Reviews for Sugar and Til
poops mcgee chapter 1 . 6/6/2005
So far I've only read the first chapter, and to say the least your writing seems very very passive. You seem to want to tell the reader about everything, rather than just show it, which is understandable; it's a very common pitfall to get stuck in because telling the reader about things is much easier than showing it by characters' actions or dialogue or events.

What I mean to say is, you have a lot of narrative and very little character interaction. Your characters, as a result, seem flat and dull. We only know so much as you have told us so far and we aren't able to make many assumptions or judgments for ourselves.

The story itself appears interesting and most certainly has potential, but the writing I would suggest needs to be reworked. Of course, these are just suggestions. I'll read the later chapters soon, but for now - bedtime for me!
Sakura163 chapter 10 . 11/21/2003
Wow!

It's very real! That's why I like it!

Seems as tho it could happen to anyone!
Sakura163 chapter 9 . 10/31/2003
WOW! Well we know about Sugar's feelings Toward Til. Will Til have some ons to feel like that about soon? I hope so.
Sakura163 chapter 7 . 10/31/2003
I knew it ! I figured it out! God I was hoping Til and Sugar would hook up but guess not!
Sakura163 chapter 6 . 10/31/2003
Okay! I think I got it now.
Sakura163 chapter 5 . 10/31/2003
Their relationship is so ambiguous! I need to know are they just friends or not!
Sakura163 chapter 4 . 10/31/2003
OK, are they just friends? Or more? I'm confused! And remember people with mullets are people too *LOL* I know a few people with mullets (VERY FEW) so it was funny you had that in there!
Sakura163 chapter 3 . 10/31/2003
Vert surreal!
Sakura163 chapter 2 . 10/31/2003
that was almost to sweet! ;)
Sakura163 chapter 1 . 10/31/2003
I like the concept so far tho not much happened in this chapter.
Robin the Jarbog chapter 10 . 10/30/2003
I am absolutely in love with this. It's so beautiful and poetic. The chapters are short, almost like little poems on their own. And the language seems simplistic, but it fits perfectly. It takes marvelous talent to write like this. I can't wait to read more!
Razor Sharp Kisses chapter 10 . 10/25/2003
Completely speecheless. I got so into this story, so lost in the content. It's beautiful. I badly want to read more. It's beautifully overwhelming.
Just Wolf chapter 10 . 10/11/2003
the last paragraph was so beautiful. everything about it was perfect, and powerful, and beautiful. the whole story is very beautiful, very gentle, like gossamer, somehow.

you have to write some more. you asked me to give you some help but i'm not sure if i can. i think sugar needs to find her til. find him and try to understand him, why he ran away. and then maybe she should walk away. but they would both know that she would come back. its a beautiful, sweet story, all over, and i don't think you should harden it. it needs to stay flimsy and butterflybeautiful. but thats just what i think.
Just Wolf chapter 9 . 7/25/2003
wow, that was amazing. it was such an incredible deswcription of grief. you wrote so powerfully. it was really really amazing. seriously, well done. sugar is such a great character, she became really strong in this chapter. but i still want to know more abt til.
BatmanBeyond316 chapter 8 . 7/19/2003
good ending
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