Reviews for Brother Sun, Sister Moon |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Werecat...this is so disturbingly different! The only thing I can say is that I wish the entries were a bit longer. But for your style of writing it fits perfectly for the story you are telling. I like the entries of Aurion, I love to see the human side of someone with suh power and you show him to be fallible and very very human. Well done...gonna go read some more now! Darwin |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh! Interesting start! You're stories were recommended to my by LoK and then you were kind enough to grace my own story and I thought I would return the favor! I want to read more, unfortunately it will not be now as I have to get to work! Very good so far...will review as I go! Darwin |
![]() ![]() ![]() Not sure about Sermolenus. Firstly his name sounds a little bit like "semolina", secondly I'm not sure if he's not too OTT icky. An amoral, irreligious murdering priest who is *also* a colossal sexual pervert is getting too close to charicature for comfort - or at least for my comfort. Were I a kneejerk bleeding heart liberal, I'd also note that this character portrays homosexuality in a *very* bad light, but in general I'm inclined to accept that homosexuals have as much right to be evil psycho bastards as anybody else. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Umm... pierced his heart? How on earth is he still alive? Or are necromancers far **far** tougher than normal men? |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm not sure if this chapter isn't a bit out of place. It *almost* works, and had it been an Aurion interjection it could have worked far better. I think the big problem is that the demons are a perfectly good mystery, and having a sudden plot dump mars that a little. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh, I almost forgot to add that I think that you should try and publish this. |
![]() ![]() ![]() THE worst thing that could happen, did. I'm sort of angry with Talanion, he should be happy that Nefertarin is no longer in the void, but he's overcome by mad jealosy. This can only end badly, but you're a sly one and now I have no choice but to check back for a new chapter ever day because I want to know how the story ends, it's so exciting. Not to mention, now we know exactly when the story will end from Aurion's last chapter. Took 70 chapters, but still good. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hmm... deep one-ish. Again there's nowt wrong wi' Lovecraft. Once again it strikes me that there's something a bit lacking about the actual fight. It seems like these demons are just kind of hanging around and waiting to be cursed or cut, one would have thought that they could have just swarmed our heroes. On the "not calling on the gods too often" aspect. On the one hand I like this, on the other hand it seems to me as if you might be using it the wrong way around here. She quite willingly calls on the Lord of Death when fighting the bandits who, one could assume, she would be able to handle relatively easily, yet she shies from calling him to help her fight the big nasty demons. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ah, you tricked us by saying that 'one person will die in the next chapter' and it was only the High Priest (who I hate so much). The only problem I have is Talanion's insanity and the fact everybody said,'It's just a ritual,'and left it at that instead of explaining right from the beginning what was happening, why, and how it meant nothing (not in this case, but usually), and I think some bloodshed would be saved. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Holy *! The cliff-hanger to end all cliff-hangers! |
![]() ![]() ![]() That's sweet, though a bit lustful. I'm really really afraid of what Talanion will do when he hears about this. I'm actually sort of surprised about Nefertarin's thoughts on Aurion, though. |
![]() ![]() ![]() There's something that doesn't entirely sit right with me about the battle scene, and I'm not entirely sure what it is. I think it might just be that it's a bit short, which leaves it a bit lacking in tension. The Dorian party doesn't seem to be particularly threatened by the attack, which is not nessecarily a problem, but it does mean that the sortie doesn't seem to be in much danger. |
![]() ![]() ![]() No, why did Lekinus have to die? He was nice! I feel sorry for him, everyone thinks he's stupid, his wife cheated on him, and he doesn't even appear to like being a king much. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Sorry I haven't reviewed in so long. Just wanted to say that there need to be more fantasy knigs who die as a result of badger related accidents. |
![]() ![]() ![]() The story is still good so far, but I really really want to learn what the prophecy and you tend to basicly have several chapters on the same thing. First several chapters about Talanion being guilty, then lots and lots of sex, which is good and fine but tiring after a while. |