Reviews for Princess of Thieves
Krytzie chapter 3 . 2/24/2003
"It felt odd to just up and leaving my home like I that."

That or was?

".now you look like your having a birthday," he answered confidently."

Answering confidently.I'm not sure it agrees with me. It's more a lika a."Stated matter-of-factly" type quote.

"Some of the servants at home had called me pig headed but I thought of it as a compliment."

pig-headed as a compliment? I'm one of those people who takes b*tch as a compliment, but not really a different word? , which can be interpreted as good. Like being true to her nature.

"I was able to pick up a little bit about how poor Falton was."

poor Falton? 1) why poor? 2) Who is Falton?

*reads on.*Ah, it's the country? Along when I was asking who, can you have the guy introduce himself to her? And don't forget there are two guards in a carriage with her.

"We didn't stop at night and only took quick breaks during the day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

What about going pe? lol sorry, I had to ask .

"It was on the fifth day that we ran into trouble or more accurately the fifth night."

It was on the fifth day that we ran into trouble or, more accurately, the fifth night.

Sorry, I'm a comma queen.

""Shit! Come on, come one," "

1) A princess does not say Shit. If you can't think of anything: I cursed and swore at the ropes, "Come on, come on."

2) one and on, second time ;)

""We make camp here. Tomorrow we move out," the man holding my wrist shouted. "

1) I would think they should try to move away from the road.I mean, isn't that the first place a party would look? I would think them to be smarter than that.

2) Give some flare. my 'kidnapper' shouted. Afterall, he did introduce himself like that.

"Either way I eventually fell asleep from sheer exhaustion."

sheer exhaustion.I remmeber that from somewhere earlier? I dunno, perhaps I'm insane O.o

As for being the only one to give constructive criticism, I'm not all that surprised. On here, I find it rare that epople are bluntly honest. So.I am :D

Keep up writing, I'm still reading.
Krytzie chapter 2 . 2/24/2003
Detailed review ahead:

"I was able to quite Heyes by assuring him that my father."

Quiet, not quite.

""Escort, Cordelia, back to her room. ."

Cordelia should not have commas around it, the reason being, if it were taken out, the sentence would have no subject. is) Escort back to her room.

"I was able to get through a few routines before the guards knocked on my door to tell me that my carriage was ready."

Perhaps describe a bit and give us a feel for what she does. I know it will probably be hard, but perhaps just explain the feelings she gets from doing the matrial arts she does.

""Can't the guards ride outside the carriage," he complained with a high- pitched voice."

A few things up my bum. The comma should be a question mark. Give Lia's feelings about this guy and his high pitched voice. Add it onto her headache. We like reactions.

"Oh come one."

On, not one. I do this one a lot too.

" Plopping myself gracefully on the velvet covered seat across from him,."

Plopping doesn't really go with gracefully. Pick a different verb? Seating perhaps?

Keep it up. The foreshadowing in the last chapter was only SLIGHTLY obvious, perhaps try to tone it down.

-Krytzie
BuffLie chapter 4 . 2/24/2003
Hey, thanks for the review ;) And. I like when Callen is embarassed. cutting off her skirt, looking kinda shocked and blushing ahhaha, makes him hotter. Oye, I think yet another fictional character is hot.
Maharanjoni chapter 4 . 2/24/2003
*does good story dance*

In case you didnt get the idea already i really like the story and I liked the fact that you werent afraid to add a little embarasment for the main character. Even though it wasnt pretty it was more true-to-life and she is one hard core chick! (reminds me of me jk _) I cant wait to find out what happens next! Update soon. I'll be waiting! *ominous music*

-Em
Raberba girl chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
I wanna hear more about this "court jester who had previously been a ninja."
Dark Puck chapter 2 . 2/24/2003
Surprise? Oh, goody! I love surprises! So, what'll happen to her? PLease hurry up and update!
BuffLie chapter 3 . 2/23/2003
Wee! You're updating fast. good, good. Lia really does seem like she would be better off with the bandits. shes so fiesty. And Callen. I know he is a kidnapper and all.. and that's supposed to be bad, but he sounds hot :P Haha. Update soon
Melted Crayons chapter 3 . 2/23/2003
this is very interesting so far. I like that you made Lia seem extremly real. I can easily relate to her attitude, and I like that she took matters into her own hands. Your writing is very good as well. I can't wait to see what happens. Update ASAP!
FireBringer chapter 3 . 2/23/2003
This is so cool! I love it! Please update quickly!
EndlessThyme chapter 3 . 2/23/2003
Hi!

I know, my reviews are useless, but anyway, i really like it and please update it soon, PLEASE! 3
BuffLie chapter 2 . 2/22/2003
That's sick. an arranged marriage. Update soon ;)
Fairy Queen chapter 2 . 2/22/2003
Update,update,update,update,update. That's all I have to say.
Bluebell chapter 2 . 2/22/2003
Neato. Yah, I figured out the meeting beforehand. Can't wait for the next part! I love the character, she's got a personality sorta like mine, except with a worse temper.-

. .

~Li'l Blue
Tiffany chapter 2 . 2/22/2003
I think you have a wonderful story going! I don't have any complaints and can't wait for you to get the third chapter up! _
BuffLie chapter 1 . 2/22/2003
Oh! I like it. It wasn't boring. I'll be waiting for the next chapter :)
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