|Reviews for Summer Solitaire|
| Obake-chan chapter 1 . 7/1/2003
I'm still here...
OO. Icarus(though I've always read his name as Icarius. Read carefully, All Mental No Physical Being. ...Ih?) comes out in the beginning of Varekai. Ish cool.
The way you put it all in lower case shows more emotion. Solitarity? For me, that's what I felt.
My favorite would be I/. Sand. Untalented grains. Very exact in the way the stick to you. Or anyone.
| Impressionist chapter 1 . 6/28/2003
wonderful. you paint pictures with words, and if more people could do what you can, this world would be a more beautiful place.
| Zero Shriver chapter 1 . 6/27/2003
I like this piece.
"...and perhaps there never will be enough glory..."
"...there is no stopping the sun as it turns
even shadows into burns..."
"...there are just the untalented
grains of sand making imprints
on your knees..."
Last line gives a feeling of slight beach surreality. And the shadows into burns bit. "Untalented grains of sand", reminds me of the way sand so crudely imprints ones skin.
| A.J.Peart chapter 1 . 6/16/2003
If you're imitating someone's style, as you say you are (and which I will blindly believe), I haven't got a clue who it is. Maybe I've just yet to come across it in my readings. Who knows.
I'm thinking it might be time for a "review rampage" of sorts, where I'll just sort of run down the list from top to bottom until I'm tired of typing or run out of things to say (for the time being). I figure it's only fair that I do so, since I haven't in such a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time... or so it feels. I actually can't remember the last time. For that, I am sorry. Luckily, there is always time to fix some mistakes!
Alright, I'll take my time with these, and see if I can manage to get them all being nice and long and rambunctious!
Icarus, indeed a somewhat common character in poetry and one that I have not used yet but can see myself using sometime in the future. You've used him quite interestingly in that it's a metaphor as apposted to the actual character...i think...hm... anywho, Icarus I would assume is some guy that is being desired in this poem; he apparently is a guy who strives or strove for something out of reach, or fool-hardy, and in doing so wound up losing his possition in a fragile thingamabobber which was/will be then lost as well. Now, I know that's wordy, but I'm sure you know what I mean. In fact, I shouldn't even need to be telling you all that, but then again, it makes my review seem longer! muahahaha!
Okay, so, Icarus isn't Icarus, so I'll call him Bob! So Bob isn't on the beach with this female person of no name, who will be now known as Annie!
So if Bob were there, Annie's peripheral vision would be blured. I'll say now that I like that metaphor (I'm assuming) for having one's attention focused on an individual, thus bluring everything else. Very nice!
The grains of sand are an interesting sort. I see them playing two roles: that of the people in our lives, as well as time itself. I'll break it down for each role.
"Untalented / Grains of sand" suggests a sort of contempt for the people in Annie's life, brought on not by the narrator's contempt but the narrator 'siding' with Annie. In other words, playing up a characteristic in Annie to point out its pointlessness, or the like. I think you know what I mean.
"making imprints / On your knees" has nothing to do with the knees aside from extending the metaphor into reality...I think...hm... Anywho, these are the people that affect our day to day lives, and thus make an impression on who we are as people (knees lives, incase no one's paying attention...and to make the review longer).
Grains of sand in an hour-glass. Honsetly, this was my first impression of the stanza; that crap I snagged outta my ass about people actually came afterwards. This is pretty much the same as people in that time has a huge impact on our lives as well. However, the difference being (though still not much different) is that only the grains of sand closest to us make the most difference, and only some leave a mark. I suppose the same can be said for people though...
Okay, my whole argument on TIME is that if you take everything I said about PEOPLE and stuck TIME in where I refer to PEOPLE, than you'd have pretty much the jist of it. Frankly, I don't know why I bothered to outline it...oh yeah, make review longer it does! muahahaha!
To continue, "they / Mean no harm" suggests that Annie doesn't realize that the world is self-sufficient, just as a lot of people do. It's really quite disgusting sometimes when I realize that people always sort of go about life assuming that things are going to go their way, and when they don't go their way than there has to be someone to blame!
