|Reviews for Leftover Letters|
| Animagess chapter 1 . 6/15/2003
Very effective. The last line seemed like a bit of an anticlimax for some reason, but the part about 'lemon wedge lives' more than makes up for that. Yes, it does seem like a personal sort of work, but the emotion is well-conveyed.
| RedLibertyX chapter 1 . 4/30/2003
and let the dissection begin...
I like the counter repitition of the first stanza with the "You may"s and the "No longer acceptable" (I think that second to last line (line 6?). Continuing this style in a later stanza would've been interesting, effectively providing a merry-go-round affect to this not-so-merry poem, even creating this vicious circle themation.
"It takes guts to rage" - Nice, but I like it more because of the rage part than anything else (being who I am and all); it should've had a comma at the end I believe, but I could be wrong. The 9th & 19th(?) lines "But it takes defiant courage/not to smash" is a very good allusion to peaceful resistance and rioting in general; with respect to the ashtray, images form about smoking habits that kind of thing...Thus making the second stanza seem very political in my mind; about silent delegatuion against these kinds of things.
I'm probably totally wrong, but hey! All review-ers are about symbols like that.
Also the part in the parenthesis has a nice rhyme between pace/case; it causes the reader to hault at "we'll celebrate" which makes it seem like a new line and makes us rethink the rest of the stanza.
(You're just pulling out all the corporate sponsorship stops, aren't you? [in reference to Crayola, Crystal Geyser].)
I think I might have prefered if you had switched the verbs "smoke and Smile" on the emotional effects here. It adds a little defamation to the reader's psyche the other way, where as the way you have it makes the reader not necessarily not inclined towards intraspection but more towards...I'm not sure what it is...Maybe I think it seems bland? I dunno...it's a hard emotion to pinpoint with your version versus what I think would be better.
Again, I like the "Low key, low key" repetition. The "with/time" lines is very nice, I like the fact that you're making us think by being so so court.
And there's that theme in Stanza 5, the whole Salinger-esque phonyness that we can see some places...A theme I'm in total and absolute agreement with (to Salinger anyways).
Huh...that's weird...I wasn't thinking of letters at all until the last five lines. Then I thought immidiately of somebody writting letters. Weird. That just means that the combination of those lines are excellent, and well placed.
The main theme is definitely a spiderweb construction (I'd say I see that a lot in your case), several ideas that start out in the beginning that trace lines in. Thankfully, I can safely say that this poem was not done by a spider on caffeine, so I'd say that the overall observations you give here become more and more important as you narrow in. Also a point to be thankful for: you end telling the reader that this was not for them, but for either yourself or some elusive idealism or expression; which only gives pause to contexts that go beyond this particular poem and on to the outside.
I do like that you have some repetitions here AND that you have varying stanza lengths, which is the best thing I've ever seen in the world, and I'm glad you don't limit your expression in that way. I like the one word lines probably the best.
As for how different this is from what you usually write, I'm not quite sure about that. I'd say that there are differences, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that there are similarities and there are differences. Style-wise I think the thematic and structural off-roading you're doing here is a welcome addition to your repertoire. And the fact that you're writing is still very much...yours, if that's the best way to understand your style.
Wow...I think I like this poem a lot.
| sweetspontaneous chapter 1 . 4/12/2003
your images here are perfect, the pace and the timing are killer. this is lovely stuff- i think i need to go for a walk outside right now in the dark, but it's the middle of the day...
| Amaris chapter 1 . 4/8/2003
Thanks for telling me that...yes...it doesn't put a new perspective to this poem. I like it more when I read it this way. It definitely has more meaning to it now.
| Amaris chapter 1 . 4/7/2003
Definitely has a different style to it. I like the first two stanzas. Especially the bit about "guts to rage" and "defiant courage." I also like the part where you talk about "the best years of your youth...realize it." Oh, and the end too. Is it a message to someone who would be the only one to understood the "true" meaning of it?
| Basil Santin chapter 1 . 4/3/2003
Mrow. Such imagery! Although I'm continually (and pointlessly) trying to figure out which song seven you'd be referring to. The last two lines of the poem are spiffy n' significant.
but angry-at-the-world is
no longer acceptable
No longer accepted as sane
Eh. You know my feelings there. I'm plenty pissed at most people, and I'm still doing fine. if nothing else, look at Michael Savage. (I suppose it's bad to find points of contention in someone's poetry... eh, that's what I do _)
I have no idea what souvlaki is, either, but that's my shortcoming. Nice once.
| Impressionist chapter 1 . 3/31/2003
I'm...speechless. well, no not really. but I could be for the potency of this piece.
Anger...yet confined anger. Don't ever stoop to their level.
I say, good show.
| Obake-chan chapter 1 . 3/30/2003
Interesting. Definitely is different from what you usually write.
