|Reviews for Nature Of The Bee|
| R. Washburn chapter 1 . 2/19/2004
I saw your other story, but I thought that since it was a sequel, it'd be best to start off with the original story. By the way, I love your imagery and your way of abstract descriptions. Though they may be a little too abstract, which can always distract the reader onto those certain images rather than the real picture you are trying to paint, but otherwise it can rarely be accomplished only if done properly.
I would like to state that the opening sentence is really well done. It caught my attention and had me read on. However, the second paragraph had to have been one of the longest run-on sentences I have ever seen (I'm not sure if you intended this or not, but it's kind of distracting and somewhat jarring.). Though well written, you might want to add in some periods here and there where the thought on a certain picture ends, because you don't want it to drag on for too long. It sort of ruins the picture that way. When you are done talking about another detail of the corpse, I think it might be best that you put a period instead of the semi-colon symbol.
By the way, I love how you used the word "halo". It fitted in so well.
You sort of get two things mixed up. You do your fancy words real well, but in the beginning, it gets jumbled up with the actions, so it's difficult to comprehend what is going on. I managed to understand better once you got out of the first-person point of view, though. I loved the way you describe things, but just remember that not all actions have to be a pretty painting; I have had this problem many times and have been told this by my writing teacher.
Can't say anything about not knowing who the main character is from the start, seeing as I've done that myself. It adds on a nice touch to the interest, and makes me wonder more about what's going on. You have a nice way of capturing my attention, which is sort of hard to do. I like what you've done, and I think I'll keep on reading for the sake of what happens next.
Expect to hear more of me.
~ Reverie Nightengale*
| Matthew B chapter 23 . 7/26/2003
i'm halfway now, so far so good, i like the descriptions but i think the interest on sex is a little tacky, anyways, you have a good knowledge of other countries (adds a little more spice to the story, don't you think?D), dialogue good, character construction interesting (the conflict between G and Vivian should be interesting) the old world of the computers with Serge reminds me of Snow Crash (good book), you have a good style, you keep things pepping, and you keep the story flowing.
PS: sorry if my story seems a little less descriptive, i wrote it when i was 16 between studying TEE, but thanks for the comments, hope mine have been useful. catcha round!
| Matthew B chapter 7 . 7/23/2003
hey, in short similar comments to Algierz -thanks for reviewing my work, am now reading yours, more chapters coming, submit to publisher, repeat, submit- anywayz.
Your work is v. g, very imaginative (cyberpunk- i like!), good use of tech design (androids everywhere!), characters are well constructed, there are a few grammatical errors (repeats of words, see chap 1), some parts seem to be told rather than shown (but understood that this is probably because the prequel hasn't been shown here yet- am looking forward to seeing prequel when it appears!) and last but not least, you win my award for the biggest opening sentence i've ever read (phew!) will continue reading and submitting reviews! thanks again! keep writing!
| Eijentu chapter 44 . 7/12/2003
A fittingly striking end to a superb story! Drama, power and anticipation.
Will certainly leave a more detailed review of the entire story within the next few days, but I want to mull it over a bit first :)
For now though, I'll give my honest opinion and say that it has been a most remarkable and well-written story. Well done!
| Jave Harron chapter 1 . 7/10/2003
Whoa! Seems like you bit a good deal of thought into this story. Ever thought of getting this published?
Mind reading my own novel, In The Eyes Of God?
| Eijentu chapter 43 . 7/10/2003
*Eijentu stares at the screen in awed silence*
I don't really know how to phrase my impressions of this chapter - perhaps the best likeness might be reading an account of an epiphany.
Everything in this chapter feels like it belongs exactly where it written. Really like the opening paragraph with the exploration black and white. It's clever, to the point, and sets the tone for the piece.
Very effective communication of G's years in limbo - the reader can *feel* her mindnumbing nothingness. I don't think I can say anything else about the remainder of the chapter, save for brilliant :)
Look forward to the next.
| Eijentu chapter 42 . 7/10/2003
Even with update alerts, my poor brain seems unable to stop me missing new chapters -_-.
