Reviews for The forces that lie within
The Shade Enclave chapter 15 . 4/28/2004
We enjoyed your story very much. Your use of imagery is astounding. We can almost see the places as we read. Please update soon!
l. fayette chapter 13 . 4/26/2004
This is really good, update soon.
.:*Lady Fayette*:.
FoolishBeloved chapter 15 . 4/17/2004
I know you said you lost inspiration for this bit could you PLEASE find just a little bit more to squeeze out a few more chapters? please?
An Inside Joke chapter 2 . 3/28/2004
Kind of fast, but it has potential.
Demosthenes Tecumseh chapter 1 . 3/25/2004
I understand you're trying to set a tone, but doing it in this way is a technique that really only works in television and movies. I think a short prologue like this just ends up feeling...well, unnecessary, in a work of fiction. Inconsequential to the plot, perhaps.
Anyway, on to read the first chapter.
Alliekatze chapter 15 . 7/8/2003
Wonderful, in depth plot, lifelike characters, great descriptions. This story has color. It's a wonderful work of art. The only things I feel that were wrong were some spelling mistakes, and the use of second person once or twice. Besides that, you're doing a magnificent job!
charmee chapter 15 . 6/23/2003
Wow, those are HUGE spaces...check your formatting. But I guess it's not your fault. Stupid technical computer thingies.

Please check for punctuation.

Um, you need more expression in this one. It feels different. It sounds a bit flat. Did you rush through it?
charmee chapter 14 . 6/16/2003
Please proofread for punctuation errors.

Alright, so you have the basic idea of what you want to say. Now make the reader FEEL the character's emotions, pains, bliss.

ohohohoh! "Something much more sinister." That sentence, using poetic devices, is really effective. I like it. It sounds a bit weird in the beginning, but still, I like it. I really really like it!

Ok, obviously Laina is the smarter one. Always the women. Aush isn't very bright, is he? One would expect him to try to keep out of trouble, what with the situations he deals with at home.

Ahem. Nice Scheme. At least they got away. Actually, this scheme has been used many times by authors, playwrites, and filmmakers.
Scythe de Zaran chapter 15 . 6/15/2003
Hmm... hm... interesting. Lack of words at the moment. I'll just have to write more comments next time. Don't worry. It's all good.
VenusAngel731 chapter 1 . 6/12/2003
darksorceress i have read your whole story and i must say i enjoyed it TONS. i am looking forward to read more after the army reaches the wizards house. please keep writing (",)

~*~ VenusAngel731~*~
MelodyReiterLee chapter 15 . 6/3/2003
Good. _ The beginning is sorta funny. Hehe.
TDL chapter 15 . 6/1/2003
Very good. That IS a very long name, and a tongue twister too. hehe. Haliha seems very intuitive, she's a good match for the slightly shy Dhamrak. )But one thing does bother me about this. What leader in their right mind would leave their men alone and unattented, especially when said men have no special loyalty to their leader?

Just a thought.

Keep up the good work! )

~Tabitha, The Mad Hatter
Yanagi chapter 13 . 5/28/2003
I'm going dizzy but still... I will go on reading. XD

Go Aush's necklace! :D
Yanagi chapter 10 . 5/28/2003
*ish confused* T_T Aush's sister is a demon? No wait... it said that it was some sort of projection thingie... but now she got his necklace and she wants to steal something? *_*
TDL chapter 14 . 5/25/2003
Oh so cool! I love Laina's little panic attack, that was kinda funny. hehehe. Please, do continue.

~Tabitha, The Mad Hatter
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