Reviews for The Stepbrother
JenRad11 chapter 16 . 6/6/2009
So I really really tried to make it through the book. I mean it's a great concept and all, but I really can not stand the main character!

I mean maybe that's what you were going for, but she takes EVERYTHING so literally. I totally don't get why the dude is so into her! She calls her grandma a "bitch" I mean who can do that to a grandmother just cuz her mind's kinda going.

I'm probably totally in the wrong here since almost all the reviews I've read (and you've got 600) are full of wonderful things about the story. I wasn't going to write anything about it, but the whole "bitch" grandma thing pushed me over the edge. I gotta say it's 1,0,0 better than anything I could ever write, but Jade is really bothering me.

(Looking at all the other 100% positive reviews though I'm probably totally wrong though and esp since the story was written so many years ago!)
Jen chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
Wonderful, Wonderful, Wonderful. I've really enjoyed the first chapter. You've reeled me in! However, I just thought I'd point out a small tiny mistake, it's not biggie, but I thought you would appreciate me telling you.

"Hey! I've just been . writer's block," Zach said.

that needs two other periods to complete the elipces.

Anyways, love it so far!

xXAlexaXx chapter 28 . 3/11/2009


3DarkGoddess3 chapter 28 . 2/14/2009
Great story. Zach is so sweet.
Zephrie chapter 28 . 2/3/2009
Well the plot itself is well not bad.

But the way it's like,

I don't know.

The way you string the words together to make a story,

it just doesn't flow.

I know right?

How can I critizise when my work is worse?

But maybe I'm just a better critic than a writer.

And as a critic I help writers improve their work.


Anyway, with editing this could be a great story.
liz chapter 28 . 12/19/2008
the story line and plot were really good and the ending was adorable. there were quite a few places that need work. like i said the plot was good and totally adorable, which is the first step, but a lot of the wording needs help and the grammer suck and a few of the chapters dont really flow. like the part with josh and jade in the dressing room, that was just kind of bizzarre and the way they were just like ohh, no big wat ever, didn't seem realistic or flowy at all. my suggestion would be to run it through some (meaning more than 1) editors so that they can help you polish it i said it was just a suggestion but i think this has a lot of potential so i hope you take my advice. or at least think about it.
liz chapter 22 . 12/17/2008
never mind my last comment. i feel a lot better. but the first question still stands
liz chapter 21 . 12/17/2008
ok so really interesting twist i mean it completely caught me off gaurd and that like never happens. but how did 1)she not know that it wasn't zach's voice behind her. and 2)how did no one recognize josh that night isnt he friends with zach. just some inconsitstancies that you might want to look at.
liz chapter 3 . 12/16/2008
thus far the story is interesting and i really want to read more. the biggest problem you seem to have is that you are missing a lot of words. almost like you were thinking faster than you were typing. i think i you go over the work and watch for that and fill in the missing words this story will be excellent.
Anonymouse chapter 28 . 11/28/2008
What, no sex?
I Murder on Impulse chapter 28 . 11/17/2008
fantastic story!
Xara Nahara Campinelli chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
Very action-packed chapter. I enjoyed reading it for the most part. There is one sentence that distracted me, though.

"Jade knew she was surrounded like a wild animal and looked around for anyone else there was no one." - I do believe this is a run-on sentence. Perhaps it should be written like this:

"Jade knew she was surrounded like a wild animal and looked around for anyone else, but there was no one."

I really do like Zach. He's a sweet character who seems to care about Jade. Jade doesn't seem to understand that, though. I also find it interesting that you made the characters both interested in writing, just like you are.
unexpectedperson chapter 1 . 10/30/2008
uhmm, i just wanna ask if you're interested in writing a new romance novel about stepbrothers/ stepsisters? cuz my friends and i are really enjoying that kind of stories.
Whisper Rayne chapter 28 . 10/25/2008
Oh holy hell! This was so cool, only a few mistakes. I love the way Zach proposed to her. It is so breathtaking, but I think that this story could have continued a little longer than it did, liek more detail, not actual time. Anyway, this was awsome
Allie92 chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
great chapter loving this story already
711 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 13 .. Last Next »