Reviews for On da Road
Cherub of the Gutter chapter 1 . 6/19/2003
Oh, tasty! this was good!
Misio chapter 1 . 5/29/2003
As one of the previous reviewers said, there is too much emphasis placed on how the character pronounces words. It distracts from the content of the poem. The idea isn't bad, but I don't like the execution.
Icarus Sun chapter 1 . 4/21/2003
I like how the accent showed through. There are some very strong visuals that come to mind while reading, and the subject of the poem is explained well without detracting fromt the metaphor it's explained with.

The last stanza sums up the whole of the poem; but the 'road' metaphor is no where to be seen with the exception of 'walk yourself out.'

The poem starts to abandon the metaphor around the second to last stanza. Definitely re-work that.

The last stanza holds ideas and words that are too complex in comparasion with the simple voice that's been used through the whole poem.
Ki-rae chapter 1 . 4/16/2003
"Walk yourself out, tear delusion down; read my words and maybe you undestand." Ah, so wonderful. I like this poem. Its good to wrench yourself from how you normally write and look at things from a different perspective (not that I've actually tried it...;)) Dialects (?) are difficult, but you pulled it off well. I commend thee, my good sir. *bows*

*Ki-rae*
obsidian katana chapter 1 . 4/1/2003
very interesting. i like the style. very cool! keep up the great work!
Moonwinges chapter 1 . 4/1/2003
Hmm, I understand what you were trying to do, but I didn't like it that much. The alternate spellings made it hard to read. It's great for you to experiment, but I don't think saying things the way the speaker said them has much place it poetry. It disrupts the purpose of poetry - to flow - and the rhyming kinda takes away from the genuine straight-from-the-mouth feeling. You have great meaning in this poem though, and aside from the ill-speak, I liked it a lot.
Miamouse chapter 1 . 4/1/2003
I really like this, you give the poem almost a voice that I can hear in my head while I read it.

Really good.

Mia :)
Lowell Boston chapter 1 . 3/24/2003
I really like the voice in this poem, though towards the end you seem to lose some of the musical, rhythmic quality that it began with. Like the way you pick up speed in the third stanza.

Perhaps to pull this together more towards the end you need to return to the 'road' theme once more.

Jazz meets poetry. Good work.

Lowell
Nia Skywalk chapter 1 . 3/19/2003
Wow, I like the concept. And the poetry ain't too bad neither ;-) Nice Poem, I like it.
BecomingMyself chapter 1 . 3/19/2003
*-*: -speechless-

I think you're just good at this!

Nice message in there too...

Please, go and tell the people out there some more nice things with your poems...