I like the 'I don't have it I didn't take it' line. It seems random, but it all comes together. And then, for some reason or another, an image of the Bay Bridge comes to mind. Hm... weird brain.
| miss meaningeverythingtome chapter 1 . 3/30/2003
that's eerie but beautiful
it reminds me of me and i wish
i really wish
i know it wasn't written for me
so it must not be
damn all you talented folks...
i love your imagery
| FalseExecutioner chapter 1 . 3/30/2003
Story is different from your usual work it is very descriptive while at the same time very differentiated in vocabulary, word usage, and formation. Overall i give it a 2.5 out of 5
| tarnishedoversoul chapter 1 . 3/30/2003
I can't really begin to describe how amzingly vivid cool this poem is, and since my words won't do it justice- I won't really try. But, I have to say that I love it, and the last line/stanza thing is so good!
| A.J.Peart chapter 1 . 3/29/2003
I'm not sure I can bable with this one, since there's [paradox] a much different style to the whole thing. The best I can do is [paradox] try.
I'm seeing that there are two perspectives of the world at [paradox] use here, where the narrator is not necessarily aware of the opposing perspective. In fact, the first two lines tell me just that: "You may be just another / Cynical bitch." The whole first stanza relates this differce in [paradox] that the narrator is, as you said in the description thingy, an elitest. And, as the last line of the stanza presents it, she's defining sanity, which is, again, entirely based on an opinion, and [paradox] thus a perspective.
The second stanza is sort of a strange little thing. I'd say that it's leading up to the next one, but it's a tough one to place who [paradox] it is that the narrator is talking about. My first guess was that it was about this other person, but now I'm thinking that it's the narrator.
The word "defiant" [paradox] makes me wonder. It suggests to me that the narrator is defying his/her urges to lash out, hence the courage, and thus the tupperware would eliminate the need to restrain his/herself. Of course, by compromising, there is always something lost, which, in this case, would be the [paradox] defying courage; there'd be something else afterwards.
This stanza is a very strange one too. Here is this poem about someone talking/thinking [paradox] about this other person who is, for the sake of assumption, the exact opposite of him/her. But then it goes on to promote the [paradox] sucking in of toxic smoke in order to waste away, die I would assume.
However, da duh duh da, I can find the good in the supposedly bad! Wasting yourself, as [paradox] it suggests, would be to not conserve yourself is to not really live, as the narrator would have us believe. However, the wording of this is carefull, and [paradox] it can be read as being a promotional bit for wasting yourself. The city lights burning and no one wanting "to stand in your glow." It would seem that it could be the cigarette [paradox] ash that is glowing, but I was reading it as a metaphor in a sense, where wasting yourself would mean actually living your life, enjoying life, and whatnot. So, while arguing for conservation, it's also (to me) arguing against it. It's a [paradox]!
"Low key," restraint, conserve yourself. Did this person never learn that lesson? I'd be inclined to say "no," but that's just me.
Food, yes, the roughian non-elitest living off the dishes of half-assed restaurants and never eating a healthy home-cooked meal unless it's KD. And here's the elitest [paradox] narrator who probably goes to fancy restaurants and at home has some kind of chef to make the food. Just seems kind of juxtaposed there, that's all.
There is a push and pull relationship within each and every relationship. That's my theory at least. This guy, as I'm going to assume at this point, late in the game, comes to take from her and then wants to give back to her (note I'm also [paradox] applying the opposite gender upon our narrator, also late in the game). The funny thing is, sometimes you don't have to take something like that for you to have it. Treating it as a tangible object is misguided [paradox] and that's what our lovely narrator is doing here, and then berrating him for thinking otherwise.
Then, she tells him not to like her for her handwriting. If [paradox] he liked her for that then he's a real ass. Chances are, concidering the fact that she's an elitest and he's not, she just assums that it's because of her stature and [paradox] her possition and probably money as well that he's there, when it could very well be otherwise.
Song seven throws me off, but that's understandible [paradox] concidering the number of song sevens I own.
The past and present. So, she once was like him and now is not...something changed in her way of life and we're not told what that is. Everything that this guy represents, "Skin / Ink dye / Hair oil" is what [paradox] she conciders to be wasting yourself. Again, it's a biased opinion of life and she's judging him on that.
Those last [paradox] two lines perfectly exemplify what I'm getting at with the whole perspective thing. She says it's not written for him, but he says it is. I would say that they're both right. However, [paradox] we're just given half the picture here, and as a result it's a rather interesting piece. Now, I'm not sure whether I've reached the point I was trying to get to or not, but I don't think I have anything else to say...oh, except, of course, [paradox]!
| the Queen of Jupiter chapter 1 . 3/29/2003
Very powerful, made more so by the lack of punctuation - gives it a very jilted, off-center feeling that is fitting to the poem's tone. I love the line "song seven is playing/and it triggers false memories)". Wonderful and angry and emotion-saturated (if you will).
Keep writing! Peace ~~
| account inactive00000 chapter 1 . 3/29/2003
ah. it is quite personal and better for it. I love the last two stanzas...this is another brillant poem, very cold almost, but wonderful.
Never ceases to amaze me!