Reviews for More Than You'd Think
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 29 . 7/14/2012
I don't like that he didn't tell them. He didn't have any real reason not too, and you don't give us a reason either. We feel cheated.

I like how Josh is finally coming out about the abuse, though, it gives his character more backbone.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 28 . 7/14/2012
I don't like that you've kept his real age away from us this whole time, because I don't think it works with first person POV. We're in his mind. Wouldn't it come up?

I like the awkward sandwich scene, and how they aren't hungry, because it fitss the circumstances. They're probabl too stressed to be hungry, haha.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 27 . 7/14/2012
I like how you don't go all in-depth about the trial, because trials are boring shit, and it would bring the momentum to a complete halt.

I don't like his dad's character. He's too evil and stuff to be believable. He needs some strengths to make him more balanced.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 26 . 7/14/2012
I don't get the point of the dinner scene. Whatever he wanted to do, he coulda just done it at court, and why does Josh want to go? It doesn't make sense to me.

And Kay's outburst seems pretty forced. He's way too composed and self-satisfied for anybody in a frustrating situation. The arguement's too black and white. People are usually more pissed off afterwards than happy, especially when there isn't a winner.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 25 . 7/14/2012
I don't like the way you show his father. He seems creepy, with the phone calls and all that, and I don't think that's your intention. Josh's father is wierd enough, having Kay's wierd makes it seem you have something against fathers.

I love the creepy woman watching him. It's funny, without ruining the tension or stopping the momentum. Haha.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 24 . 7/14/2012
I don't know why they go visit Claudia. She's a bitch, and neither of them like her, so why visit her?

I like how you show both sides of the arguement. You show Josh as being overly dramatic, and Kay as being a jerk about it. It helps show that what's happening is both of their faults, which it should be.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 23 . 7/14/2012
I don't understand the transtion from the angry tone to the "we're going to win!" part. It's good that they get over it, but it's so overly happy, so going from one extreme to the other is odd.

I love that Josh does the weed, and Kay's reaction. I really like how Josh is getting more and more messed up through this whole story, especially when it's told through Kay's POV, because Kay notices it without really absorbing it, and it's really interesting.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 22 . 7/14/2012
I like how he cheats on Josh and gets Claudia pregnant, haha, because it's obvious the relationship's falling apart, and this is a good definite plot point to reflect that.

I'd like some hints of it in the last few chapters. Since this is first person, and we're effectively in the characters' heads, wouldn't Kay have thought about it some?
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 21 . 7/14/2012
I think the scene with the cutting (And all of a sudden I'm aware of everything. The bloody droplets of saline hitting the floor. Exactly how hard Josh is shaking) is so beautiful. It captures the desperation of the situation so well, and it exposes a side to Kay we haven't seen yet.

I didn't like the use of parentheses here, because you haven't used them much in the earlier chapters. So to suddenly use them throughout this one is a bit strange.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 20 . 7/14/2012
I like the foreshadowing that the court thing is coming, when Jack says it. Otherwise it'd be way too sudden for the readers to adjust.

I think there's too many subplots, with Jean and Jason and Johnny-it's pretty distracting and hard to keep track of, and things happen a little too fast.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 19 . 7/14/2012
I like how Lex isn't late on purpose. It'd be too dramatic for her to not show up, but it'd be anticlimactic for everything to go fine.

I also like how Kay doesn't like talking about feeling or anything, because it balances Josh out nicely. Two angsty characters would be too many, haha.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 18 . 7/14/2012
I like the development of the abuse. It's good that you waited to bludgeon us with the details, and the timing's perfect now for it.

I don't like the emphasis on Jean's leaving. It's a big deal, but everybody's way too worked up about it. I don't think the drama fits the situation.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 17 . 7/14/2012
I like how you describe Josh and Kay from Johnny's point of view; it adds good depth to their characters, and it's good to change things up.

But I don't like how he watches them have sex. It doesn't develop the conflict, and Johnny's not that much of a central character, so he doesn't really need the development.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 16 . 7/14/2012
I like how Josh uses sex to manipulate Kay into letting Johnny stay. It'd work well, since Kay is so horny 24/7, and Josh is smart, and desperate, haha.

I feel like Kay is oddly resistant. I don't hink you show why he doesn't want Johnny there. He forced Josh to stay and he doesn't want some little kid there? It seems harsh, even for him.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 15 . 7/14/2012
I like Johnny here. It was something you sorta hinted at earlier, so it's nice to bring that part back into the picture, to avoid loose ends.

I don't like the Jean/Lex drama here. With all the other stuff going on, it isn't really relevant, and there isn't quite enough of them in the plot earlier for the readers to care.
419 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 12 .. Last Next »