Reviews for Under Meteors
Drunken Monkey King Oz Pax chapter 1 . 1/14/2008
God I've forgotten how awesome this story is.

Hope you're doing alright, I miss talking to ya.
Cat Townsend chapter 4 . 9/5/2006
I like this. I have no clue how I wound up finding it, but I vaguely remember Kneefers saying something in praise of this. I do certainly agree.

I especially like Mercury... but where did... oh... Mercury's guardian dude... I can't remember his name!... Where'd he go? He was funny. Annoying, but funny. I like Ryst too. I think I like him best.

Kiyura chapter 2 . 10/19/2005
I'm really glad I found this story! I seriously just got bored and decided to find something to read, and, it is! Wooh!

Anyhow, I hate it when people just dump "durr great story durr" on you, so I'll try to say something at least moderately intelligent about every one of the characters...

Strydda: I love her name, for some reason. And seriously, all those things she says that are like contortions of words...I actually laughed out loud when I finally figured out what 'crorkindles' were.

Yanna: Strange, one of my characters is named "Ranna"...but that story isn't on Fictionpress. I like how she's obsessed with having her fur all in order-very true to cat-nature. I also loved when she got so mad at the guard because he DIDN'T do anything wrong, so she couldn't kill him...haha.

Quell: I liked him the most at first, but I've grown too attached to Ryst, now. His insecurity amuses me, in a sort of mildly sadistic way..hahaha. I also like how he's as dense as a cinderblock.

Rystrahn: -heart- My favorite. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for going for the ones I'm supposed to like the best. I absolutely adore how lazy he is! Heh!

Marron: I always love those random big guys, too. That stuck-in-the-door thing...classic, and absolutely priceless.

Mercury: At first, she seemed a bit...what's the word I'm looking for...? Shapeless? Amoeba-like? She's kind of grown on me, though, and I see now that she obviously has a personality.

Lothar: He got so drunk he spent the night under a table...that pretty much speaks for itself. My kind of guy. XD

In general, it's a pretty wicked story. I wouldn't have spent all this time writing out a response if it hadn't been...maybe I like it because in a way it's sort of similar to one of my stories (The Godsend Trilogy)...not completely, just in a way. Mercury and Ryst's relationship vaguely reminds me of the two main characters' weird past-lives thing...Haha, it's a good idea, what can I say? XD

Anyway, I'll finish reading what's up here as soon as I can, and I'll keep commenting as I go on.
Clodhopper chapter 3 . 9/11/2005
There was a lot of dialogue in this chapter. A little more description would be nice.

Other than that, I only have repeat comments from previous chapters. I'd continue on with the next chapter if I had time, but for now I've got some things to do. I'll be back later on for more, though.

Clodhopper chapter 2 . 9/10/2005
I was reading through the review I sent you for last chapter, but not all of it showed. Did you get the full thing or did it get cut off? Just curious because I swore I wrote more than that...

The only comments that I have for this chapter are the same comments I made last chapter. I hate to just say "good job" and leave it at that, because just those two words give the impression that I didn't even read the chapter, but I don't have much else to say. All of my other comments were wasted on the previous chapter.

Oh, nope. I caught one second time through. "My Lady" should be "Milady" and you don't need the extra tag: "'Like my bedroom' was implied." Let us use our imaginations a little to conjour up what he was going to say.

You have jump lines ~*~ when they're not needed. If you have to separate it out with those marks, it would be easier just to separate half of the chapter into two different chapters.

Okay, that's better than just a "good job" I think. I hate just saying "good job" because I don't feel it's an actual review, but another way of saying, "I didn't read this, I just want you to read my story." But you did do a good job. I'm kind of liking Strydda.

Clodhopper chapter 1 . 9/10/2005
This was a long chapter. May I suggest shortening it a little bit since the majority of the readers on ficpress have short attention spans? 4-5 pages on a Word document is always a good size.

Anyway, I noticed you had a lot of dialogue, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but too much of it can take away from the story.

You used the proper punctuation at the end of dialogue, which, believe me, is an error that I've seen a lot of people make. But as a general rule, only one punctuation mark is needed (unless it's an ellipse). Only one ! or ? at the end of a sentence. When shouting or yelling, use a ? followed by a "he/she screamed" sort of deal. Also, try to italicize words being shouted or emphasized instead of capitalizing them.

I would like to get a little more descriptions, not so much that it bogs down the story (like I tend to do) but enough so we know the basics of the scenario.

