O.O wow.. that really was a long chapter
o! and omg, you - are - a - profile nazi! just like me! hahaha.. you're the only person i've seen that has everything underlined and organized like me
anyway, this is a really cool story idea, but i hate malcom! he's so.. so.. faux-cool.. *shudder
o, and what was that fight his sister had with her husband about? i'm not sure i got that
the story's really starting to get interesting now.. i wonder whatever happened to hollon..?
there was some spelling/grammar mistakes, especially toward the first part of the chapter.. i'm not sure if you want to read over this entire chapter again.. but spelling errors are just my pet peeves (yes, i am such a dork)
man... i wanted to give you some constructive criticism.. hm..
does every narrative detail in this chapter serve a purpose? do we really need to know that he has "shit" carved into his locker? i'd like it if the chapter was shorter and we got to the good parts sooner
and what exactly are the defining points of malcom's personality? besides the fact that he's a "macho" prick? hehe.. sorry.. i dont know why i hate him so much
anyway, about his character.. i think you need to bring out some more facets of his personality besides the average guy stuff (ranting, complaining, worrying about girls).. i think you tried to do that when malcom was talking about wanting to be a journalist..
argh..i think i may be looking to deeply into this thing
i don't like writing short reviews so.. i may just be filling up space. feel free to ignore everything i've just said
O.O hey.. this is a pretty long review..
fictionpress always cuts my long reviews in half. curses! i write like a page of constructive criticism and it's all gone! *weeps
ok, now i'm really just taking up space
keep writing! i'll read more!

Nah, not too predictable. I wonder if Octavia will get mad about Kelli or anything. Hmm. And I hope he doesn't die!

You have got to update, this is a cool story.

Yay, I love this story! It's the only reason I have my author alerts turned on. I love how you write and how you get into the characters and stuff. It's not just a bunch of bullshit. Haha. My sunburn is gone, hehe. I am now going to be just like you and i'm going to put sunscreen on every time because now I'm moving to the west coast, California... lots of fun in the sun. _
Update soon! I wanna see what happens!
-Katie

Another great chapter. This review might be longer than my usual because I have little things I want to say about the whole chapter.
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I really, really like Elliot's character. As much of a macho, 'typical' guy as he seems to be, I love that you made him show that he was so much more than that. His relationship with Marla is a lot like that of two of my friends. On the surface it almost comes off as a complete physical attraction, but if you pay attention, it's so much more...
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Ooh, the Kelli girl. I think we all know someone like her. Tries to use other people's weaknesses/weak moments against them...just to get what they want kinda person. I, again, had a friend just like that. Unfortunately for her, her promiscuous ways lost her many friends, including myself. But, I didn't come to talk about her...this Kelli girl, whether she shows up again or not (I'm interested to see if Malcolm tells Octavia about her) is, in my opinion, a piece of crap.
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Hollan...I really like Hollan's character, even if she disappointed me a few times in this chapter. I didn't like the way ditched Malcolm at the party, (where did she go to for so long anyway?), and I didn't like how upset she got at Malcolm for 'leading' her on. I'm not sure what signals he was giving her, but I didn't catch onto them. But I've never been good at catching obvious signals, so hey, what do I know?
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Fabulous chapter, but I'm so excited to see what's going to happen when Malcolm goes back home. I mean, there are so many questions I'm dying to get answered. Will Malcolm decided to get the surgery? Will Malcolm tell Octavia about Kelli hitting on him? Will Octavia's eyes start to stray from Malcolm?
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Please update soon!
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Jess

I haven't reviewed in about five million years, but, after finally reading this chapter, I just couldn't help it and had to say something about it, because I *love* it.
*
I really like Hollan. I don't know why, because she seems like one of those girls I would just want to strangle for some unknown reason, but I really *really* like her. I like Octavia well enough, I suppose, but I don't know, something is just screaming at me to want Hollan and Malcolm to get together. And, if they don't "get together", then I'm hoping that they at least do *something* together, because all of this sexual tension is just driving me insane! You've got such a handle on these characters, and if you've got the ability to make me actually feel for the characters and, dammit, want something to happen then you know you've got this writing thing by the balls, which you do.
*
Also, though, I'm kind of afraid for Hollan, for some weird reason. I don't know, but I just have this bad feeling about her or about something. The tarot cards keep weighing heavily on my mind, and I just don't know what to think anymore.
*
So, I'll just be waiting here now for the next chapter, hoping and praying that Hollan and Malcolm will do *something* about this tension, 'cause it's driving me mad!
Cheers
-
Winged One

O.. I like. Very long chapter, but it went by rather quickly. I really like your writing, and I love the names you use for people. So original. I love it.

Oops I pressed the review button by mistake. Anyways what I meant to say was update faster! 1 year has gone by and only 13 chapters! Though each chapter is lenghty, this story is to exciting to have to wait a month for a chapter.
Other than that little matter all I have left to say is keep up the wonderful writing, this story has excellent potential to be like the next "Catcher in The Rye" or "Tex".

Not sure if you remember me since the last review I gave for this story was like a year ago...but anyways after reading the whole thing again just to remember what its all about, I can see that having the story slow going in the first few chapters was a good thing cause it builds an life-like quality for Malcolm's personality. You portray his life in a cynical way that is amusing to read and your description of his views gives it a monotonus-shallow feeling but yet it is very vivid(the description) and definetly commands the readers attention. It is like his mind is viewing some sort of third person view which I admit gives this story a uniqueness that other stories lack. And the best part of it all in my opinion is that you end each chapter in a tense manner that keeps readers rivited to the plot. In all

Hey. Sorry I haven't reviewed for this story lately. I don't know why I didn't...I've been reading it.
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Anyway, this chapter was great. I liked it. I like Hollan. I think it's kinda funny how Malcolm likes her. But at the same time I'm slapping my hand against my forehead, hoping that he doesn't slip up and 'do something' with her. That would suck.
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This chapter was great, please update soon!
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Jess

I like the way you write. You've got the whole realism thing going, and I can tell you try not to hold anything back. Yeah, it is possible to have a hole in your heart that isn't detected until later in life. I had a friend who had a whole in her heart. She went in for open heart surgery, and they took tissue from her leg to patch it up. True story. It was a fairly major operation, but she's fine now. Anyway, I hope you upadte soon, cause I'm really enjoying reading!

Ooh, I knew he was going to feel something for Hollan. Wonder where it'll lead to. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Heh, it took me a while to read this one because i've been distracted all day because of sunburn but I finally just sat down and read it and yay, I'm glad I did because it was a good chapter.
I can't wait to see what happens to Malcolm at Hollan's but I hope he doesn't cheat on Octavia! I hope you have something interesting planned. Can't wait for more.
Katie

im glad you updated, and im seriously glad that he went to Hollans, becuase i wanted to see what she was like. but i have a question, if there both freshman, and they were together in 8th grade(im assuming before she moved) then how does she have a yearbook of her new school of last year? i know, i know, little problem, but it kept bugging me. just thought id let you know.
Anyway great chapter, really looking forward to what happens next :)

DUDE YOU ARE AWESOME! nice chapter i really like Hollan, but Malcolm better watch it he got a girl back home for him. you completely rock and i cant wait for the next chapter!
nik