|Reviews for Imaginary|
| sour cherry chapter 6 . 8/1/2010
Chilling. Jeremy kind of started to scare the shit out of me when he started changing. But I'm sad he's gone. ;_;
Obviously you're not going to update, it's been like... seven years. XD
| Erisah Mae chapter 6 . 9/10/2007
Wow. Chillingly plausible.
Very well written- this literally sent shivers down my spine.
| Day2Dreamer chapter 6 . 6/16/2003
heya there buddy! planning on updating this anytime soon? i'd really really love for you to do so! been waiting on an update forthis story for eons! hehehee, but yep! this is just a reminder that there R still ppl out here waiting for u to write another chapter! D well, i'd better be on my way, i hope you have a really great time, i'll cya when i cya! adios!
| ionlyliveindreams chapter 6 . 5/22/2003
Woah! This is so great! I love it! Are you going to write more? :) I hope so :) I love it. I don't see how Hannah can be 17 and 'talking to herself' all the time and not be in a rubber room or whatever, but I guess it could work... Anyways it's so awesome!
| Cassie Metallium1 chapter 6 . 5/9/2003
Oh. My. GOD. That was the best fucking story I've ever read in my whole life. ~sitting slumped in chair, with mouth open~ I'm, like, in awe over here. You are immediately going on my Favorites. Holy friggin crap! THAT WAS AWESOME! It was very very very very ~etc~ great. You are SO going to go places in life. There are only a few criticisms (not bad) that I have for this awesome story:
Firstly, I think I'll have to go with "jarensgod" and say that you need to explain why Hannah was so dependant on Jeremy for so long, and why she seems younger than most people. Why do her parents not send her to a mental hospital or a social skills class? They must have heard her talking to this invisible person every now and then. They probably noticed that she doesn't have any friends besides him. Why don't they do anything? Does she even have a father, or is it just her mom? Go into detail on why Hannah *needs* this invisible figure in her life to deal with it all.
Also, awesome touch at the end with Jeremy. But you might want to go into elaborate descriptions on how Hannah's vivid belief that Jeremy is real can make him real like that, how her overpowering desire to have him leave her and Alex alone made him disappear. Will he come back? Is he so buried within the fibers of the back of Hannah's mind that he can never truly leave? Is he a ghost that is just looking for companionship, a poltergeist than can move things just by pure will? Did Hannah's words hit him harder than he thought, and that's hwy he suddenly realized that he's not real, he can't touch her if she doesn't want him to?
Also going with jarensgod's review, you might want to look over some of the sentences and elaborate on them. How can Hannah tell he's angry if they are now turning into 2 separate people, the girl and the man? How does he flicker? Is it a blip in his image like in The Ring, or is it something else? Also...go into detail on Jeremy himself. What spawned him besides the desperate wishes of a lonely, depressed outcast girl? Is he the grown up part of Hannah that she refuses to have until Alex comes along? When Jeremy disappears, is he actually going back into Hannah so that she is more grown up as an individual now?
Also...this is worth continuing. You might want to have Hannah explaining Jeremy. Have Alex show her the benefits of getting to know real people, have him show her how to deal with life the way other people, real ones, do.
Otherwise...AWESOME! I think this is now my favorite story, besides this one called Gutterflower. Fwah. TOTALLY AWESOME!
You should submit this into a contest or a publishing agency once it's finished and looked over. It's worth publishing, I don't care what anyone says.
| June Augustine chapter 4 . 4/28/2003
Hmm, I don't think it was too cheesey. One needs a little bit of cheese in one's life to lead a nice, insane life. Anyway, I think you may have skipped some parts or something, because after a while it seemed like a few words were missing or an entire sentence. You may want to re-read it just to make sure. It may just be me loosing my mind. Update soon!
PS thanks for your review of Nine Lives! I appreciate it!
| Mogget1 chapter 6 . 4/23/2003
Great job, once again. Is this the end, then? Or will Jeremy...dum-dee-dum-dum...return? If it is an ending, it certainly is a good one. If it isn't, I can see major possibilities and super twistiness ahead.
Loved the story...
| PoleKat chapter 6 . 4/22/2003
This is awesome. Sorry I don't have any real useful criticism, but I'm really inexperienced and I just read for pleasure mostly. I know good material from bad, and this is really good, but I don't really understand what makes it good. So the most I can tell you is that I love it and it is one of the best stories I've ever read. Really. It is. So, um, is this the end? It seems like it... It was too short! But I promise not to complain if you write something else as soon as you can. _
| Ms Urania chapter 6 . 4/22/2003
I love how the suspense has built up more and more with each chapter. I can't wait to find out what happens next.
