

Wow... that's pretty cool. I like the ending a lot. It puts a nice finish to things. Your twist are cool, too. Like when the man says he still guards the children. It's pretty freaky when you hear that the kids attacked the guy. Unless that didn't happen...
My sole objection (I always have one) is that the part when the narrator hauls the man out and to the river is too fast and easy. Otherwise, very nice.

LOL

this is the crappiest thing i've ever heard! Just kidiing very good but alittle work on gloomyness! lol dun hate me for my little joke!