I HATE dis story! One of d worst i've ever read. Wat were u thinking. I felt disgust for jon wen he slept wit celia and even more disgust fot annette wen she lost her virginity jst like dat! She's d weakest character i've ever come across in a story...she has notin special in her. Loving som1 like dat is tiresome. I seriously HATE DIS STORY. I stopped at chapt 15 and jst skipped to d end wasnt worth my time anymore really disspointing.

Kia ora,

I realise that this was posted years ago, so you're probably never going to read this, but I felt I should review anyway.

I hate to be a cow, but there are a lot of issues with this story so far...

When we first 'meet' Jonathon he had green eyes, yet in this chapter he had blue; I keep a separate document with all the basic info for my characters (physical description, age etc) in case I forget something - it's not a big error, but it's sloppy and gives the impression that you're not concentrating on your writing.

'They had decided to name their daughter the same as she because the same riveting blue eyes that both mother and daughter shared' - the 'both mother and daughter shared' part of this sentence is totally redundant. You've already stated that they have the 'same riveting blue eyes', therefore you're just repeating yourself, which just makes for an annoyed reader.

"Oh," Celia feigned interest, "Y-you're going somewhere together?" - why would Celia be feigning interest? We know she's got the hots for him, so to me she would DEFINITELY be interested in him asking Annette to a concert; do you get what I mean?

There's heaps more, but I'm not going to be mean and point them all out. I'm sure your writing has improved heaps since you wrote this, but the point I'm trying to get across here is that you need to be way more concise and tighten your writing up; lots of little mistakes add up and just make one big headache for someone trying to read the story - I hate to say it, but I'm not particularly inclined to read past this chapter sorry.

Hope you take this constructively; I don't mean it as a flame, I swear.

Mish xx

everythings kind of predictable, and i felt myself getting really annoyed because ofthe lack of depth i guess i would say. theres no real emotion it just poorly xonstructed sentences and dialouge. it doesnt sound/feel real. a good stiry creates a picture in your head but i could do that with this story without getting annoyed.

Honestly, Anne's too whinny for me. Bad, bad. Judging by the published date, I hope your skill mature by the time coz your characters too...boring. So as your sentences. It's too childish for me. Sorry, I'm being honest here. At least make us a character that makes us guessing bout he/she. Make them like a puzzle for us to uncover. Make them all very interesting and mature.

It's wrong to backbitting your friend, even she's a , even you doen't like her/him. Plus it's weird that Annette's easily whinning her father's behaviour to her crush, after met him just for second time. Eventhough she doesn't have friend, no one should act like that.

It's sweet of her to 'give' Johnathan to her friend. I guess it's girls code, we always did something like that if the situation like that happened, even it cost us our heartbroken. And~ I don't like it when she did the last para act. :-/ Playing your own heart.

I've mixed feeling bout this chapter. I found this story in my collection of faves. I like to add of stories when the summary's capture my attention. Leave it for a while before reading it weeks/months later. ; So that I won't lost it. Though, I do go back to it and read it. I... check it first. I do like the story a lil, I will read all the chapters though, no worries there. ;)

I'm surprised she didn't kill herself yet or do some cutting o

hey im just now reading your story and so far its pretty good but i suggest that when your doing something, such as forshadowing, dont tell the reader flat out that its forshadowing. when the time comes the reader will realise that its forshadowing. and if its obvious dont restate it. if you took out the '(she was quoting Celia)' we atill would have known that shes quoting her. if i come across as a rude bitch then im sorry it was just getting on my nerves. i hope it helps in future writing. well im going to keep reading so bye -maddie

oh my gosh. celia seems like bitch. eesh.

i love catch a falling star,

you should totally write a sequel!

v interesting

she goes through all of that and now she's got to be hooked on drugs?

Wow what a way to end a story. Nothing except that so I'm just going to have to imagine what I want to happen I guess. It's a nice ending though. I haven't been on this site in awhile, but I did read it when you updated it. I just now got to reviewing on my favorites. Sorry it's taken so long.

GOOD STORY