I like some of the names you came up with for your characters. They're very different, but not impossible to pronounce.

"What're you doing?"

"Mage things. Shut up."
Ahrar chapter 14 . 7/22/2005
Holy cheese. How in the name of all things holy did I miss this chapter? I dunno, but I did. It's great to see some more Under Meteors, because it's a really great story. Frustrating, though, because now I feel like I have to go back and reread the whole thing because I'm a bit rusty on exactly what's going stuff, all in all. 'Sgood to see you again, Zippy. Much love. Good job._Ahrar
Robynbird chapter 14 . 3/22/2005
Yay! You upgraded it! I can't wait for the next cahpter!
Mythstify chapter 1 . 3/10/2005
Excellent first chapter. I am quite impressed. I don't exactly have all the time in the world to read so I usually skim...a lot... and I didn't skim at all. You have rather a lot of talent and you keep it interesting and you use nice short paragraphs- THANK YOU- and you don't drag on for ages about exactly HOW long the good looking guy of the bunch's eyelashes are or how brilliantly colored the prettiest girl's eyes are. Bravo.
Elexies chapter 1 . 2/20/2005
Well, I don't really know if you're going to like this review. For the record this is all constructive criticism to help you get better. If you're not here to get better than I honestly don't know why you're here.

By the looks of it the only reviews you've gotten have been: OMG! THiS IS Teh AWeSOMest! UPDAte!

I try and do it a little differently. There's TOO much dialogue and not enough discriptions. Discriptions are your friends! Indulge on them, that's what I tell every author I review for. Just writing a bunch of conversations can get dull really quickly and sometimes you leave a reader sitting there drooling as they try and figure out what the hell just happened. Discriptions can be so much fun, you can just ramble on pointlessly practically. Descriptions make things work, they add the total mood to the story. Instead of writing:"I am sad!" So-and-so could write: Things seemed to have come to an end, there was nothing. The world was just nothing, nothing. There was nothing else to live for, and with this in mind So-and-So sat down, staring quietly and lifelessly at the floor.

Not the best of work but it's far more interesting than the first one.

Another thing: Dont' start your stories off with one sentence trying to explain what just happened! Oh dear Lord above! "Twenty minutes into the first meeting of the Tribune Arcana he'd managed to sneak into, Quell fell off the balcony." You don't start a story off like that then go straight into dialogue! I know it's your story but how dull! Try and do something facinating! Describe Quell falling from the balcony, explain what the heck this Tribune Arcana meeting is supposed to be!

Something else to work on is trying to use less of '!'. I understand you're trying to get a point across that there's yelling or something really dramatic is happening but it looks extremely immature and unprofessional in your work. No need to prolong a word dear. "SII-LENCE!" just seems, oh goodness, really pointlence. Go ahead and put it in caps and add ONE exclamation point but don't fling it out like that.

Thankfully you're not abusing grammar and punctuation left and right, and for this I thank you. I also like the names, they're very creative.

So yes, work on your discriptions and less dialogue. Try not to go on a frenzy of '!'s.

That's all I've got to say. This is constructive criticism, for the record. It helps you get better. That should be every writer's goal. Hopefully you didn't post this story to get pointless mewls of happiness and 'OMG! ChUU IS TEh AWeSOMENIS!1123431!'

Keep up the nice work. I'll be looking for results. I know you're capable, you obviously have a good start on this and a wonderful imagination. A writer can only get better and with the way things are going now you're better will be amazing.

DrunkenMonkeyKing chapter 14 . 2/19/2005
*Sniff* *Sniff*

I'm just... just... so happy. Sorry, it was great but I can't think of anything to say or point out as of yet. I'll get back on later and check it out again.
Robynbird chapter 1 . 1/28/2005
Man, I love this story! I'm reading it a chapter a day to make it last longer...even though I have it almost memorized.
Robynbird chapter 12 . 1/20/2005
*claps* Dat ish very very good. I likes it lots as I do all the story. I hope the update comes soon, I dont' think I can wait much longer for it!
Robynbird chapter 13 . 1/12/2005
Oh wow, this is great story. I'm practically on the edge of my chair reading it. I've read it several times now and it never gets old. Keep up the good work! I can't wait for the next chapter!
Kelly chapter 13 . 9/11/2004
Your story is wonderful. All I can do is complement it because I can't find anything wrong with it. I hope you update it soon, I've been waiting a long time for you to (since before named the chapters). Anyways, good luck with your writing! (P.S: I like your website. The character profiles are a great thing to have)
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