GREAT story! I like how Caitlin's not a wimp, and even better than her brother at quaterstaff (that she has my name doesn't hurt either ). I love dragons, too, so please updat SOON!Caitlin (but said that Gaelic way, Cait-LEEN)

its good! i look foward to reading more

bye!

Very good, once again. As I think I've mentioned before, the connection between the twins is written well, and you've done a good job distinguishing their different personalities. I highly encourage you to keep it up, because this really is very intruiging!

Update, update! *dances happily* Well, there certainly were some new developments in this chapter. Fifty years old, huh? Nice touch.

This chapter, especially towards the end, was very well done. I loved the interaction between the twins, and the sad excitement Caitlin is suffering. Great job. _ I'm very curious - we know where Caitlin is going and sort of what she will be doing, but are you going to have the same sort of story with what Caben's role is or will it focus mostly on Caitlin?

heh, good chappie! More, please.

LoK

This is really really good!

I love Caitlin's character!

I can't wait to read more,

up date soon!

s.s.

You're story is beautiful.

Being a twin myself I'd say you got the relationship between the two down to a hair. But I do think it could do with some more excitment, action, like that of the playfight between the twins. But more.

Just another note, did you do research for the "dragon language"? Seems Finish or Welsh? If you made it up that's even better. Two thumbs up.

Great stuff! I was absorbed; I love dragons and you write very well. I didn't see many structural problems; all of your sentences flow and come together quite well. Not much awkwardness anywhere. You do have a slight tendency for overdescription, but that's not too big a deal.

KUDOS!

Oh, wow! I'm really glad that you've put up your next chapter, because this is truly such an excellent story. I want to make sure I make this review good, since this story is certainly worth the time!

First, I'm very impressed with the history you weave into the storyline. Personally, I don't think it slows down the pace of the writing at all, but when doing exposition that's something to be careful of. So good job!

I especially love the use of the words in the Dragon language. That shows the great creativity and care you have taken to make this world believable and interesting for the reader. One thing to keep on guard for is confusing the reader by using too many of the foreign words. But so far, it's just fine!

Nice foreshadowing with Maandus. And I like the way you've written his connection with the twins. Speaking of the twins, you've done an excellent job writing their relationship as well. The banter (though not present so much in this chapter as the last) is very amusing and well-written.

From your writing so far, I can tell you've got a great knack for writing action, and you seem to know a lot about what you write. That's terrific! I can't wait to read some upcoming actions scenes, possibly involving Maandus and this battle he's thinking about?

The descriptions in your story are well said and elegant, not too overpowering, not non-existent. The details you paint of the Draakonad are a particularly impressive example. (I love the wings!)

Overall - wonderful! Your writing is very authoratative and sure, something your readers will no doubt appreciate.

You ought to look to getting this published very soon, as it certainly deserves a place on any bookstore's shelf.

Right on! _ Thanks for the e-mail - I had given up on this story as a "non-completer" but I'm really glad I've been proven wrong.

I LOVED this world you're showing to us bit by bit. I had no idea you'd move off in the direction you have (dragons and dragon-people! How COOL!) but it was a wonderful read with the same sense of concrete plot as the first two chapters. GREAT job.

Please do update again! I want to read more.

ja ne,

LoK

_~

*dies laughing* *ghost goes to haunt author until more is written*

*claps hands silently and begins to wait for the next chpater*

yOUR STORY IS SO INCREDIBLY GREAT! i REALLY HOPE YOU'LL RITE MORE! I like the detail, and the prologue wasn't something to be overlooked either! The prologue adds a dramatic feel to the story, especially the last line. I liked it A LOT!

The twins have very fun and different personalities, and the humor added in is distinct, and funny, but not so ridiculous as to make the whole story seem like tomfoolery. I thoroughly enjoyed this section of the story, and you really should keep up the AWESOME work!

it sounds like its going to be a good story...your a great writer thats for sure! I plan on keeping up with the story!

jinxy

could you email me whenever you update? my address is

thanx

Wonderful start on the story, esfwolf. The amount of description was refreshing after having read a few of the other stories on the page. I hope you continue to write this one, and good luck to you. :)

Hello, Esfwolf!

I must say, this is absolutely gorgeous. I loved the long, drawn-out description in the beginning. Right at the point you start the second paragraph, I started wondering what you were setting me up for. I wasn't disappointed! The twins are hilarious, and the dialogue is handled better than usual. I was very impressed with how you dropped in the occasional hint instead of blatantly telling us what was going on. First we have an "opponent", then a "woman", then a "woman with fiery hair identical to his own", then, out of nowhere (though we're expecting it by now), "his sister." The introduction to the cause of this little (painful for Caben) quarrel was also beautiful, as was the casually dropped comment as to the twins' parentage. Your grammar is impeccable as well. Only one thing I would change; in a few places, you might split one paragraph into two. For example, in paragraph...seven, you might consider making a new paragraph after the fifth sentence (ending "...and bent over his stinging side"), because Caitlin talking is somewhat a change of subject. Anyway...yeah. Keep it up!

~Shimoyo Lomiel