|Reviews for Sweet Revenge|
| xraspberrykissesx chapter 1 . 12/12/2004
Very interesting. It right away captured my attention. I just love it! )
| not sure yet chapter 5 . 12/1/2003
hm, not much happens in this, again, i dont really have a good feel for the setting and the characters personalities and appearances, its very vague, i dunno, just my thoughts
| lebuffle chapter 13 . 9/5/2003
Another cliffhanger! Okay, just a few things can I just say? The bit where Cam reads the girls' journal is really interesting, and you can make that very emotional scene. This is a good technique to use because the reader wasn't expecting this at all, however, it's a good idea to only use the complete surprise element once, but also give the reader a few clues so that it doesn't seem illogical. That was fine, except everybody seems to keep a journal, when they all should know better 'cos they're spies.
Some other queries and suggestions regarding the bit where it said that she was brainwashed (I'm not being mean, I'm really really sorry, but I just want to tell you 'cos I think it would help and I know you hate overly critical people but I'm so sorry and I'm honestly not trying to be horrible or anything and you don't need to take my advice or do anything I suggest, thye're just merely suggestions I think might help you)...
I think that it would be a better idea to indicate earlier on that there was a moment in the narrator's life when she suddenly couldn't remember anything and that she was completely stumped about what had happened. This could have been information that her agency did not want her to know because they planned to use it against her ( Cam's line: "You think you can trust your agency, well, let me tell you something, you can't."). When Cam tells the girl she's been brainwashed, the girl (and the reader) suddenly realise that Cam was telling the truth: her agency really were planning to use the infomation against her, and at the same time this makes the reason that the girl was brainwashed an even more beleivable reason as to why the child was hers.
Okay, that's just how I see it. These are just suggestions. Your story has a lot of tension and a lot of emotion. There are some brilliant scenes in it. It makes me want to read on, and I look forwards to every chapter. But it's always a good idea to know where stories like this are going to end so that it's not so difficult to make up explainations for everything.
Okay, I know I've written so much, but I really want to apologise 'cos I know I'm being really horrible like this. You don't need to take any notice of it at all, but I just love to give advice, and I feel that you'd benefit from it. Keep writing. It's a very exciting story and I look forward to the next chapter. _
| Magentian chapter 13 . 8/11/2003
...Thirteen chapters to this story... and I still see no reason why people are giving it so much attention...
No offense meant by this, of course, but it's just that I feel no affection whatsoever towards any of the characters. All of them are simply bundles of logic, drawn by the simple, primitive purpose of revenge, lacking any emotion and any warmth. Sure, they're spies, but they have no individuality among it all. They're simply plot pawns, being jerked around by some nameless grand scheme, and moving about their appointed duties without even the slightest bit of passion or humanity. In short, this entire story is screaming for development as it hurtles through to the uncertain future. Instead of elaborating, after you've introduced one place, one person, one plot twist, whatever, you simply move on to the next, as though this is target practice.
*sigh* and I know you don't like overly criticizing people. (I do read bios.) However, I only wish to be exacting because you can be so much better than you are right now. I don't mean for this to be a flame, this is my honest opinion, and I find it pointless and non-benificial to lie and say I like something this blunt. There you have my advice; take it and use it if you wish; and have a nice day.
| Phoenix Raven chapter 6 . 8/9/2003
i'm curious about whats gonna happen... i'll read on tomorrow. its good so far!
| Phoenix Raven chapter 5 . 8/9/2003
yep i would have read the journal! good so far
| Phoenix Raven chapter 4 . 8/9/2003
nice cliff hanger there!
| Phoenix Raven chapter 3 . 8/9/2003
when reading this i feel like its a diary. the story is interesting and i'm enjoying reading it.
| Phoenix Raven chapter 2 . 8/9/2003
hey its interesting so far, i'll come back and read the other chapters :)
| Phoenix Raven chapter 1 . 8/9/2003
I'm very much liking this so far... i shall read on...
| joie 610 chapter 12 . 8/5/2003
interesting story! hmm... i'd like to know more about the dimensions and the places they're in. what's the weather like there? are the streets dirty? are there cars? etc. maybe if the story had more description... yep. a lot of things jump from one thing to the next, like blake coming into the story, then finding out that they had a child together... i also agree with most of the things not sure yet said- her advice is helpful. anyway, cool story! good work :) waiting for more chapters. keep it up!
| brunette chapter 13 . 8/1/2003
PLEASE write more! now u got me hooked! wuts gonna happen?
| mizu no kokoro chapter 13 . 7/30/2003
x.x my brain hurts ! brainwashin' record player ... *run away* !
| Falling Stars chapter 13 . 7/28/2003
OOh.. another interesting chapter I'm running out of things to say, except, update again soon!
| mizu no kokoro chapter 12 . 7/18/2003
O.o i am seriously confused... did they suffer memory loss or somethin'. can't believe this came from YOUR head missy! ur scaring me! and i thought I was crazy...:P