good so far love the Idea! keep it up!

I like the story overall. The plot is good, and you are very descriptive. I like how you put the event of the tragic deaths in flashback, instead of an ongoing plot.

I do have some constructive critism though. (Not a flame).

"I must've fallen asleep for I was awakened by Shawn shaking me awake" - This sentence has a bit too much repetition, I think. It just seemed odd to me.

The flashbacks seem a bit abrubt to me... like there isnt that much transition or something. Also, the paragraph where she describes herself seems a little forced and pressed in there...

But overall I love the idea, and you really make the characters pop. I am anxiously awaiting the next installment! _

This story is great. I am really looking forward to finding out what lies in Los Angeles. i guess we all need a guy like shawn in our times of desperate need, huh? Foster Child makes me wonder if i will ever be one. That would be a scary experience. i hope you're not so "angry" now that i have read and reviewed.