My only problem is with character development. Not that the development so far isn't good, but I would like to know more about Alex and why he thinks that Hannah is "amazing. Or where Jeremy's feelings come from-a result of them growing up or a reaction to Hannah's emotional awakening perhaps?
And could you please give Hannah a bit more of a spine? I like her, but in this chapter she just seemed too much of a weak damsel in distress which I found fustrating.
Sorry if I seem too critical, I really have enjoyed this story so far.
I hope you update soon. Well done!
| jarensgod chapter 5 . 4/21/2003
Howdy again. Got your email and had a quick read here. I will read it again another day and see if I have anything to add or retract. If I do, I will return... (She cackled...)
First of all, I liked this story, it has the wacky, off beat feel I liked so much in the first chapter of the other story of yours I read. I also appreciate the conversational style as it allows the reader to climb on in and be an active part of the story.
That being said... here comes the constructive part. First of all, I have some believability problems. Your character comes off much younger than her years but doesn't really seem to have a reason for being so regressed. Lots of people grow up as loners with invisible friends (mine were Cinaminum and Sinkaboato) but they lose their friends long before 17. What is it about this girl that makes her hang on to this invisible friend-is it some form of control that Jeremy has over her? did her parents keep her locked in a closet...? I do not get a sense of her motivation. If it is Jeremy controlling her, we need a sense of this before he really starts trying to control her. How do people work? People who control children work in very specific ways... anyway, this is likely off the mark. It just comes down to the audience needing to know why she is so dependent.
On a related theme... At the beginning I did not really get a sense of where the story was heading. It almost felt like a coming of age story where the girl was going to give up her childish attachements for adult ones. After reading Part Four I see that you are going for something darker. Foreshadowing is a great thing. I do not mean that you should foeshadow by saying, "Later on, I'd find out that it was something quite different", but by letting us see that this relationship has a darker side, even if it is one that Hannah doesn't see. Have you ever read the short story The Rocking Horse Winner by DH Lawrence? It is absolutely brilliant for one reason, it sets a mood that turns what could be a normal, if not happy, story into something very dark.
You are going to want to whack me on the head with a plank for sounding way too much like an English teacher, but what is your theme? What truth do you want us readers to take away with us?
I should probably put all this in an email, shouldn't I? Oh well, I am committed now...
Stylistically, I love the easy flow, but would caution you about turning conversation into explanation. Keep showing us what is going on rather than having Hannah tell us. As an Example from Part Three is the paragraph that starts "I hope so," and goes on to talk about how she doesn't feel like talking lately and he is frustrated with her. Instead of, "I could tell Jeremy was getting frustrated. His clothes gave the odd flicker whenever he looked at me... How about... Jeremy's clothes gave a flicker that betrayed his frustrated when he looked at me... well, this isn't much better because of the words that betrayed, but I put them in because I am not sure precisely how his clothes flicker to show that he is frustrated. With a more precise word or action than flicker you could show us his frustration without telling us that he is frustrated.
Also at the end of that paragraph the line, "I couldn't understand it, but by then that had stopped surprising me" tells us, and not too clearly. Show us, and illuminate us. If she is no longer surprised by the fact that she and Jeremy are not sympatico, then show us that.
Well, that is about it for now. As usual, you are free to shake your head and dismiss what I say as lunacy... you're probably not that far off. HA! Cheers. Kim
| Mogget1 chapter 5 . 4/20/2003
I love this-it's so gorgeously twisted. Your characterization of Hannah's relationships is neatly worked, believable, and congruent with Hannah's personal traits.
Lovely job, and please continue!
| PoleKat chapter 5 . 4/20/2003
Wow. Freaky! Jeremy is scaring me! Please tell me he isn't real! If he isn't real, then he can't touch Alex, right? But that would mean that Hannah is crazy. But if he is real... This is really bothering me! AH!
Okay, now I'm ready to read another chapter! What? There's no more! No!
| lu chapter 5 . 4/20/2003
ok, this girl is insanely ridiculous and if jeremy doesn't disappear soon she's going to have to be in a mental institution. i don't want alex to start ignoring her and everything. i don't like jeremy. please, knock some sense into hannah
| ninja-kitty chapter 4 . 4/19/2003
YAY! An update! I didn't think it was THAT cheesy...but cheese is good. I really liked this chapter...I am beginning to hate Jeremy though.
I can't wait to see what happens next.
| Mogget1 chapter 4 . 4/9/2003
Very interesting story-you're definitely exploring some strange and intriguing territory with Hannah's disturbingly complex social ineptitude.
Most definitely hope to see more soon...!
Peaches and All Things Spicy,