|Reviews for Heaven|
| Sweet Calamity chapter 1 . 2/21/2004
Beautiful. I laughed really hard at the end, too. XD The irony is great! Especially since he was a lawyer... *snicker*
Poor guy! Heaven is a scary place. Think about it... Endless, mindless, eternal praising of an imaginary deity, with no life, no imperfection, no possession or endings.
It's sickening, isn't it?
Write more, and thank for you for all of your great reviews! (And you hit the nail on the head in your review for Angel Dust: my family is Pentacostal.)
| E. Griega chapter 1 . 2/17/2004
Oh, man. My ribs hurt now. I love irony, and this definately hit that spot right on the money. Am I mixing metaphors? Oh, well. This reminds me of Peter David a bit...he's my favorite author, so I suppose that's high praise. XD Hmm...couldn't find anything really wrong with it. As a side note, I love the word "languorously." Or am I thinking of "fangoriously?" *shrug* Okay, that's it for me tonight! More later!
| godawful teen-angst poetry chapter 1 . 7/28/2003
*snickers* how great...no watch me go there, lol. The last paragraph is perfect; the first I wasn't so crazy about, but whatever. Maybe if you had the man thinking to himself instead of talking to himself...idk. For the most part the tone seemed right on. *gives cheesy thumbs up sign*
thanks for all of your reviews...I love people who leave lots of reviews!
| Werecat99 chapter 1 . 5/2/2003
I think this was perfect. I loved your description of 'heaven'. Very fitting for a lawyer, hehe.
Good work, I liked it a lot.
| Ada Kensington chapter 1 . 4/19/2003
I liked that very much. Maybe you should have added the second genre "humor" to this short story, as it made me laugh several times. Possibly, that was not your original intent, but it was fucking funny in several places.
However, there was one little problem:
"They were. interesting. Very. twisted." Shouldn't there be ellipsis in there somewhere?
Apart from that, everything was wonderful - and I especially like the bitterness you have for pious idiots that comes across in this. We share a common bond, my friend!
- Ada K.
| Yubikiri chapter 1 . 4/14/2003
The change between the first paragraph of the story itself and the second is rather abrupt. Since he is talking to himself, perhaps that first paragraph should be in italics to give setting like a play so it's not so jarring.
The punctuation on "They were. interesting. Very. twisted." likewise confuses me-should there be ellipses in there? Beware random capitalization and odd usage of punctuation. Since the last paragraph returns to the narrative voice, it should also be set off with italics or something. Nicely done!