This is sort of like that, and the following line, "And cause no strife," is sectioned off to, I assume, to draw our attention to it. I mean, in many cases, not all but many I think, people create their own "strife" as opposed to other people, being the ones that are blamed...which, coincidently, is how you started the following stanza! yay for falling into place.
I like this, 'cause it switches around, doesn't it? Suddenly she IS blaming herself for something. Then again, when I look at it deeper, I see that she really IS doing the same thing all over again, placing the blame in the wrong place. Here Annie is blaming her physical misgivings for the lack of Bob's presence.
But we know already that Bob and Icarus are much the same. Bob is thuroughly messed up, or dead, take your pick. This is, I would guess, because of something he did that was stupid, like what I was talking about way up there at the begining when I was talking about Icarus. See, I figure that Annie doesn't realize that Bob has a life of his own with his own past ("grains of sand making imprints / on [his] knees"). The reason Bob isn't there with her may have, and most likely doesn't have, anything to do with her pale skin.
Very interesting, indeed...hehe
This is going to be a long day. I take it that this entire section is dialogue from Annie herself. Complaining, if you will.
I think this is fairly straight forward, so once again I'm going to talk about blame, but in a shorter, constrained way. The most important line here is, go figure, the one that says "blame": "there is no one else to blame." This is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very important line. It does, in fact, verify much of what I've already blathered about. She's blaming everything that sucks at this current moment in time on Bob, when it might not have anything to do with Bob.
"Oh he is not forgiven" is an interesting line as well. Not only is it his fault, but she wont forgive him either. Forgivness is one of the most important things we can give to people, because people will be people and things happen that are beyond our control.
I figure all of this section is dedicated to pointing this out. Our friend Annie is dependant on Bob to get her through summer and he's not there. He's wasting time and telling her things that are "unnecessary." He's being human, just like everyone else. Annie, so far, seems a perfect example of the sort of person who always has trouble associating with other people, and probably a likly candidate for the sort that winds up divorced in the end (oh, I hope you're not Annie! hehe).
Ah, a big chunk! This could take a while to get through. Okay, I'm going to lump it together to make things go about orchastrating themselves simpler and quicker:
"but you still standlike a fortress with
unwavering crags as the sun charmed
its way across the sky"
Let's start there. Seems like a good place to start, though I thought for a bit about starting with that bit about the Unicorn, but then realized that I was looking at the wrong poem...hm... Okay, so something has happened in the median; while we were hanging out with Annie's thoughts/words, we seem to have missed something. It begins with "but" and "still" as being key words in the sentance. "Still" implies that something has happened that should have changed the way she was standing. Perhaps he came crawling along, begging for her forgivness. It would stand to reason.
The sun "charming" its way across the sky is, once again, a really good metaphor. I assume it's sort of a way of applying a charming quality from Bob onto the sun to describe the way in which it crossed the sky. Especially with the tangent that goes off about the colour of blue, a tangent that leads directly to Bob's eyes.
There is carefull consideration in that bracketted bit there. It's hard to tell if they're thoughts of Annie's or if they're words given to Annie by the narrator to force her to think. I'd be more inclined to think of them as being Annie's thoughts, but that's more of a preference. It can really go either way I think. Regardless, she decides not to complain...interesting.
This next stanza is good for my argument about time, where time passes regardless of what's going on, regardless of what's being done, and whatnot.
Shadows turning into burns is interesting, because it would suggest that the sun isn't moving when you've clearly stated that it is. I would have thought that if the sun were stopped in one spot for a while, grass and trees and whatnot that was left in the shadows would eventually die while all in the sun burned. But while the sun is moving the shadow is always moving as well.
Then again, it is the shadow itself that's supposed to be burning, which clairifies it for me by making me think of an infinate amount of time and the impossibility of things happening. The sun could shine from now until the end of time and a shadow would never ever burn. It's just the way life is, and the infinite quality of time's passage just makes it seem pointless to...complain...hehe.
"Staining the previously blue sky" adds to the above stuff. The sky is blue, I think, because of the sun's light passing through the water molicules in the air, or something like that. Therefore, if I'm even remotely right, than the sky can never turn that colour while the sun is shining unless the air were to change. While that's not necessarily impossible, it's also not exactly going to happen tomorrow. It's an unlikely thing that just feels so very, very impossible, and probably might as well be.
