Reviews for The Demangel
DWyatt chapter 1 . 9/4/2003
this sounds offly familiar
ColorCrayons chapter 3 . 7/22/2003
this was a short and to the point chapter, very interesting. but be careful about going from year to year to year to year...and so on. i wanna make sure i get to know who i'm meeting, ya know? anyway, an idea

color outside the lines
ColorCrayons chapter 2 . 7/22/2003
the most dangerous thing to mess with is an angry mother. i do so hope she does something to save the two kiddlins. poor "thangs" tsk tsk, he's dead? aww. i hope he isnt really really dead...but if he is, o well i s'pose. it would have been nice to get to know 'im before he got "axed off" maybe know their relationship, their family, how they feel...instead of just having it be a prophesy that they fell in love gimme a bit more personalization...just an idea

color outside the lines
HomeFry chapter 1 . 7/21/2003
this was good. a way that u could have shortened the chapters a bit is begin a new chapter each time u have the * instead of just continuing on from there. it will help greatly, especially for those, like me, with hecka short attention spans

u have lots of dialogue. dialogue is good, but sometimes too much of it can drag the reader away or take away from what could be an excellent story.

but this is a cool start. keep it up

thanx for reviewing ColorCrayons and my story "Storm of Dreams"
ColorCrayons chapter 1 . 7/21/2003
yeah, it was pretty long...but you already know that. it's interesting and a fun plot but may i throw a few suggestions at you? a bit more details on the surroundings, i cant tell what the charz are lookint at. in some spots you did a marvillous job at it, but in a few others it lacked. also, instead of periods have commas and the next word be lower cased...thats the "correct" punctuation...but it isnt really a big deal.

other than that i like the charz and the plot and even your style. btw, if i dont read it all at once, no worries i will return to finish

color outside the lines
Eika chapter 1 . 4/7/2003
It's ok... but I probably won't continue. It's good, just not my style. I really liked ur bio, though... may I steal a few quotes?
beefywpac chapter 3 . 3/12/2003
Hey I really love your stories. I espicially like this one. Can't wait for the next chappie!

BEEFYWPAC
Luki Dimension chapter 3 . 1/27/2003
Aw, shorter! I wonder who Kai's 'saviour' is?
Luki Dimension chapter 2 . 1/27/2003
Oh no! You've started conversation too! By the way, One of your stories is next for Zekes advertising, do you want it to be Shadow Spinner or this one?

But the chapter was great! Poor little ones! (Shiva? And in the last chapter Ezekiel? Influences perhaps?)
Luki Dimension chapter 1 . 1/27/2003
I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry I didn't review this earlier! Its been so hectic lately that I've only been able to check favourites and such like. Anyway, love the long chapters, and although I've promised never to get swayed by the first chapter, this one looks really good!_
Maddie chapter 1 . 1/24/2003
hey hey i LOVE that! more more more! i really do i lov the way you write and your descriptions and the way you explaine dthat