Reviews for Dual Megami
Rosie Seifuku chapter 20 . 10/13/2004
w00t! getting closer and closer to the best part of the book! the real beginning, at least in my opinion. bring it on!
i love seeing my little influences...and i want to edit more!
kamui-kun chapter 17 . 5/14/2004
Well, once again I never thought that anybody could make an episode about an old drunken lady and her disorganized thoughts and behaviors and still make it good! Nice work once again on this chapter. Great flow with all those funny inserts and stuff, especially the barfing sequence! )

Well, I kinda like the drunken Shawna side a bit. Sure this new nature of hers would do little in serious battles and stuff but I think that she'll do wonderfully in casual conversation and everyday life. She's a lot more fun this way with all these pent up desires released in a very agressive manner. Plus, for once we see the child in her - although kinda irritating but cute nonetheless. ) I hope she gets drunk again soon! )

Yey! New and old enemies conniving! That mysterious winged creature in the mirror seems to be a very dangerous figure. I dunno if she's bad or good... but I fear that it spells trouble for the Megami warriors. Is she another dimension to Moni-chan or is it a different person? And what does the empty sword sheath mean? Mysteries galore!

Ah... Evil team Mitsurugi's finally gonna attack! Hm... they're kidnapping Setti, right? I dun think it would be that easy at all. Anyway, they have the element of surprise on their hands so... who knows?

Nice work! Keep it up and hope you show more of this Shawna drunken side! )
Rosie Seifuku chapter 17 . 5/6/2004
HAHA horny shawna cracks me up...YES! IM PUBLISHED IN DUAL! i still cant find my scotch tho...excellent chapters, keep going cuz theres a sexy evil lady waiting in the wings...
Angela chapter 16 . 5/1/2004
I love the story, its so creative. Please continue, and UPDATE SOON! or whenever you can.
kamui-kun chapter 16 . 4/25/2004
Well... um... what can I say... um... hehehe ) *naughty grin*... I actually don't know how to comment on these types of chapters... you know... I'm more of a action-typish fella and could give some little itty-bitty comments on romance... but this one really... hehehe... I don't seem to have the right words. _!

Okay, let's start fromt the beginning. Just as always, good character buildup and nice dialogue is your strong points. The casual exchange of insults between Saria and Yoshimido was quite funny and very real in my view. Nice work on that one!

Nice work on the Tabi/Moni/Kagami talk as well. Conversations between protagonists about everyday life really helps the readers to relate with the characters and you've done it to perfection. Nice to know that aside from kicking monster's asses and killing of a few badguys there are still kids and with that they have ordinary lives as well.

Now about the excessive fondling and fanservice scene! ) Hehehe... I'm a guy talking here )! I thought it was an unexpected new twist to your story, never thought that Komatsu was that brave to ask for a date, nor did I expect Shawna to be so... agressive! Hehehe... just thinking what would happen when she turns sober makes me feel sorry for poor pizza boy. _

And Setti! Hm... wow! She really is mature for her age! I admire her logical reasoning. The image of her manhandling Moni is a rare sight nowadays. A really nice character you've created.

Hm... I guess the only suggestion I have is to put break markers between transition of scenes, very very minor. And I wish the fighting would get started on the next chapter! Well... that's it, I guess. Nice work!
Rosie Seifuku chapter 15 . 3/25/2004
augh! too many likes! found one grammatical mistake, you have "hiraKmeki" in one spot and then tabi-chan spells it without the k. god, i forgot how many times kagami said "like." it's enough to drive someone up a frickin wall.
kamui-kun chapter 15 . 2/26/2004
Wow! It's been quite a while since I read the last chapters of your work! Well I guess that you have lots of reasons for this - maybe because you have also a website to maintain (wonderfully crafted if I may add). Anyway, I do hope that my mind still remembers a few things that happened in the last one.

Ah... I guess this is one of those slow days after a vicious battle. Hm... good change of pace and a great time to build up the personalities. The character bondings depicted through your dialogue was very good. It's very casual and friendly which makes the whole chapter very believable and easy to understand. And you were able to add humor to the lot with the short segments of insults and some light slaps and punches - very impressive.

Hm... now I see the where the shoujo-ai elements enters. Hm... I must be either really dense or very short minded since I never noticed the Moni/Kagami pair-up during the past chapters. I'm guessing it's the second one. Hm... interesting but I guess I need more chapters to see how good their relationship would turn out to be.

Some suggestions... I thought that you concentrated too much with the dialogue that you forgot a little imagery. Maybe a little description of the weather and the surroundings would make this much better. Also maybe put some titles on chapters to make it easier to backtrack in case a reader needs to.

Well... that's all for now. All in all, this is an excellent chapter. Catch your next update soon! )
Rosie Seifuku chapter 14 . 2/5/2004
seifuku no of my favorite characters! the editor here, i dont believe i have any critiques since i fixed most of them on this page before it was posted...ttyl moni-chan!
kamui-kun chapter 14 . 12/26/2003
Hm... quite a short chapter... I guess it's either because I was reading a couple of long ones this past few weeks or maybe because you've been preoccupied for the past couple of weeks with revamping your past chapters. Oh well... I guess that the new updates would benefit future readers of your work.
The Moni-chan star flame/demon destroyer attack was cool and original. Such an amazing power from someone still new to the job makes me wonder what others she might have up her sleeves. And using such a dangerous technique makes Moni-chan more admirable than ever before. Kudos for her! :)
Hm... interesting... Shawna's got an inner voice. Seifuku no Megami's really kinda spooky. I wonder if Shawna's capable of dealing with it.
End of part one? Aw... when's part two coming out? Soon I hope? Well... for now I wish you good luck with everything... See ya!
B. Styles chapter 14 . 12/21/2003
huh, good timing...the first episode ends and I'm all out of popcorn...well, I'll just say "it's about damn time!" and go on with my evening. Later : )
Arianna chapter 1 . 11/28/2003
I'm not sure about this.
You need to proofread before you post, run spell check, grammar check or something.
Your characterization and dialogue are not very strong. Have you taken any writing classes? They would help you get some basics down that you need.
Tina chapter 2 . 11/22/2003
all in all this isn't a bad idea...some of the descriptions are redundant and a lot of stuff is cliché, which is generally frowed upon in the publishing world. Keep working on it.
kamui-kun chapter 13 . 11/19/2003
Oh my! This is one action packed chapter you've made. Lots of blood, gore and destruction. Damn! That's bad ass way of redecorating your house! :)

You're quite good in narrating each and every aspect of a fight scene. The moves were well planned and well detailed, making it easy for us readers to visualize the action.

Shawna's the man!... I mean woman! Damn! She can really bring hell to her enemies. I wouldn't want to be on her bad side. She'll probably send me to the hospital in a few secs.

And what the hell's happening with Moni-chan? First she gets possessed and now she's speaking in a different tongue. I can really see things spicing up in your later chappies and I'm excited to know what happens next.

Great job with this chappie. I'll catch the next chappie when it's released. See ya!
Rosie Seifuku chapter 13 . 11/17/2003
getting closer and closer to imminent yay! till we get to see HER *fanfare* nice job moni, but im much more interested in the sexy demons at hand *smirks because shes well informed*
B. Styles chapter 13 . 11/10/2003
ooh, possession...kooky, no? : )
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