To me, this section of thought from Annie adds to her blindness. I would assume that this is implying suicide. That's what it sounds like, at least. However, time does go on. There is no end and no beginning (to speak of). There is only birth and death with which we can justly classify a beginning and an end to time. And then, on top of that, no one can say what there is to come next. Those who are religious would argue a sort of Heaven and whatnot. Some would point out reincarnation.
I myself would say, "You know what? You can believe there's something there if you want to, but I'm prefectly content in waiting to find out before I go jumping to conclusions!"
These, I guess, are her last thoughts, and again she's complaining about herself. "He deserves better" are her 'last' words to herself. So, again, there's something wrong with her that makes her less desirable to Bob or whatnot and kept him away.
So now Annie is Icarus
(interesting that there's no capital on Icarus this time...on purpose?)
Part IV, sorry to say, is mostly irrelevent. Not that it's not supposed to be there, it's just that I don't think I need to say anything much about it. It just completes the whole thing like a nice little package!
Now, I put this here for a reason. I'm sure you may have noticed that I skipped a whole stanza from Part I. That's because I'm pretty much planning on combinning the last bit with Part IV. It seems the logical thing to do, really.
Okay, lets get to it!
Fused Parts I and IV:
Okay, enough dancing about and lets get down to business. All I really want to talk about in this is "glory." You've made it clear that there is to be no distinction between whether glory be attached to Annie's death or not. This, I suppose, is all a matter of perspective. I figure the narrator is the one who thinks "there [is] no glory" to her death, but then adds the last bit to point out that there are view points. I would agree that there is no glory to it, but maybe to Annie there was. Or maybe to Bob there was, somehow. Or someone may have seen it as a glorious act. I don't know, I'm going to leave it at an ambiguous sort of thingy, while adding my own opinion for good measure.
The little bit in Part IV I assume is to finalize the death and that she's no longer alive to complain. Some people, all they do is complain, and then they die. It's a sad sort of inevitability of life to include these people. There's nothing really wrong with them, they just need to stop and look around sometimes and see the world not as a figment of their peripheral vision but as a timeless artifact that has a life of its own to guide it from start to finish. There is no race; there is no difference between what happens TO us over time, but only what we do to/for ourselves to get us past the things that happen. Fate or no, things happen.
That's my two cents.
I'm afraid this one took a while, so I'll have to come back tomorrow and tackle the next one on the list. I'm pretty drained! I think that took the best part of an hour and a half to write! hehe
Good poem, though I'm still not sold on this disjointed sentance/line structure that a lot of people use. I can never figure out why they break lines where they do... it's iritating sometimes, but not all entirely bad. I think I've even tried it once or twice, so I'm probably not one to talk.
| tarnished oversoul chapter 1 . 6/16/2003
"all the same you
I loved that so much. I loved how at the end there was no glory. And there was icarus mentioned in it- props for that. (Goes off into a corner and drools with wanton fangirlness- I love that word:D- Good luck with your finals)
| lindsay chapter 1 . 6/16/2003
you know i love it...i'm so honored!
[squees and dies]
| Mike chapter 1 . 6/15/2003
Good image. Ehh.. uncomfortable with male theme haha, anyways, I won't make this too long,I'm sure you'll have plenty more to write.
| lemoncane chapter 1 . 6/14/2003
dude! that concert was so awesome! i went crowd surfing!lol! i was in the mosh pit! ya so call meQ!
| Split Ends chapter 1 . 6/14/2003
Oh, Death Fairy. You are one of my favourites, you write like there will never be any end to poetry. I loved (i) the best, it was of the best words to say it all.
| Paradoxical Goddess chapter 1 . 6/12/2003
LMAO. dammit, i guessed wrong then. *sobs* hah...should have figured though. the occasional rhymes and repetition made it think it was moi. alas. *huggles*
| Glass November chapter 1 . 6/12/2003
MM...you convey feelings that I'm so familiar with, and you do it incredibly eloquently...It fits what I'm feeling right now, and yet maybe that's 'cos it's so...specific and yet applicable, if that makes sense...
"what a tragedy that I should witness
this end and what a tragedy that there
should be no beginning to follow it!
he deserves better."
Thanks for that part, especially. It's me, right now.