|Reviews for Strangers|
| hiram09 chapter 5 . 7/31/2013
As a reader, I'm asking myself in this chapter (5.5), 'if Ken saw something or someone that made him think the people of the town were being asked to ID himself and Kathy, why did he send Kathy back to town to see the same thing instead of just telling her about it? Wouldn't sending her to town only increase their exposure?'
Next; this part argues against itself; "But then the government will be able to use your work to do what they want to do." I protested.
"They could, but with it being common scientific knowledge they probably won't." Kathy explained.
If it's common scientific knowledge, what incentive does a shadowy black-ops government agency have to chase down just two more common scientists? Even if the plot shows an eventual reason for this, Alison is too intelligent to miss this incongruity at this point and would question it, wouldn't she?
" But the fact that our own government would do something like this to it's own people was what really hit me hard." This is an experienced DA attorney; she's shocked by this?
Aims80, I very sincerely apologize if I'm seeming out of line here. I'm of the impression that the whole point of posting here is to get peer feedback, but in the event that I'm only causing you anger or hurt, I will stop reading now and go on to something else unless I get a message from you telling me you want legitimate reader feedback and not just accolades. Although so far your story-line seems quite cliche, I'm sure it is unique and I encourage you to address some character development. I'm sure you didn't mean this to be a finished draft, so I take the liberty to say that. I wish you well with it.
| hiram09 chapter 4 . 7/31/2013
Nope, you're loosing me here in 4.4. Alison is already spooked, Kathy is acting more and more anxious and antsy, Ken walks in, is big and hostile and suspicious. With minimal introduction Kathy grabs her keys and bolts, leaving Alison with a total, hostile stranger and Alison accepts to stay? Even before that, right at the beginning of the chapter, Kathy says, "I don't lie to him so he's going to believe me." Doesn't compute. Then the tension increases even more and Ken asks Alison to "watch the driveway", as if he's expecting trouble. By now Alison should be flying down the road at 100 mph. May I respectfully suggest you find some motivation for Alison to still be there by then. Then Kathy rushes in and says, "If we don't leave in time they'll come here and they'll kill us. And you simply because you're here," and Alison's response is the "sigh and wonder what to do", then let's them commandeer her car, and let's Ken take the wheel. I can see you're trying to get Alison committed here aims80, but this part doesn't read true at all. Kathy and Ken read true enough, just not Alison.
| hiram09 chapter 3 . 7/31/2013
Weak spot here in 3.3 brother (or sister?). Kathy is asking Alison to go to Ken's room and scope out his activity on the computer. Alison needs to wonder here, perhaps even ask Kathy, why Kathy doesn't do it herself. Alison is already a little spooked and is an intelligent woman, so is unlikely to go alone into Ken's room and focus on his computer while Kathy goes looking for "something". I humbly suggest you give this some plot justification. I don't know, perhaps Kathy tells Alison she's totally computer illiterate or something, but even then it would read more true if Kathy accompanied her to Ken's room. Or, Kathy brings the laptop out to Alison in the kitchen and asks her to do this while she goes to "check on" something or some such arrangement.
The plot is building nicely so far aims80. It keeps my interest. I applaud you.
| L'il me chapter 18 . 5/6/2009
OH COME ON. don't leave me hanging!
THAT IS SUCH A GOOD STORY...write. write. write. write.
i shall drill this message into your head...
| g chapter 1 . 4/19/2006
i was just wondering why you never finished this story it seems really good!
| gg chapter 18 . 11/24/2005
please please please you have got to add some more to this bcs i cannot stand the suspense and i just have to know how this ends
| Raven O'Connor chapter 18 . 9/30/2004
Glad to see this updated again. I think I'd agree with Alison. I don't trust this Jim...
| RiverDoe chapter 18 . 9/18/2004
Brilliant story, love the suspense. The characters and plot are both well done, even though it's been a wee while since I've read this, I still remembered what was going on, strange for me, though _
Hey, you know that bit where Ken was talking about techno myths? Well, did you by any chance get that from The Lost World by Micheal Crichton? Becuase I was reading that last night and it had more or less exactly the same paragraph in it. Just wandering. Hope you do continue to update.
| Vrykyl chapter 5 . 4/15/2004
Really good! Love all the mystery. :)
| Raven O'Connor chapter 17 . 3/25/2004
When are you going to continue this? I'm curious the going-ons between Ken and Alison. It's too bad they have to move again. I hope you continue with this story.
| Raven O'Connor chapter 16 . 10/27/2003
Interesting story. I love it! I read the whole thing in one sitting. I hope there'll be more chapters.
| Tiffany chapter 16 . 7/31/2003
great chapter! I love this story. :-)
| PrincessPunky chapter 15 . 7/19/2003
Awesome chapter! :-)
| IrishTea chapter 2 . 7/18/2003
hey! I love this story so far! Especially since i want to be a DA when I'm older. Are you one or know anything about them? Well, I cant wait to finish what u've written so far. (PS. ur a great author)
| PrincessPunky chapter 14 . 7/17/2003
Great chapter! Is Kathy really going to leave? Hum...I wonder what is going to happen. Please update soon! :-)