|Reviews for Parachutes|
| Amaris chapter 1 . 4/6/2003
Nice description, but it was a little overdone. Your sentences were almost run on, and it seemed as though you were trying too hard to make it flow and have meaning. Try to be a little simpler. You have a nice way of wording situations and creating vivid images though.
| rose of dresden chapter 1 . 4/5/2003
[ah! i hate this site!]
Wow, I love this. Such a pretty vignette: my favorite line has to be-
Sometimes I think I am more in love than I have ever been, with the overwhelming front page that features unnaturally chartreuse clouds
That whole section. This is so very well written! And it matches what's going on perfectly, the war and all...sorry, i am so the queen of bad reviews
| the Queen of Jupiter chapter 1 . 3/29/2003
Oh my goodness this was brilliant and so, so, so, true, with the descriptions about travel catalogues and how they romanticize everything. And very poignant and tragic last two paragraphs: also true, however reluctant we are to admit it. Bravo to you for stating what the rest of us don't wish to say. Fantastic, how the last image you leave us with ties into the beginning. This is great stuff.
Keep writing! Peace
| toysoldier chapter 1 . 3/28/2003
e! 'unnaturally chartreuse clouds...'
macabre and wonderfully so.
| aspenjerome chapter 1 . 3/27/2003
Thanks for your comments re: my work. Keep the reviews coming, please.
This is a beautiful piece. Magazine worthy if you sorted out the opening a bit. You've found a clever angle to open the work, and you hit an amazing stride in the third paragraph. That third paragraph completely, entirely works. The little sentences. The big ones.
The fourth paragraph as well. That image, floating dead down the river to refugees - you nailed it. Lovely tie-in to the beginning. Makes me think of Jarmusch's "Dead Man" for some reason.
I view the first two paragraphs as maybe your mind at work, hashing through images and ideas, until you strike gold in the last half. The hook of the opening is good, but the sentence itself could be sharper - just give us the image of an airbrushed cloud, and leave it at that.
In the second paragraph, the imaging is a little too confused and overwhelming.
I look forward to more prose pieces. I do want you to know you should not stop writing these, only that you must speak more plainly than one would in a poem. You do that here with only a few hiccups.
| Obabababa chapter 1 . 3/26/2003
This is kinda wrong to say... but it was pretty.
I loved how it started. So poetic(I wonder why...). The palm is good. I know what you're talking about, and the sentence and imagery is great.
Then all the words that I don't know... Let's vocab now..