|Reviews for The Book and the Mirror|
| Wolf of Asguard chapter 1 . 12/14/2004
This story is great what i have read so far of it love. Sorry for not bein in contact 4 so long but ahm havin hassle wit me hotmail account at the mo, so if u want 2 send me a message just write it in a review of my poem like i have here. Why aren' i on your bio as one of your recomended authors ay? responce to your request, i don't know if this counts but my girlfriend (she is on here as Lilith.S) is partialy 'sensitive' an according 2 her spirit guide we used to be lovers in Carnac anchient egypt but it was a forbidden love an she was killed, guys came an killed me soon after, if u wanna know the full details ask me. Also there has been a ghost spotted at Lilleshall abbey in Telford, Shropshire where i live, my advise to u 4 your book is to concentrate on these lesser known tales rather than ones already known an covered, i will have a think just let me know if u wann know more from me, ho k darlin? Love ya stuff you talented artist you, bye! TTFN!
| Tasiha chapter 1 . 12/1/2004
Hm... an interesting first chapter! It certainly starts the reader in the middle of things and gets them hooked, and I like your particular world and magic.
A few points:
It's it is. its belongs to it. you er... mess those up enough to throw me off from the story a time or two.
I'd really, really like to see more description; the scene with the absorbing the magic is obviously vital, and while it is a fairly pretty scene, I as a reader want more! more description, more details, more in depth view. I want to see every glorious instant of this wonderous moment.
I'd also like to know more about where they live; I thought it was in a hovel, and then in a hall; a village, and then in a town; basically not enough written clues for me to figure out what it looks like. And where does Andaren's family live? I thought it would be fairly far away from L'endrin and Andaren, but then Luin comes waltzing through the door at a wonderfully convenient moment... too convenient. So I was a bit confused there as well.
You seem fond of names staring with Ls or containing Ls... Luin, Yoli, L'endrin, Lady, Leroni, Lunar Mage... etc... is this on purpose? if so, Andaren doesn't see to fit in, and even if you want her to be an outcast you'd think her parents would've named her according to societal norms.
if it isn't on purpose, it's slightly distracting from the story itself.
You do a good job handling the Mentrians; your description of them is detailed enough that I understand why she needs to see them, but vague enough to leave me wondering. good stuff.
However, the pace of this chapter is a bit fast as well... you seem to pile a great deal on the reader all at once. More description (more time spent dawdling over details) should counteract this and preent information overload.
That's all for now. G'day!
| Last-Chael chapter 1 . 10/2/2003
A great beginning, I can tell it will be excellent when you have finished. You have probably noticed that I am one for details, especially spelling ang grammar. I think that details are important. So a feww tips:
check spelling, I noticed you spelt lose as loose and council as counsel. You also used Alternatively at the beginning, this should be alternately, they have different meanings, so just watch for that.
If the animal is an Alundi, a species of animal, I think it should have a capital letter, as it would be a proper noun.
check thouroughly your work, I noticed a few capital letters missing, and also a few times you have left out the space between new sentences and so the first letter hasn't been changed to a capital. Also check that there shouldn't be a comma where there is a fullstop.
in paragraph 15, "Her skin was still tingling, although she thought that was more to do with trepidation than the magic she had .absorbed?" I think this shouldn't be a question mark, as she doesnt' appear to be asking a question.
Well, I hope you dont' mind me making these corrections (My friends are often angry at me because I correct them all the time), but I believe that attention to detail is needed in writing, and I would hope that other people would do the same for me. I try to put it in as nice a tone as possible, noone is perfect, but with help and criticism from others, we can try damn hard!
Don't get me wrong, this story will be fantastic, and your talent for writing is obviously brilliant! And incredibly enviable! _
| Kyalia chapter 1 . 6/9/2003
It's good... more? Please?
| Katherine Daystar chapter 1 . 3/25/2003
I think what you have here so far seems very well-written _ The characters are also set up perfectly for future developments and conflicts. Andaren in particular seems to have a lot of potential as a really captivating character, what with her grudge against her mother, personal insecurities, special abilities and physical weaknesses. I look forward to seeing how she manages with all these obstacles, and I LOVE Yoli :P She sounds adorable! Please post more _