|Reviews for The War|
| charmed03 chapter 7 . 2/21/2005
oh my God! that such a sweet and poignant story! i'm crying right now too! *sighs* man i am so glad i decided to look in the history category today! i'm also very anxious to see how it would all work out - i hope this story has a good ending - PLEASE let it have a good ending! there seems to be a lot of foreshadowings on death and all...
update SOON! it's a really great story! and your writing is very poetic too!
| aims80 chapter 7 . 11/26/2004
I've only just come across this story and I've read it all in one sitting. I really like it, you're a very good write. Keep up the good work. :)
| EarthDaughter chapter 1 . 10/2/2004
This is great! I love it! Your writing is excellent and everything is very historically accurate. Keep it up!
| Madison L chapter 1 . 8/4/2004
Good work. Interesting idea, as I've yet to see anything quite like that. It's not glorified, which I like. Your characters are human.
If you see fit, I've got a Civil War story that would love to be reviewed. Trust me, I asked it.
| R.M.Whitaker chapter 6 . 7/10/2004
You know one of the things I realy like about this story? I like that you keep everyone so Moral and stuff, I mean, it's the Civil war and that's how things realy were! Most people would make something bad of Murial and James living in the same cabbin and stuff, but you keep to the behavior necissary for the time period, I realy like that! Keep up the good work!
*Will Ingalls is being updated*
| R.M.Whitaker chapter 7 . 7/7/2004
It's me again. *sniffle* this is just so sad! I MUST know what happens next!
P.S. Don't forget to check out my story, William Ingalls. It's nowhere near as good as yours is, but I could always use some advise!
| R.M.Whitaker chapter 1 . 7/7/2004
Wow...WOW! This story so ROCKS! But the end is so sad! :(
Is there a sequal? If not, is there going to be? That's CAN'T be the end!
| GodsLilBookWorm chapter 7 . 6/25/2004
This was so good. is ther going to be a sequal? if there is can you e-mail me when you post the first chapter. I loved this so much.
| SomeGhol chapter 2 . 6/21/2004
Aww, I thought this was going to be very interesting until about midway through the chapter.
Don't you think it would have been better to have the two come down on different sides when it comes to slavery?
And Jame's little speach wasn't exactly authentic. Anyone in the South at that time, no matter what their opinion of slavery was, would have understood that slavery wasn't just an economic system, it was also a method of controling the majority of the black population.
I'm not even going to get into the wage slaves who were trapped in the North at this time, because you haven't really get into that.
Also, for future reference it my interest you that the majority of slaves in 1860 were owned by other slaves. This was because a slave might earn enough money to buy his freedome, but being a smart individual he'd buy his wife or child, and work again to buy his own freedome. If you like I can give you a fairly decent overview of the whole system.
The action of the first chapter was nice. The inital combat drew me in, but the unlikely situation that developed in the second really struck a blow to the time and place.
Incidentilly, when is this set? Where? All of that would be relivent to people's thoughts and feelings. For instance, a Confederate soldier in 1862 would probably be more tolerent of a Yankee soldier than the same man two years later. The difference being time in combat and seeing the destruction that the federal armies brought to the civilian population.
| someone's sideshow chapter 7 . 6/12/2004
I was looking through your reviews, and I guess I haven't reviewed your work before, even though I read your story and loved it. I found it in a search for Civil War related stuff, as that is what I write about. I really liked this story. You're a very talented writer. I love seeing such a unique storyline, unlike a lot of others (including mine, lol) which are overdone to a point. Well, what can I say? Good work.
| GodsLilBookWorm chapter 3 . 6/4/2004
This is good so far. I am a Civil War buff. I like how you brought a northern woman together with a southern man.
| lronMaiden chapter 3 . 5/28/2004
WELL! Sorry it's been so long but i had major troubles with computers and the story and gr...but it's all back to nrmal and i'll try to post regularly.
this chapter is where the actual story begins and some things are explained - sort of like setting it up for the rest. It's another great chapter, but I say that everytime...and there's nothing to criticise - except maybe advising you to break up huge slabs of dialogue? but...that's it. all else is perfect to me.
| lronMaiden chapter 2 . 4/30/2004
your research is starting to show here, but in a subtle way, which is always better than your novel being like a text book. I'm getting to know the characters better now through their conversation and how they say it. Also, brilliant research! hehe
ps. do you know anything about the type of stoves and ovens used in the 1840's?
| lronMaiden chapter 1 . 4/28/2004
hehe, very amusing and interesting. I love James's arrogance, its gives him character. Muriel is Irish isn't she? She certainly isn't an American lady, that's for sure.
The chapter works really well to introduce the characters and show their personalities without the usual boredom that i see on fictionpress. I love the opening scene with the shooting and such, i can picture it so well. One thing you need to work slightly on is the tags on your dialogue. For example:
"He nodded. "Yes Miss I did. I couldn't very well leave you out there to die. I told you I'd compromise," he said."
"She rolled her eyes. "In your opinion perhaps," she muttered."
If you have "he nodded" before the dialogue, you don't need the "he said" afterwards, and vice versa. This went on for a little while and got quite a bit distracting.
Also, the large sections of dialogue between Muriel and James sounds forced, and not their own words. Try breaking it down a little. i'd also suggest James NOT saying what he had been taught, but rather SHOWING it throughout the story. Perhaps at this stage just hint at it by having him say "you're a strange woman, never met anyone like you"
You've raid some things on writing haven't you? For instance that writing "he said/she said" is the best way to go? Yes, I've read that too but do NOT follow that rule. It annoys me and it annoys my readers cos it gets too repetitive. I don't use long, weird words, but other words none the less. i tend to mix them up through the novel so the reader doesn't notice.
But that's about it so far. Excellent so far, one of the best - if not THE best - stories on fictionpress. I love historicals and will be back to read more definitally.
| passion101 chapter 7 . 3/25/2004
oh gosh, that was so sad! I'm crying right now...ugh, i'm such a hopeless romantic. Anyway, this story is so great! It's actually a relief to be reading such a great story. I've been reading others that just aren't satisfying, but this is just great. Oh, they have to meet again soon!