And a great chapter it is. Really like Vivian's stream of conscious as she searches for the Triad here. The story flows between her environment and her thoughts, propelling it on nicely.
You consistently create a very realistic sense of each scene in this - the storm, the red light district, the temple. The anticipation of these final lines is unbelievable:
"Vivian stepped into the Hall Of Buddhas and behind her the doors swung shut. She stopped and looked back without turning. The room started to crackle with the awakening of technology. She took two more steps.
The Bodhisattva's came alive."
Quite a bit of unexpected happenings in here. Look forward to seeing how they will play out :)
| Eijentu chapter 41 . 7/5/2003
Barely left one review, and the next chapter is up :)
Thought this was a really good chapter, in particular Hansel and Satomi's final conversation. Can just feel how Hansel is feeling his way with every single word, every intonation. He obviously cares, but there's more at stake here for him too. Whilst perhaps not on the same level of importance, it's easy to identify with him in his manoeuvers.
The same goes for Satomi. All the certainty, her hate and betrayal can be offset by just the slightest doubt, or hope rather. This part is very real:
"I don't know, I don't know," she repeated, a litany of sorrow and hope, and of pain that hurt both good and bad."
Great chapter, very well done. Keep at it :)
| Eijentu chapter 40 . 7/5/2003
Plenty in here to keep interest going v This chapter develops various parts of the main arc, and also provides great insight into Serge's character. Keep up the good work :)
| Eijentu chapter 39 . 7/1/2003
Beautiful flow in the opening paragraphs here. Starting on a wide scale, and gradually narrowing down to the details of Satomi, and the specifics of her pain. I like the distinction drawn between her previous trials, and present situation. After all, life is like that. Sometimes it feels impossible to carry on, even after enduring so much -.o Hmm, sounding a off topic here, but what I'm trying to say is that it feels realistic. The reader can empathise with Satomi in her plight.
Great sequencing of action and character exploration throughout the chapter. Keep at it v
| Akira Makie chapter 38 . 6/26/2003
hey, another great chpt. G really knows how to screw someone over, even the french girl who helped her...sad... well, cant wait till you update.
| Eijentu chapter 38 . 6/26/2003
Updating quickly :)
As ever, very effective (and vivid) use of imagery to set the scene. So many examples of this, occurs throughout the entire chapter, but I particularly liked: "Freely, blood flowed from her cold mouth". Short, but with a great deal of power.
Lot of tension in here too. The use of long sentences, broken by commas, as Stephanie walks with the concealed gun, really captures the sense of every second counting, time almost standing still as G anticipates her next move. It feels like slow motion - really good use of style here.
Great chapter! Keep up the good work :)
| Akira Makie chapter 37 . 6/23/2003
THe Return Of Hansel. what a surprise. i knew he wouldnt be killed off that easily... well, guess i have to wait til the next chpt to see how this turns out.
| Eijentu chapter 37 . 6/22/2003
This has just become one of my favourite chapters. Really well done.
The writing here flows so smoothly, it's almost liquid -.o Thoughts gives way to emotion, to action... everything with a beautiful sense of pace and time.
The opening scene is very languid, and nicely illustrates Vivian's state of mind, and being. This part especially:
"The room was still. No sound of outside entered... She could have. It would have been an easy solution to follow. But she didn't."
The details of her surround, the amazing sense of stillness. Again, really well done.
Intrigued to see Hansel's return to the story, and very interested to see how he will fare with Satomi. Great chapter, keep at it v
| Eijentu chapter 36 . 6/17/2003
Lots of action in here, but not at the expense of storyline or character v
Highly visual, really capturing a sense of the scene unfolding. Particularly the part opening:
"To win, G had to take risks.
She liked to think that she excelled at it, too.
Static exploded on the right side of her vision..."
The writing flows with the movement of her body throughout the entire fight sequence. It's great to see body reaction and automation considered, and captured so well. Really brings out the realism of the scenes.
Great fic, keep at it v