|Reviews for What Money Buys|
| Nightfall-shadow chapter 39 . 2/11/2005
Please, this is one of the best stories that I have read and it would be awesome if you could even do a short follow up or anything even remotely relating to the story.
| Rouge Angel chapter 39 . 2/7/2005
all right corris, i reviewed, wheres my sequill?
| yisin chapter 39 . 1/11/2005
Wow! That was a great ending, but i really would like you to write a sequel. Fine, I'll put that into a question: "Are u gonna write mor?"
| Andrew Scott Schilling chapter 1 . 1/11/2005
Well, the characters and plot may be interesting, but the writing is horrific. There is hardly any detail, and what there is is riddled with grammatical errors. Also, your attempts at subtlety are laughable.
"Suddenly, without warning Remus struck out at Stronginthearm and killed him by ripping his throat out. Remus then incinerated Crystalline with a psychic fire blast."
Right here, you've just killed off two characters with one sentence for each of them. That should never, ever be done. The reader needs to know what it looked like, what it sounded like, the expression on his face. You definitely need to describe the "psychic fire blast". That tells the reader absolutely nothing. You may as well have written this: Remus killed Stronginthearm. Remus killed Crystalline. I would suggest going back through your story and adding a great deal more detail to everything. This will make for a much more interesting, respectable story.
You are obviously creative and enjoy writing. I would suggest taking a few writing courses to further your ability. From what I've read your writing is about middle school level. So if you are that age, this isn't bad. Otherwise, you have a lot to improve, but it can be done.
Good luck, and good job so far.
| phoenix-rising626 chapter 1 . 1/8/2005
Your story sucks I hate it you stoopid prep.
| Kayla chapter 38 . 1/8/2005
I've finished! But you haven't because you must feed the hungry more.. Zombies hunger are never satisfied when fed something they like... Okay, time to sleep now.
| yisin chapter 41 . 12/5/2004
YES! I FINISHED READING UR STORY! now i wait for u to update. I LUV THIS STORY! I'M THIRSTY FOR GORY MURDER!
| Carradine chapter 1 . 11/11/2004
You need to describe things more.
"Romulus falls over dead without a sound."
I don't remember how to explain it well enough but unless your story's a screenplay you hafta use past tense, so the sentence I quoted should be "Romulus fell over, dead, without a sound." That's without changing the wording, but this would be a lot more effective as a sentence if it were worded differently.
"'He looks just like you, Romulus.' Stronginthearm said, voicing what's on all our minds." should be more like "'He looks just like you, Romulus,' Stronginthearm said, voicing what's on all or minds." Also, if by "what's" you meant "what is" it should be "what was-" past tense thing like above.
I won't go on more but you need to watch your grammar more carefully.
| UlyessxPenelope chapter 40 . 11/7/2004
hey did you have a chapter 41 up i thought i read it
| Sarah chapter 38 . 5/30/2004
I'm back. I told you I'd review. This was a fun chapter. i can't wait to see how this story ends. (There should be a spin-off story with Sarda and Taleshea, it'd be fun, I promise haha) Til next time
| roel R chapter 38 . 5/28/2004
Story is awesome so far,I feel like you're reaching a climax but I'm not doing what you're doing,it's great.
| Roel Rangel JR chapter 36 . 5/11/2004
I like the chapters so this point It seems like you have the all planned out or you just made the chapters up on the spot.
| Evermore Euro chapter 33 . 3/25/2004
eh...I've been reading your stuff for a while. It started out pretty good. But the violence is a bit to much. The stuff I write is pretty violent, but I try to keep it tastefull. So far all I've seen here is a horror story, not an action write. But I do like the characters, and no doubt that some of the action is pretty cool, just try to keep it...interesting. We know you have a terribly sadistic mind (j/k), but let's tone that down, and maybe add technique to the fighting? Hey, only a suggestion. And other then that? great story. Like I said, cool chracters but the violence makes them dull. I am looking foward to the rest of this story. keep it up
| Sarah chapter 31 . 2/16/2004
I like this addition. I'm glad we know where the real Trep is and hope to hear more about his actions in the future because you don't talk about his contribution to the team much. Yea for Sarda! And they all doubted her inteligence and strenght. Not anymore. I hope to see more of this, lol. Happy writing
| elperrofantastico chapter 1 . 2/3/2004
yo thats pretty awesome. email for more thots and sstuff. cant write a lot in this box.