Reviews for And So Darkness Shall Fall
Songwind chapter 3 . 3/25/2004
You know, just because you're only accepting reviews from people who can log in doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to get GOOD reviews. Many authors prefer to review without logging in. Just a note.
Anyway, saw your story in an ad and decided to look for it. It's funny, because I have a story that has a similar idea. It's a one shot called Double Life. But anyway...
I liked how you described Mara- she's pretty cool. Maybe she needs a new alarm clock, though? And isn't that what the parent's job is? *shakes fists at parents in general* Hey! If your kid's going to be late, don't mention it AFTER the fact! That doesn't help!
Add more, will you? I'd like to see where this is going.
ChristianGeekGuy chapter 3 . 3/25/2004
I was recently looking through my reviews, and found some people who had reviewed me, but I had not returned the favor. How rude. So here I am now to review you as best I can :0.
I like the opening. It paints a good picture without being lengthy. You use the word suddenly a lot, however. Most people probably won't notice this (I only did because I do that myself). Still, maybe try a couple synonyms to spice things up.
You also started a sentence with "well". I think this would work fine if it was her explicit thought or dialogue, but it seems a little odd in the exposition.
I like how she wakes up twice at the end. Keeps the reader on his/her toes.
Chapter 1:
There are a few formatting issues here (lack of spaces, underscores instead of italics). Try uploading wordpad files if you were using .txts. That seems to help sometimes.
You do a pretty good job with realistic dialogue. The characters are solid because they speak like you'd expect them to.
I noticed a semicolon or two here that could probably be turned into a comma, but no big deal really. I'm just a grammar nerd I guess.
Chapter 2:
In response to the author note, I'd be willing to review more of this story, but I'd like to see any other ideas you have. I'm afraid all your other stuff is poetry, and I'm not into poetry as much as fiction.
Hm, European accent is a little vague. French, German, British? The generic fortune tellers usually have a Romanic (gypsy) accent, which sounds similar to czech or russian to me.
Well, that's all for now. Hope it was helpful. I'll put you on my alerts, in case you decide to write more on this or another story.
Aireonna chapter 3 . 7/16/2003
o.0' VERY interesting! I love it, it kinda reminds me of "Teen Witch" which i juss watched a lil bit ago lol but yea, i loved it! KEEp up tha good work and update! "
Aireonna chapter 2 . 7/16/2003
Omg! lmfao! I loved it! Great job! So whats mah chara gonna b here? What part does she play! Omg I love it! KEEp it up! _~