|Reviews for Legend of Zaykrion|
| L. Sweet chapter 4 . 8/25/2006
I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't like this piece of work. However, that's just personal preference. I am rather picky with my favourites, you see. Though this is, in essence, a good plotline, it is rather predictable. I know that the 'mysterious cloaked woman' will have something to do with the past. However, strangely, so do the characters. Why would Dorian think that the girl he remembers was the woman, even if it does seem obvious to us?
Another thing I have a problem with is the description. No, I'm not saying it was badly done. I'm not saying that it wasn't good. It's just that the 'goodies' seem beautiful and the 'baddies' seem ugly. And a tip for the future: Don't base it on their eye and hair colour so much. Try adding some little details such as tangled hair, pale skin, freckled nose, long legs, bitten nails. It just makes it a lot more interesting.
And I still don't know anything about other characters' pasts. Some dreams, memories, even resort to flashbacks to get in some quality past. You can learn a lot about a character in a dream without even having a description.
These are all tips you might like to consider when writing future chapters. I don't mean to scold you at all, just give you a few hints.
The story did have it's good points though. The names of the countries were very interesting, and the story at the beginning of the unholy crown was also intriguing. I'd like to find out more about this.
Also, you wrote it well, not skipping out a day or so and replacing it with a 'the next day passed uneventfully' or something similar as too many authors do.
The names too were good. Kyrae, Seth, and all the others. Also, another tip or two: It makes it interesting to base names on a word that describes them, or something to do with them. Like for a Water Guardian, perhaps Aquatia or something that sounds to do with Water. Another is: If you want mystery around a character such as the mcw (mysterious cloaked woman) then don't include them in character descriptions!
Please don't take offence at anything I have said as I meant it in a friendly way. I shall check this story again some time.
| Moonlight Tigress chapter 4 . 10/12/2005
i meant to review this before... but the net dropped out on me...
so... here goes.
i loved it, i love the mystery of all these characters, and i really, really, REALLY hope you continue this soon!
| Moonlight Tigress chapter 3 . 8/22/2005
yay! i finished anohter chapter!
damn i wish i had more time for this story! this is just great!
you are too good for words... and i can see all this really clearly in my mind too! very cool!
dont worry, ill be back to read the last chapter soon enough! see ya!
| Moonlight Tigress chapter 1 . 7/3/2005
sorry... just one more thing i forgot to ask...do you know someone who goes by the name P.M?
| Moonlight Tigress chapter 2 . 7/3/2005
nice... you've really created these characters well!and the places! its just amazing!i wish i could read more, but im a bit busy... i cant wait to though! :)
| Secretive chapter 2 . 7/19/2003
This story is SOO good! Keep updating!
| The Child of The Potted Plant chapter 2 . 7/19/2003
Cool story. I like the idea.
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/31/2003
Very good. I like the set up for this world, it should be interesting. _