Reviews for More Than You'd Think
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 14 . 7/14/2012
It's a bit early in the relationship for a falling-out, eh? In reader time, they haven't been together long, so there's little impact when things go wrong.

I love Josh's meltdown-it's just enough immature, and he is a kid, so it's realistic- but kay hitting him is a little forced. Maybe show his frustration better?
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 13 . 7/14/2012
I don't like how his father lets him stay there so easily. It's unexpected, and the time jump only makes it more obvious. I don't think it fits the character.

I love the "but it quickly becomes apparent that it wasn't a scream, just part of the stream of angry words." I've had a concusion before, haha, and it makes all the noises really loud and mush together, like here. I think it adds nicely to the effect when you don't say what he's screaming.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 12 . 7/14/2012
I feel like the words "show me" come up too often. Repetition is good, but I don't think these are quite strong enough to benefit from it. And what's he showing him, anyway?

I like the sex scene, since you show the pain well, and yeah, first-time butt sex would hurt like... like fuck, eh.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 11 . 7/14/2012
Love this: "This time, it's spitefully curled itself up into a tight, painful knot. Fucking Courtland. Fucking stomach. I console myself that my discomfort is better than Josh's expression would be if I let it all spill out, and indirectly begin to picture black tar bubbling forth over my lips." Great job giving emotion through physical reactions.

It seems like the dialogue is a bit awkward, whenever things get a little sexy. "Show me..." it doesn't sound natural, a little forced, with a lot of elipses.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 10 . 7/14/2012
I LOVE the truckers reactions, haha. It's nice to have friendly, non-rapist truckers for a change, and I like how they start off intimidating and then turn nice.

I feel like his dad's reaction is a bit forced, though. Like it isn't quite in his character. I can see him hitting, but the rape-y part seems OOC, especially since he hasn't been pervy before this.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 9 . 7/14/2012
I love how Josh denies his fathers abuse, and tries to justify it. I think a lot of people make it too black-and-white, and don't take into account how kids that grow up in those households GROW UP in that environment. Realistic. Nice.

I'd like more development of Kay's reaction. He seems concerned, yeah, but you don't give (much) internal monologue about it. I feel like it should be a bit more extreme.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 8 . 7/14/2012
I love how Josh fell out of the car. It helped show he was nervous, and it was cute, LOL.

It was kinda wierd, though, how his father was more concerned with him being late than him making out with a guy on the porch... from the point of view of a homophobic father, I'd be a little more concerned with my sons gayness.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 7 . 7/14/2012
I like how you introduce his father's richness here, haha. It seems natural enough, and it's something that'll be important later, so best to get that out of the way.

I don't really like the whole thing with his mother-Josh's life is kinda crappy already, and having his mother dead is a bit of overkill, and sorta irrelevant.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 6 . 7/14/2012
Don't like this line: "—oshua Courtland, sixteen years old, lives exactly twelve minutes from the school he attends on a hopefully regular basis. Stands at 5'7", weighs in at about 130 pounds, blushes frequently and introduces himself over and over when he feels threatened or has his highly strung nerves racked." I can't picture somebody actually saying it in real life.

Love how he blanks out, and you don't put emphasis on it. It's good subtle development of his character. He clearly has emotional issues, and I like that you don't come out and say it.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
Don't like how he's writing their names in his notebook. It comes off a little... creepy and stalkerish. Heehee. Awkward...

But I think it's sweet that Kay calls him "baby". D'aww. It fits his personality, too, he's almost condescending about his relationships, so the pet names work.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 5 . 7/14/2012
HURR. Let's try this again.

I love Josh's awky phone convo. It fits great with his character, and he's so cute and overexcited, haha.

I find it hard to understand why Kay likes Josh. I mean, he's sweet to readers, but in real life he'd come of as annoying. So he'd hafta be SUPER SEXY MANMEAT to compensate or somethin.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 3 . 7/14/2012
UGH. I can't do this. Something about reviewing stories that I like, and trying to give concrit, upsets me.


I like Jean and Lex. I don't know any lesbians personally, haha, but I hope they all act like that, because they're hilarious.

I think Kay's narration is great, too-with the dry humor. There's just enough narration to get the pacing just right.

Bleh. Check out review marathon, link in my profile.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 2 . 7/14/2012
Er, hi again.

I like the table of nosy girls, because it's so much like what high school cliques are like, haha.

The part where Josh is staring at Kay is a little weird though, because I'm not sure how his sister knew immediately what he was staring at, and figured out he was gay from that.
Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
HI FROM REVIEW MARATHON. I AM REVIEWING NOW. hurr. See link in profile for details.

1 LIKE AND WHY! Okay, uh... I love the description of Josh, because it's so sad, and it makes me want to hug him, and it makes me Kay to hug him, and yeah. Creates... character... empathy. That's it.

1 DISLIKE AND WHY! Shit, hang on. The whole last-chapter-as-a-prologue thing works well somties, but I think it's confusing at this point, because nobody knows where they are and why there's an airport and what even happened here? Heehee. So, I mean, maybe edit it to make more accomodating as an opening.
Nicholas Scott chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
Oh my God...I'm time travelling after just having read your latest and then to come back to the beginning. Your prologue is devastating! Absolutely divinely painfully devastating. My toes are curling on the email rung of the pool chair just thinking about it. You're an evil vixen and I dearly love it... Now n to chapter 1.
419 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 13 .. Last Next »