Hey Kelster, back for more before bed! *G* Thought I'd give you the odd technical comment (not pore over the entire thing in acute detail, as I am inclined to do with things I read, since this is only a wittle review). Warning, this will be a long review! *shuts up about non-reviewing stuff*

-Despite all that happened, I still think that everything that happened was our own fault.- Strike out the second 'that happened', you only need one! I suppose you could say 'Despite it all, I still think that everything that happened...' but whatever takes your fancy :)

-He tasted after the red wine he was drinking- Should be 'He tasted of the red...' Or 'He tasted like the red...'

-Lyce and I were only halfway our second bottle of rosé.- Should be '...only halfway through our second...' or '...only halfway into our second...'

-...and I knew Willen ever since I could walk.- Maybe instead, '...and I had known Willen...'

-I was looking forward to the applying of these theory lessons next year.- 'I was looking forward to applying these theory lessons next year.' Or 'I was looking forward to the application of t hese theory lessons next year.'

-'...but her sense of presence was merely… overwhelming.' I think you should take out the 'sense of', because to me it doesn't seem to make sense.

Just one more general point. Quite a few times so far in the story, your narrator has said, 'I suppose I should...' to the reader. Perhaps you can find a new way of saying this same thing, so that there isn't so much repetition. My creative writing lecturer told us that newer writers (e.g. generally unpublished people who aren't yet 40 *g*) do things like that quite often without realising it (I know I do with my stories). So anyway...that's just something I noticed.

As for positive comments, I love your descriptions - one that really struck me was the description (not just physical but personality-wise as well) of Lyce.

I think this is good: -Did I already tell you that it was after midnight? And about the taste of wine on Evan’s lips? - It dragged me back to where we had been before the flashbacks, and for me at least that was necessary. You gave a bit of repeated info but not so much that it sounded repetitive. So that was good! *pats Kelly* :P

And this: -Evan was doing some Math study I kept forgetting the name of- Yes, I would be forgetting too! Bah, just bad at maths *g*

Ok, finally finished reading this chapter (it was long esp. for a tired gal like me *S*) and I am really excited about reading more. I will do so tomorrow I would say, due to my days off *g*

I realized I hadn't even reviewed the story, so I decided to just pick Ch.16 because I'm done. This is a nicely written novel, although I feel it was somewhat rushed torwards the end. Other problems include a few grammical errors spreaded throughout the story, and I also believe the elements in the story are neglected. Overall, it's suprisingly intense in some parts, and suspenseful. I like that, if I were to sum the story up in one word: intense. Congratulations Eden, you have a nice little story here, I beg you work on it some more and perfect it though.

Ok well I have read the first chapter...and I am itching to read more, but it's 11:26 pm and I have to get up in 7 and a bit hours, and for ME, that is NOT A NICE THOUGHT. *g* But anyway...this is very enticing so far. Talk about a bloody thunderhead of dread hangin' over your reader's head! *g* Very well done. Will give more feedback later when I have more time.